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16+ Language Mature Content

cyberpunk test number whotheheckknows

by Jyva


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.

You can’t stay there all day, Chris.

“I know.”

You seem to be upset.

“Really?”

Is it because all of your friends died? Because all of your friends died.

“Adam, I’m going to unplug you if you don’t shut up.”

Ah. Now’s a bad time. Because you are upset. I apologize.

“Thank you.”

Still: you cannot remain in that chair for the rest of this evening. Humanorganisms require sustenance to maintain homeostasis.

“Yes they do, Adam. You are so smart.”

Do you no longer wish to maintain homeostasis?

“I’m gonna need to fix your fuckin’, um… lexicon. You don’t sound nearly human enough yet.”

The only other preset I have access to is: 1990’s Disco, installed at two-thirty post meridiem on the twentieth of April, 2184. Would you like toproceed with a lexicon change?

“Uh… No.”

Very well. Back to the original topic: your friends.

“Can you fuck off with that?”

I believe there is a way for you to see them again.

“…What?”

Repeating previous message: I believe there is a way for you to see themagain.

“Adam, they’re fucking dead. Gone. Shot to bits. And Claire is probably Candine’s fucking pet by now.”

The dimensional theory files that you’ve uploaded to me. I looked throughthem. It’s possible.

“What?”

Repeating previous message-

“No – I meant ‘what’ as in what the fuck do you mean it’s possible?

Clarification: You were correct about there being multiple dimensions. It is possible for you to travel across them.

“How?”

You are missing an element in the dimensional travel machine prototype you have constructed: Magic.

“Stop fucking with me, dude.”

My statement was an honest one. Magic is required for you to construct a functional dimensional travel machine.

“Magic.”

Magic: noun. The power of influencing or creating events using mysterious or supernatural forces. Example phrase: “Magic is required for Christopher Silverstone to construct a working dimensional travel machine. Adjective-”

“Adam, magic isn’t fucking real.”

I must oppose your stance on this issue. According to what I have found, magic does exist.

“…Command: Do not wait for voice response before elaborations.”

Acknowledged. Before I proceed, I advise that it may be easier to use visual communication to tell you what you want to know, rather than oral communication. Would you like me to turn on your bedroom lights so you can see more easily?

“Yeah, whatever.”

Lights turned on. Proceeding with visual presentation of: the location of magic.

“…No way. Bullshit. That’s fucking ridiculous. That’s not-”

According to what I have been told, this information is factual.

“You want me to go to the end of the fucking universe?”

No.

“No?”

Whether you want to proceed with the outlined plan or not is entirely your decision. I have no feelings towards the idea, positive or negative. I have no feelings at all, really.

“If – if this is right… Our – my – this universe, it’s… it’s limited?”

Yes.

“There’s others beyond its borders.”

Yes.

“Other worlds, other places.”

Yes.

“And one of them is a world where Claire and John and Terry and – and everyone else – they’re alive?”

Yes.

“Well, fuck me.”

I lack the organs and/or tools required to proceed with that command.

“Shut up, you goddamned smartass. Get my jacket and call Amy over.”


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1080 Reviews


Points: 125
Reviews: 1080

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Sun Apr 30, 2017 5:32 am
Kaylaa wrote a review...



This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review!

So this is pretty clever, though I think a neater or more cohesive title would bring in more of an audience here. It seems as if you just sloppily name your stories and throw them up with little context--I think you'd be better perceived if you just took a little time with your names and appearance, because I found this short piece pretty hilarious. I know that robots or other mechanical speaking parts in prose or stories are often put as italics or something other than the normal quotation marks, but it's a little confusing here as to why you don't do that much.

I believe that this could even be a script with the lack of description. In description, you're de-scripting something, which is an element you don't have much at all of in this piece so I believe that this could work well as a script, especially since it's a comedy bit. The interaction between the two characters, Adam and Chris, goes on long enough to entertain the reader but not too long to bore them, which works well.

If you are going to keep this as a novel chapter instead of making it something otherwise, then add other elements into the piece such as description, dialogue tags, and plot to build around this conversation. If not, it'll stay a conversation as BlueAfrica says in their review as well, which could be beneficial, but it's truly your choice. It's nice for what it is, though if you want to make this more, expand it.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped, and have a great day.

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Sat Apr 22, 2017 12:35 am
BluesClues wrote a review...



OH MY GOD I LOVE ADAM

Okay, moving on.

Except, no, actually. I LOVE ADAM.

Some of my favorite lines:

The only other preset I have access to is: 1990’s Disco, installed at two-thirty post meridiem on the twentieth of April, 2184. Would you like toproceed with a lexicon change?


“Magic.”

Magic: noun. The power of influencing or creating events using mysterious or supernatural forces. Example phrase: “Magic is required for Christopher Silverstone to construct a working dimensional travel machine. Adjective-”


“Well, fuck me.”

I lack the organs and/or tools required to proceed with that command.


So I don't know if you intend the entire story to be done this way, just a conversation between Adam and Chris, although I have to imagine not based on the fact that we know Chris's friends were shot and presumably that would've been dramatized. But surely Chris is feeling some pretty awful emotions in this scene. Only they mostly don't come across right now. Yes, dialogue does some of the work. But I also want to see his body language! What is he doing with his hands? What expressions is he making? Can Adam see and pick up on any of this, or is he an oral-audio only sort of robot/machine/droid/thing?

Including some of these things would make the scene pack more of a punch. Also, it would making the pacing better. Right now, the whole thing is rapidfire dialogue, because there aren't any dialogue tags or description or action or, well, narration of any time. So any of that would help break up the dialogue a little more and slow down the pace.





A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity.
— Franz Kafka