It was a morning as silent and frost bound as a winter grave. Not one single creature walked among the icy fields of the country side, neither did the birds give voice to their customary morning praise. Even the most disciplined of men still lay in their beds, hesitant to expose their toes to the bitter cold.
Ariel was not a beast of the field, neither was she a bird, or a man snuggled safely in his warm bed. She was a young woman, sitting before her open window, awake and aware. She leaned out over the courtyard below her, letting the rising sun catch her in it's soft glow. A crisp breath of air touched her fine boned cheeks causing them to blush as though she had been kissed by a lover and a confident smile rose upon her thin lips.It was no exaggeration to say that she loved this time of day, when life was under winter's spell and all that she saw was hers and hers alone, even if just for a moment.
The sound of her old creaking door being opened disturbed the momentary rapture.
“What do you want?“ she snarled, startling the house servant who peeked timidly around her door.
“Oh!…I was just wondering where this cold draft was coming from, I didn't realize you were awake.”
Ariel's her lips curled with disgust as she recognized the voice of the new maidservant. She was a petite creature, with doe eyes and thick, rose bud lips. "Just his type," she thought with disgust, remembering that it was her step father who had hired her.
“Whether or not I was asleep is not the question. Since when were you given permission to enter my room?”
“Honestly, I apologize but I thought only to slip in here and close the window without disturbing your sleep…I had not meant to intrude…I…I only-.” The young woman faltered, frightened by the throwing knife Ariel had pulled from her waist pouch.
“I... I only." Ariel mocked, "I asked you whether or not you had permission to enter my room, not what you thought you were doing.”
“No my lady! I’m sorry I-!” The knife left Ariel's hand and vibrated in the door, just inches from the servant's face.
“Drat! I missed!” Ariel hissed, her eyes alight in amusement.
"You... your insane!"
Ariel's scowl deepened, “Bring that knife back to me!”
“Excuse me?!”
“Either you bring me back my knife or get out of my room!”
The young woman fled, slamming the heavy door behind her.
"You know, that's not the purpose I intended for that knife when I gave it to you." said a casual male voice.
It was Ariel's turn to be startled, the sadistic sneer on her face vanishing as she whirled around to face her window,
now half filled with the head and shoulders of a roughly dressed young man.
End of chapter
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This is a very interesting start. I definitely would like to see more, although if Ariel is your protagonist I suggest throwing in some redeeming characteristics real quick. X) Flawed/mean characters are really fun, but I'm not sure how sympathetic I'd be towards a character that throws knives at people for the heck of it. (Of course there could be a ton of backstory involved, which would need to be paced nicely and sprinkled throughout, or else a lot of character development.)
Yeah, Ariel is a cold and crazy sort, still not sure what to do with this character. I'm thinking on making her the villain in a different story rather than a protagonist. But who knows, this might make a good story.
In the second paragraph, "her's and her's alone" should be "hers and hers alone."
Directly before you know of the new maidservant: "Ariel's her lips" should be "(Ariel's or her) lips."
Description of the new maidservant, 'doe like eyes and thick rose bud lips' should be "doe-like eyes and thick, rosebud lips."
When Ariel is mocking" "I...I onlyy." Space between the ellipsis and the second I, only one y. Same with all other ellipses. Any use of a hyphen means you use no other punctuation.
"You...your insane!" should be "You...(Space) you're insane!"
""You know that's not the purpose I intended for that knife when I gave it to you." Said a casual male voice." should be "You know(Comma) that's not the purpose I intended for that knife when I gave it to you(comma)" (Lowercase 's')aid a casual male voice."
That's it, grammatically. I liked it, and the cliffhanger, even if I can't abide by them. It makes me want to continue, but make sure to iron out the grammatical stuff better.
There you go, all fixed up. Thank you for the critique
I'm never good at spotting flaws in my own stuff. >.< Sorry about the cliff hanger
I never meant it to be really, I just never thought of what to write next. *facepalm*
I really got pulled into this! I sure hope you continue... please!