Clear and empty, standing tall,
Fragile glass that light falls through.
Clink, clink.
So many possibilities,
like grains of sand on a beach.
The empty jar calls, pleads,
lonely beyond imagining.
Fill me, fill me, fill me.
If I allowed it,
the emptiness and the ideas could consume me.
Of one thing I'm certain,
the empty jar must be filled.
I could fill it with prizes,
possesions I adore more than any other.
Long necklaces, shiny coins, nothings that bring the past back.
Filled to the brim, I know the jar would sigh,
content at last, a purpose fulfilled.
The empty jar would not think of more possibilities.
But I would, I do.
My mind races on to bigger, silly impossibilities.
The empty jar could hold books,
thousands of books.
It could hold a home,
warm, safe, lovely.
The empty jar would laugh if it could hear my thoughts.
But secretly I envy the empty jar,
so open and free.
I am all-too human,
wrapped up in my own pain and memories,
a filled jar.
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139,647 Literary Works • 672,640 Reviews
This line struck me as a bit out of place. Light doesn't make sounds when it hits objects, and I have a hard time visualizing noisy light.
I think the rearranged words sound better.
The punctuation felt a bit off in places to me. For example, the line "But I would, I do." I think would have more impact if the comma were replaced with a period.
Overall, I really liked the metaphor, and I enjoyed reading this. All this poem really needs is a bit of fine-tuning. All I can suggest is that you poke around with the punctuation a bit and see what combinations are most effective.
This was really cool! I didn't know you could get so much out of an empty jar, but you definitely showed how to. I also liked how you changed your tone-- from thinking to dreaming to reflecting. This showed emotion in a subtle way, you know what I mean? Good work. Keep writing!
--Dreamy