12+ Violence

Morphers

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Morphers

By: JustinTheAuthor

Prologue

Somewhere in a North American jungle, scientists began experimenting on animals. They were extracting DNA from species all around the world hoping to find an animal that could cure diseases such as cancer, lupus, and diabetes. The experiments went awry and the scientists accidentally created a serum that was new to mankind. They started to test the serum on new animal subjects because it was animals that caused the revolutionary serum that had been created. All tests had to be tested on animals first so they would know if the serum was safe for humans. They began to experiment on human beings some months later. They saw some change in the genes and hoped this was the serum that would cure all diseases. It just happened to be a serum that could genetically mutate any human subject. It was then decided to keep testing the serum on many more subjects to see if the genetic mutation would help solve the problems that many diseases create. They obstructed themselves from the outside world and continued the experiments in secret. This is the story of how I discovered what they were doing and what they did to me that changed my life.

Chapter 1

My name is Justin. I am a normal kid that goes to school just like everyone else who is my age. I have lots of homework and almost no free time. Today is February 5, 2016. My friends and I are going to camp out in the jungle near our houses tonight. We want to discover new creatures and become famous for the discoveries. I just hope I can make it through school without being anxious for the trip. If only I didn’t have to go through another three periods of school. First would be English, which quite frankly, I feel like is a little bland. I always seem to let my mind wander after the first couple minutes. After English would be the most boring class of all time, History. History is so boring because all we learn about is the old grandpas who founded our country. What makes it even more boring is that our teacher makes us do bookwork all the time. Soon enough after that, History would finally end and I would be in the last class of the day. The final period is my favorite period. Eighth period is gun shop. I get to learn how to make guns, make gunpowder, shoot guns, and so much more. Gun shop is in a separate building because our principal doesn’t trust kids with guns inside the school.

I made it through school and my friends are coming to my house with their camping gear. My mom told me that when my friends arrived at our house, I should probably grab my shotgun in case we see carnivores in the jungle. I thought to myself that she was way overprotective and that the most dangerous animal we would see would probably be a bunny. About 15 minutes later, Eli, Michael, and Gordon arrived at my house with their gear. I ran outside and packed my stuff into the trunk of Michael’s car. We were off in a matter of minutes. We sang lots of songs on our drive such as “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” and most of the songs from the Jungle Book. We then took the time to look at the beautiful scenery that was laid out before us in the vast expansion of our planet . In a couple of hours, we reached the jungle and set up camp. The hardest part was setting up four tents. “When are we having dinner,” Gordon asked. “After we explore for an hour or two,” I replied. We set off into the unknown hoping to discover something new.

In the time frame I had promised, we went back to camp and had dinner. After dinner, we put out the fire and went to bed. It was a restless night because every few minutes a snake would slither across our legs leaving us with the sensation of ten thousand ants marching up and down our legs. We finally got to sleep after hours of repeated snakes crossing our legs as if our legs were mountains rising above the surface. About an hour later, bright lights woke up all four of us. We stumbled out of our tents and walked toward the lights. We had to continually look away to water our eyes because the lights were too bright to look at directly. It was as if we were looking at the surface of the sun, its light burning through our eyes and into our souls. We reached the origin of the lights and saw many scientists walking in and out of a very, very large tent that was labeled “Containment Unit.” The scientists were in such a hurry doing whatever they were up too that they didn’t see us creeping around in search of something that would even hint to what they were doing.. We heard animal cries coming from the tent. I could’ve sworn that we had just walked into a zoo. I could hear the ear splitting echoes of lions, and tigers, and bears. Oh my! Yes, I did just reference the Wizard of Oz. We gave each other questioning looks and ran into the tent. We snuck past scientists until we found where they were keeping the animals. Before we could reach the cages, scientists swarmed us and knocked us out.

I woke up on a metal table with scientists all around me. I tried to get up, but I was strapped down. A tall, slender scientist came up to me and injected me with some sort of serum. I felt instant pain within my body and started thrashing about. My body stopped spasming and began to change. I don’t mean that I just had to pee, it literally began to look different. My arms, legs, and face began to grow black fur. They also began to get bulkier until the muscles on my arms and legs were the size of watermelons. I felt like I was on a whole new level of acne and bodybuilding. I shuddered in terror as I began to realize what was happening to my body. For those of you who are wondering, this was not puberty. That begins later in life my friends. The remaining skin became rough and irritating. I realized I had become a gorilla. I broke the restraints and grabbed the nearest scientist by the neck and said, “What did you do to me?! Where are my friends?!” Before the scientist could reply, I broke his neck as if I had a grip of steel. This was the first murder I had committed. I never thought the first murder of my life would be against one of my kind. I thought it would be hunting and killing a deer. I backed into a corner and began to punch holes in the walls. I couldn’t control my temper and I needed a destructive way out of the room to blow off my fear. Scientists tried to tranquilize me, but I knocked them away. I took one final punch and rammed the wall down. In the room I found myself in, Gordon was unconscious and strapped to a metal table just like I was. A scientist was injecting a serum that was similar to mine, right into Gordon’s arm! Gordon’s skin started turning green and scaly. Before I knew it, Gordon was an iguana. I ran at the scientist and knocked him out. Gordon woke up and I made him cling to my arm. He told me where Eli and Michael were being held. Eli was transformed into a kangaroo and Michael was transformed into a lion. Michael’s mane was large and brown with hints of red. Eli was hopping around as if he were trying to cross Mount Everest on a pogo stick. We were too late to save them, which means they already injected with the serum, clearly. They were fighting off scientists that were trying to tranquilize them. Eli kicked a scientist who flew in the air and landed right in front of me. I kicked the scientist away before he could get up. When the scientist landed, I heard the deafening shatter of bones. My friends and I gathered together and we ran outside. Dawn was breaking and we had to be home by noon. The thing is, we didn’t know what our parents would think if they saw what we had become. We decided not to go home, but to find somewhere safe in the jungle until we found out how to change back. We went back to our campsite, but found that everything was destroyed. There was no food which meant we would have to forage. There were no edible berries around so we would have to eat tree bark for now. We split up to find fresh water, but we all got lost. I already felt miserable because I had murdered someone and now I had no one around me that would allow me to cry on their shoulder.We weren’t able to find each other before dark, so we would have to find each other in the morning. I found myself in the city a couple of hours later, so I decided to go home and grab water. I walked in and saw my mom sleeping on the couch. I walked into the kitchen so I could grab some water bottles. When I opened the fridge, a jelly jar fell on the floor and broke. My mom woke up and walked into the kitchen. Her feet seemed to trudge across the ground and her expression was, well, expressionless. She didn’t look like she had when my friends and I first left for our camping trip. At this time of night she was usually playing on her Wii and eating chips with guac. Now she seemed like her life had been stolen from her. She took one look at me before she screamed and called animal control. They arrived within minutes and put me in a cage. It didn’t take long to get to the zoo, where my cage was placed beside the cages of a kangaroo, iguana, and a lion. I realized these animals were my friends. I tried everything to get their attention, but they were all fast asleep. When I finally gave up trying to get their attention, I started punching the bars of the cage. The bars began to bend little by little. I finally got the bars to break, so I decided to break the cages that held my friends. The ruckus woke them up, so we were able to devise a plan to find a way out of the zoo. We would sneak past the night guards and climb the gate in front of the zoo. We followed the plan immediately and got out of the zoo in no time. We went back to the jungle so we could talk to the scientists. They may have been the ones who got us into this mess, but they were also the only ones who could fix our problem. Even though there was no trust between the scientists and us, we had to at least give it a try.

We reached the labs where we were transformed and promised the scientists we wouldn’t kill or hurt anyone else. They agreed to tell us why they did what they did to us as long as we would keep our promise. They told us that they panicked with having people finding them in the middle of the jungle. They had been looking for cures for new diseases, but accidentally created the serum they had injected us with. They told us more about the experiments for the next few hours.

Chapter 2

The scientists gave us food on our way out of the lab that would last us all a week. They said to come back every week for more food and info on the serum. We went back into the wild and lived like actual wild animals. The first few days living like this were tough. We ran into a few bears that we eventually killed and ate. I doubt that’s considered cannibalism because we were still technically human. With that aside, the bears were delicious. Having the bear meat saved us a couple of days worth of the food we were given by the scientists. We set up a new camp and slept in some trees.

The next morning, we made wooden weapons to use against animals like bears and mountain lions that would kill the animals easier than using our hands. We finished the weapons a few hours later and tried them out on a bear who attacked us for getting too close to her cubs. We felt bad for the bear cubs, so we killed them too. We went back to camp and ate all of the meat. We had eaten as much as we needed for the day, and it wasn’t even time for lunch!

Later that night we realized that the bear meat was still raw. We were all puking non-stop and we couldn’t hold down any more food. We drank a lot of water to settle our stomachs and then we went to bed.

In the morning, we went back to the lab and got more resources for our new lives. They said they had new information about what we could do and took me into an office to talk about it. The man who took me in the office said there was a way we could change back and forth between animal and human forms at will. We just had to concentrate really hard on what form we wanted to change into. He had me concentrate on changing into my human form and I changed back instantly. “I’m human!,” I screamed. I danced around and screamed those same two words over and over again. I was thinking about being so happy about not being a gorilla, so I became a gorilla again because of my thoughts. I pushed being a gorilla out of my mind and became human again. I immediately knew I could go home. I walked out of the office and told my friends how to change back into their human forms. They practiced changing back and forth between their forms a few times and then we left the lab. As we reached the lab door, a scientist handed me a tiger cub. “Great things will happen with this tiger in time,” the man said. It seemed like a normal tiger cub, but I reluctantly took the cub. We walked out and headed for our homes in hope that our parents would be happy that we had returned.

We reached our homes and made a pact that we would not tell our parents about the crazy things that had happened to us while we were gone. We shook on the deal and split off to go home. I walked in the door and my mom embraced me in a hug that was so tight I thought I was being strangled by a python. She yelled at me with words I can’t say because they were very naughty. She quit yelling at me and told me the stories of what she did while I was missing.

Chapter 3

It’s been three weeks since we went back to the jungle laboratory. I received a call late last night saying that the laboratory was taken over by the city and the scientists needed our help to get back the rights to continue doing the experiments. I went downstairs and told my mom that I had to leave again. She became infuriated as soon as I said that. She said I was not allowed to leave until I told her what was going on. I hesitated for a moment and agreed to her terms. I told her I couldn’t quite explain it but that I would try to show her as long as she wouldn’t freak out. She agreed and sat down with a worried expression on her face. I took a deep breath and began my transformation. She screamed as soon as I finished the transformation. I told her to be quiet but she passed out as soon as I spoke. I picked her up and gently set her in bed. I changed back and left for the jungle.

I grabbed my friends and we walked the entire way to the jungle. We stopped in our tracks as we reached the hill on the South eastern side of where the laboratory is. Lights were blaring around the lab as we grudgingly walked towards it. The closer we got the harder it became to stay hidden in the shadows. The lights seemed to become brighter as we entered the gates that governments agents set up around the lab. We knocked out a few guards we saw and changed back into human form to put on the guards’ uniforms. We dragged the guards away into a closet as if it were happening in a movie, locked them inside, and threw away the key. We congratulated ourselves a job well done and left the closet so we could find the scientists.

We slowly walked down the corridors as scientists rushed up and down the halls with tables. One scientist bumped into us and immediately recognized us. We told him to keep quiet because we were here to get their lab back. He agreed and went on his way. When we reached the doorway to the room we were experimented on we had to knock out seven guards that knew who we were and tried to radio in security. We dragged their bodies and put them in a basket that is used for clothes and pushed it down the halls. We soon learned that the guards had put a safe lock on the door that had to be spun around to the correct combination. Lucky for us, Gordon knew had to crack these kinds of locks. He grabbed his mini equipment that he carries around with him and opened the safe in a matter of seconds. We were finally on top of things and we were going to take back this lab.

Chapter 4

We kicked down the door as soon as it was unlocked so we could enter in a grand fashion. The alarm that the government had installed went off (which was not according to our plan) and government agents came flooding into the room just a few seconds later. We had to hide in a split second if we didn’t want to be blown off the face of the planet right then and there. We hid in a corner and waited for the agents to leave. There was just one problem, our hiding spot was in plain sight and we were found almost immediately. The agents pulled us up and put us in handcuffs. We knew that the only way out of the handcuffs was to change in front of the government. We silently nodded in agreement and prepared for another transformation. As soon as we started to change the agents backed away as if they were witnessing a volcanic eruption. We broke the handcuffs and charged the government agents head on. They pulled up their guns and began firing lasers at us. The first thing that the lasers hit were the lights leaving us to battle in the pitch black room. We had a harder time finding our way around because we didn’t have night vision goggles and the agents did. They shot their lasers again and hit me in the arm with the red hot lasers. I winced in pain and fell to the ground. Eli ran to my aid and took a shot to the leg. Seeing my friend hurt sent adrenaline coursing through my veins and I pushed the pain away. I picked an agent up and threw him across the room. I knew we needed to push all of our fear and pain away from our thoughts and replace it with the anger that these agents have created in us. We pulled ourselves together and took another try at the agents. They cowered in fear as we took them out one by one. We had taken them all out in a matter of time and sent the rest of the government agents running from the lab. We walked out of the room to find that there were many scientists on the ground and unconscious. We slapped them silly to wake them up and told them the great news. They cheered and offered to help us by giving us new serums so we would have more options to change into. I knew that this was my chance to be able to become a shark. I told them my ideas and they led me back into the room where I would be injected with the new serum.

I strapped myself down and prepared myself for the injection. The head scientist came in with a giant needle and told me to hold still. I took a deep breath and he started the process. I noticed a tank across the room for me when I changed into a shark so I could breathe. The scientist threw me in the tank when the transformation began and I fully changed by the time I hit the water. I looked at my fins and I showed my teeth in a wide grin. I was so happy that I was a shark. I jumped out of the water and changed back to my original form. I gave the scientist a high five and told my friends that it was their turn to get their next serum. Gordon had chosen to become a cheetah, Michael chose to become a grizzly bear, and Eli chose to become a turtle. Before we left, I brought up the tiger we were given. He told me that the tiger was their very first human test subject, but the experiment went wrong and permanently altered his cell structures. The tiger is named Max and he can still talk, but so far they haven’t found a way to fix what they did to him. We told the scientists that we would like to help with that as well, but they would have to explain what happened to us to our parents. They said they would and we all headed out to the big city.

Once we entered the dimmed city around 1 am, we were surrounded by police cars and handcuffed on the spot. I realized that they must have been told by the government about the lab battle.

Chapter 5

We were taken to a secure police facility that had security cameras everywhere. I knew that if we were caught changing forms on camera we would become science experiments, but this time for government purposes. This suddenly felt like deja vu because this was kind of like what happened at the lab. I asked Gordon to try becoming invisible even though it was unlikely for him to do so because he had the power to turn into an iguana, not a chameleon. He changed into an iguana and remarkably was able to become invisible just like a chameleon. He snuck out and waltzed into the control room. He found some strange buttons as he was looking around the room. The most peculiar button was the “Shut Down Security Guards” button. As soon as he read this he was in utter horror. The security guards that were taking us in were robots. He gave his most devilish grin and pushed the button. The security guards around us fell to the ground and gave off sparks. Gordon came back out to tell us about the control room when I noticed something about the metal that the guards were made out of. The metal seemed to have an alien sort of look but I thought to myself that aliens aren't real so the metal couldn’t have been from somewhere in space. Eli picked up the metal and found the strangest name engraved into it (at least I think it was a name. The word or name engraved into it was Destavalo. I was now sure that this must be alien. Who the heck, other than an alien, would name their child Destavalo? I gasped and told my friends my theory about the name and its origin.

We made an agreement to take the metal to none other than the scientists. Yes, we were already going back to the lab. Once we were back at the lab, the scientists rushed out to us and hurried us into the lab. They locked all the doors and closed and covered all the windows. We knew immediately that something was up. They rushed back to us and told us that they already knew about the government robots. Before we could say anything about the engraving, Nathan, the head of the scientific operations, told us that the metal was made by aliens. Nathan also said that they had an alien in the lab that was unconscious. The weirdest thing about this conversation is that Nathan mentioned the name Destavalo eight times. Nathan lead us to the chamber the alien was being held in and I only took one look at it before I fainted.

I woke up a few minutes later and told them why I ended up fainting. I fainted because I just saw a freaking alien. I had a dream when I fainted about the alien. I think it was a vision. In my dream the alien was killing all of mankind and destroying the universe and time itself. The alien had allies that were all chanting, “All hail Destavalo!” The alien that I first saw was raising a sword and my friends and I were chained down in front of him covered in sweat and bruises. Destavalo brought down his sword upon my head and then I woke up. My friends became worried about me because they thought this was the moment I was going crazy. I told them that no crazy person would have had that “dream” when they passed out. Gordon helped me up and he took me to a room where I would just sleep and realize that I was just being crazy (even though I was pretty sure that I wasn’t crazy). He locked me in the room and I sat there staring into space pondering my vision about Destavalo. As I continued to ponder, I realized that Destavalo looked different than the alien that was in our captivity. They looked similar, but there were two differences, Destavalo had a scar on his right cheek and spikes along his body, whereas the alien had neither. Maybe I was fretting over nothing after all. I changed into my gorilla form and broke the lock on the door so I could go tell my friends that I was being “crazy.”

Chapter 6

My friends took my apology very quickly and changed the subject almost immediately after I apologized. They were acting really weird so I thought that this must still be a dream. As soon as they took me into the alien’s chambers, I realized this was reality. The alien looked different than Destavalo looked in my vision. This one had no scar or spikes. I was relieved when I saw that this wasn’t Destavalo. I asked my friends to leave the room so I could do my own personal studies with this alien. They gladly left me to my work and I changed into my gorilla form. I grabbed the alien by the neck and he was awake in a matter of seconds. He seemed to be fine as if my choking wasn’t affecting him. “You can’t choke an alien by the neck,” the alien said without moving his mouth. “Our air goes through somewhere else because I come from a planet where the neck and throat are just parts of the body. They aren’t important to our survival. Even if you decapitated us, our heads would just grow back.” I stood stunned at the alien as if I were looking at something straight from a horror movie. The alien’s voice sounded very familiar. All voices from my vision and my past rushed through my mind in search of the voice to find a match. I knew it had to be someone that I recently heard because this voice sounded like something I had heard in the last week. My mind clicked with a realization when it reached the end of its search. The voice belonged to Destavalo! Learning that this alien was Destavalo scared me so much that I fainted.

I woke up with an ice pack on my head in a small room. It was completely empty except for me. The only sound I could hear was the sound of my own breathing. Sounds of footsteps began to echo through the hall outside the door. The footsteps grew gradually louder like a stereo’s volume being turned up too loud. The door flew open and Nathan stood there with sweat dripping down his face. He had a worried look on his face that was mixed with pure fear. Red lights were blaring behind him while scientists ran past him screaming. “The alien has gone rogue! He has been killing everyone! We need to get out of here!,” Nathan screamed at the top of his lungs. I thought to myself how stupid I was not to go with my plan of eliminating the alien to begin with and trudged to help take care of the stupid alien. I found the alien terrorizing scientists in the cafeteria and yelled out, “Hey you! Stupid alien! Come catch me if you can!” I know how dumb that sounds, but I couldn’t think of anything else to say. He charged at me with lightning quick speed and lunged at me from thirty feet away. I laughed immediately because that seemed impossible for someone or something to jump thirty feet, but I was deeply mistaken. The alien landed on me knocking the wind out of me and left a burning bruise. “Thought you could take me out that easily? I am the great Destavalo! All mankind shall bow before me and become my eternal slaves. My people shall come to this planet and wipe out your civilizations and destroy entire races. I will become the ultimate overlord!” I tried to get up and smack him in the face, but Destavalo pinned down my arms leaving me motionless on the ground. He raised his arm and slapped me across the face, ultimately knocking me out.

Chapter 7

I woke up with fires blazing all around me, sending fumes of smoke into the air, destroying everything in its path. We had lost the battle with Destavalo, and I was sure that this was the end of mankind. Destavalo was too powerful and he had taken us all out as if we were a tower of toothpicks. I tried to stand up with the little strength I had left, but an intense pain shot up my leg. I knew instantly that my leg was broken. Destavalo had not only ruined the lab that we had learned about our powers, but he had also broken our bodies in hope that we would not be able to stand up against him. I had no hope that we could even beat him once I had that vision of him killing us one by one. I looked around through the suffocating smoke in hopes that someone would come to my aid. I laid in agonizing pain for what seemed like forever with no prevail. I had then come to the ultimate, and horrible conclusion, that I was the only one who somehow survived. Salty tears slid down my face expecting that something great was finally going to come out of this mess, but I still lay there with no miracle appearing in this time of need. I let my eyelids close ever so slowly, hoping that my friends were still alive and that there was still a chance to defeat Destavalo. Visions of my past success swarmed my mind giving me glimmers of hope that there was still a chance to emerge victorious and save our planet for good. The images began to dance slower and slower until I had finally regained consciousness.

I opened my eyes to find myself in a whole new place where there was no chaos. I thought I must be dreaming and shouted for someone to pinch me. To my surprise, Eli came to my aid and gave me a giant kangaroo pinch. He laughed as heartily as ever and told me that this was no dream. I looked across the bed that I was laying on to see my leg suspended in the air wrapped in a cast. Just looking at my leg made me sick to my stomach. Nathan walked in and asked me a series of questions about how I was doing and what it was like to face Destavalo head on. I replied with simple answers to avoid even more questions. Nathan asked Gordon to bring me some food and once Gordon left, Nathan began to do some intense tests on me. The first one was a test to see if my leg was getting enough blood flow. This test seemed so dumb because I think I would know if my leg wasn’t getting enough blood. The next test was a marrow test to see if my leg was healed enough, healed enough for what is something I wasn’t sure of at the moment. He told me my leg was doing fine and then he walked over to a strange looking table. Nathan opened the top drawer and pulled out a super long needle. I have always had a fear of needles and seeing one this big was enough to put me into panic mode. Nathan told me that there was nothing to be afraid of because the needle would make my leg better. I asked him what the needle was for and he told me that it contained a serum that could regenerate bones in seconds. I gave a reluctant nod and gulped as hard as I could. Nathan told me to sit still while he pushed the needle into my leg. Pain instantly struck me and I became temporarily paralyzed due to the pain. The pain was so torturous that it prevented my body from going numb. I wanted to scream out so everyone would know the pain that was surging through me like electricity. I wanted the world to experience what it was like to hurt this much. Between the pain and me screaming inside, I could feel changes going through my bones. I still couldn't say anything, but Nathan could read the expression on my face and began to explain what was going on. He said that the feeling in my bones was the serum mending my bones at an exponential rate. Having the bones mending themselves together caused me more distress than breaking my leg or even having the needle injected into my broken leg. When my leg was finally healed I was relieved not to have to bear the uncontrollable pain. Nathan pulled the needle out swift as a cheetah and I screamed out as loud as I could. The blood flushed from my face and I passed out.

“The time has come to destroy this worthless planet. Let us strike fear into the hearts of the pathetic human race. We have done this countless times before and not once have we failed. Even with all those who decide to stand against us, we still have enslaved countless worlds. Nobody has ever been able to stop us and no one ever will!”

I woke up in my bed covered in cold sweat. I kept thinking to myself, “That had to be a dream, right? I mean, I can’t hear what is happening with Destavalo. It just isn’t possible. There is no such thing as telepathy or telepathic communication. I must have just been imagining it all because of my traumatic encounter with Destavalo.” I walked out of my room into the dull hallways of the laboratory and imagined life here with a little color and less danger lurking in every corner.

Chapter 8

The hallway lights were dim as if they had the same feeling of glumness that I did. Having these blackouts constantly is getting on my last nerves because they always seem to stop me from being any help at all. Yet, in some ways, I feel like the blackouts are helping me too. It’s like the dreams I’m having are actually visions about the present or future, but all of them taking place exactly where Destavalo is. I keep trying to convince myself that everything in these dreams are just absolute coincidences, but I can’t bring myself to completely believe that. My first vision about Destavalo was true, so why shouldn’t the other visions be true? Plus, all of these visions started when Destavalo was first brought to the lab. It’s like I have a telepathic connection with him that was linked when he first arrived. Maybe the connection is somehow associated with the metal plate that Eli had discovered, the one that had Destavalo’s name engraved upon the lining of the plate. Then the idea of a lifetime came to my mind as if it were an epiphany. We needed to study the metallic plate and possibly learn if it has anything to do with my visions. I ran to where I knew Nathan would be so I could propose my idea with him. I rounded the next corner to see an army of sorts marching through the hallways. They were wearing armor that had to be made from technology that was centuries ahead of us. The guns they held with a harsh stiffness were pulsing with a blue colored plasma, beating like a heart through the veins of the gun. The army came to a halt and turned in my direction. The lead militant looked me in the eye, at least I think he or she did, and pulled his gun into firing position, and the gun was pointed straight at my chest. It began to pull the trigger slowly and I couldn’t help but stand there in awe even as I was about to be shot. Right before the trigger was pulled all the way, I snapped back into reality and jumped out of the way. The gun fired and the plasma grazed my ear as it buzzed past me. This weapon was not of this world. “Hold your fire,” a familiar voice shouted at the gunmen. “I can’t have you kill the human until I have gotten back what was stolen from me. As soon as I have what I came for, the human is yours for the killing.” The voice finally registered into my horrified brain and I knew that Destavalo was back. He kept ranting about how he was going to find whatever he was talking about and how he would take over the planet with it. “What do you want,” I shouted.

“What I want is what you have stolen from me. That piece of metal that had my name on it. I want it so I can take out your entire race and become ruler of this planet.” The metal Eli found must be what he was looking for, but how could a metal plate bring about the destruction of the human race? I looked back to when Eli found the metal and I began to remember something else that was engraved on it. In my head it seemed to be an activation code, but now I could understand it. I yelled something random back at Destavalo and ran as fast as I could to the room the metal plate was being held. Once I reached the room, I rummaged my pocket for the door’s code. I heard marching coming towards me so I just put the first thing that came to mind into the lock panel, and the door opened swiftly. I closed the door and changed the code to something only I would know and I grabbed the metal plate. I read the activation code out loud and it read, this is the English translation by the way, “Let the rains of destruction pour down on the planet that I have set foot on. Let the ground tremble beneath my feet with the power of my wrath.” As soon as I finished reading the code, the metal plate began to glow with the raging aura of thousands of destroyed planets. The power was throbbing through the plate and into my body as the plate began to transform. It transformed into what seemed to be a portal that could bring Destavalo’s entire race onto the face of the planet he was going to destroy. My attention was then brought to the sound of the door being blown off its hinges. Destavalo came in at an alarmingly fast rate screaming bloody murder. I made a split second decision and used the portal on Destavalo. He screamed as the portal sucked him in as well as his entire army. Then in an instant, it was all over. I passed out because of exhaustion to the sound of alarms blaring once again.

Chapter 9

I woke up hooked to machines with the entire lab staff and my friends surrounding the bed. Everyone began to applaud as I sat up with the help of Eli and Gordon. They were showering me with thanks but I didn’t really notice because I was focused on the strong ringing in my ears. I told everyone to be quiet and when it became silent, I realized that it wasn’t a ringing at all, but a buzzing sound like the walkie talkie Destavalo was carrying made. I then knew that this was only the beginning to Destavalo’s reign of terror.

Comments & reviews · 3
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Hey, Justin congrats for completing the first book in this series.
I found this plot easy to follow and really fun, its not every day you get to meet four teenaged animals!
I loved the back stories you gave but your excerpts were very long and some of your paragraphs were big and dauntless to follow.
Also Your scene to scene work was very choppy it would be easier to read if you filled the story in a little with character development and wordbuilding.
Stories need to be Show and Tell yours was more just tell. So work on that, make me feel like you have been to this palace before.
I did like the first few paragraphs because it made the characters in the story more relatable, but there needed to be less detail about the English class. Make your characters relatable but don't drag out the details.
The length of this story is to long you will be hard pressed to find someone who will sit down and read it let alone review it.
Last thing there was a few instances that you needed varity in what you said for instance

It was a restless night because every few minutes a snake would slither across our legs leaving us with the sensation of ten thousand ants marching up and down our legs. We finally got to sleep after hours of repeated snakes crossing our legs as if our legs were mountains rising above the surface.

say something else besides the snakes crawling on your legs again. Maybe something else like " We finally got some sleep after Eli stopped snoring" or something like that.

Over all i liked the story it has potential and so do you.
Keep Writing!

User avatar
PrincessInk
Review

Hello, Justin. First of all, congratulations for finishing a book in your series! This is great because if you've got the words down, improving it will be easier because you already got a foundation! :)

Now, I had difficulty reading your book because:

1) The whole excerpt was ultra-long. This is why you've got only one review here--simply put, too long. If you want to post here break it up into shorter excerpts. Yeah, you'll lose points but just make it up by reviewing. Really, analyzing people's works will help you and them.

2) The paragraphs were gigantic. I mean really HUGE! So they were extremely tough--and daunting--to read. Break them up when flow requires.

Are you writing a chapter book actually? Because the chapter lengths remind me of that actually. If you're writing a novel, it may be good to expand a bit here. I noticed that the flow from scene to scene was rather jumpy too, so you can fill in those places with more worldbuilding and character development--and dialogue too. Dialogue is fun to read between intense actions actually. ;)

Another part I want to point out is that there's a ton of telling here! Lots and lots! This article, Show and Tell may be helpful, if you haven't experienced it yet. Sometimes you need to tell, sometimes show. Figuring out the difference is tricky (I know this from personal experience).

The first few paragraphs of chapter one were...rather bland in my opinion. About the English class thing, I don't really see how it relates to the story so I see as unnecessary info actually. And I also noticed Justin faints a lot--some variety'd be great ;)

I want to congratulate again for finishing this! Even if your story needs a lot of work, it has a lot of raw potential with an interesting plot! Though what I say might seem daunting and all, I hope this review helped and have a great day!

~Princess Ink~

User avatar
Wriskypump
Review

So the first thing I think i should address here is that you have a lot of material posted in one work. You will be hard-pressed to find many people who can, or will review it. In the future you may consider cutting something like this in half? it would be a good amount then, and not appear so overwhelming.

I liked the prologue, it was pretty interesting, but it was redundant in places.

The hardest part was setting up four tents. “When are we having dinner” Gordon asked. “After we explore for an hour or two,” I replied. We set off into the unknown hoping to discover something new. - You missed a comma in front of Gordon

I also noticed that, at least up to this point in the work so far, your transitions from one idea to the next, often even sentence to sentence is odd. It doesn't flow all that effectively. Neither are the events that are happening very picturable, because it is all happening so fast. I think this would work fantastically as a kids book tho, if you put a tiny paragraph on each page and maybe even wanted to have it illustrated? That would be pretty nifty!

ten thousand ants marching up and down our legs. - You left out were right before ants.

It was a restless night because every few minutes a snake would slither across our legs leaving us with the sensation ten thousand ants marching up and down our legs. We finally got to sleep after hours of repeated snakes crossing our legs as if our legs were mountains rising above the surface. - First sentence here is a riveting way to describe the sensation to us. The second sentence is redundant and the last bit of it only loosely makes sense. Reconsider if you need this at all in the story.

doing whatever they were up too," - wrong to there/

"didn’t see us creeping around in search of something that would even hint to what they were doing" - how about something like, didn't see us creeping around for a hint of what these walking labcoats were even up to. ?

We snuck past scientists until we found where they were keeping the animals. Before we could reach the cages, scientists swarmed us and knocked us out." - This is limited in its explanation. Depending on what audience you are trying to target, children, teenagers, young adults depends on how much description and observation you want to put in here. Right now I think anyone over 12 would need more to remain really hooked with this.

My arms, legs, and face began to grow black fur. They also began to get bulkier until the muscles on my arms and legs were the sizes of watermelons. I felt like I was on a whole new level of acne. I shuddered in terror as I began to realize what was happening to my body. - Okay this part I actually had to hold back a laugh out loud: I suppose especially because the whole new level of acne part!

We were too late to save them, which means they already injected with the serum." = We already understand because you already told us they had been mutated. This sentence ruins the whole flow of the shock and heat of the brawling. My advice is to just delete it.

Eli kicked a scientist who flew in the air and landed right in front of me. I kicked the scientist away before he could get up. When the scientist landed, I heard the deafening shatter of bones. - This is out of chronological order. Switcharoo the last two sentences.

There was no food which meant we would have to forage for food. - I would just say, There was no food. We were going to have to forage like the animals we were.

When we reached the doorway to the room we were experimented on we had to knock out seven guards that knew who we were and tried to radio in security. - You should put a comma after "on."
Lucky for us, Gordon knew had to crack these kinds of locks. - knew how

He grabbed his mini equipment that he carries around with him and opened the safe in a matter of seconds. We were finally on top of things and we were going to take back this lab. - I like this. The idea of the combination lock was a pretty thoughtful add to the story

The tiger is named Max and he can still talk but so far they haven’t found a way to fix what they did to him. - The tiger probably would have already attempted to talk to The Main Four by this point. I have to say plot hole there.

Who the heck, other than an alien, would name their child Destavalo? - Dude, my little brother would. That is quite the leap for one the characters to assert, but it's okay to leave it if you like it. The alien idea is a good part to the story as well.

Heck, Chapter 5 and the vision was absurdly cool. Also what could be really cool is if you named each chapter. And Destevalo is an intriguing name also, in how it rolls off the tongue.

My friends took my apology very quickly changed the subject - missed an and in there. And hahahaha, fainting must run in this main character's family!

something to jump thirty feet, but I deeply mistaken. - but I was deeply mistaken

The images began to dance slower and slower until I had finally regained consciousness. - What? I think i understand what you meant, but it took me a dozen seconds or so. Find a way to communicate this event better.

Nathan asked Gordon to bring me some food and once Gordon left, Nathan began to do some intense tests on my. - leg right?

The first one was a test to see if my leg was getting enough blood flow. This test seemed so dumb because I think I would know if my leg wasn’t getting enough blood. The next test was a marrow test to see if my leg was healed enough, healed enough for what is something I wasn’t sure of at the moment. - Like the mc's judgment of the test as dumb. Take out the what is in the last sentence tho.

He told me my leg was doing fine and then he walked over to a strange looking table. Nathan opened the top drawer and pulled out a super long needle. I have always had a fear of needles and seeing one this big was enough to put me into panic mode. - I could already tell from earlier in the story, LOL

Nathan told me that there was nothing to be afraid of because the needle would make my leg better. I asked him what the needle was for and he told me that it contained a serum that could regenerate bones in seconds. I gave a reluctant nod and gulped as hard as I could. Nathan told me to sit still while he pushed the needle into my leg. Pain instantly struck me and I became temporarily paralyzed due to the pain. The pain was so torturous that it prevented my body from going numb. I wanted to scream out so everyone would know the pain that was surging through me like electricity. I wanted the world to experience what it was like to hurt this much. Between the pain and me screaming inside, I could feel changes going through my bones. I still couldn't say anything, but Nathan could read the expression on my face and began to explain what was going on. He said that the feeling in my bones was the serum mending my bones at an exponential rate. Having the bones mending themselves together caused me more distress than breaking my leg or even having the needle injected into my broken leg. When my leg was finally healed I was relieved not to have to bear the uncontrollable pain. Nathan pulled the needle out swift as a cheetah and I screamed out as loud as I could. The blood flushed from my face and I passed out. = This is a very good scene. Xponential rate of healing; sweet; would be absurdly impairing as it was repairing.

Then the idea of a lifetime came to my mind as if it were an epiphany. - Well, not as if, that is practically the definition of Epiphany, haha

“What I want is what you have stolen from me. That piece of metal that had my name on it. I want it so I can take out your entire race and become ruler of this planet.” - Destavalo does not seem very bright to straight up tell them His motive for needing the acquisition of the metal piece.

As soon as I finished reading the code, the metal plate began to glow with the raging aura of thousands of destroyed planets. - Do away with everything before that comma and replace it with Then.

This was quite the action-packed story, and that's what really brought it to life. Remember in your writing to always try and keep your audience in mind and make the writing aimed at their level as much as you humanly know possible. Fun reading, although it took quite a while as I was reviewing it along the way. Destavalo will try again, eh? I wonder what kind of escapade he has planned to achieve world Domination on his Next time!



Education is education. We should learn everything and then choose which path to follow. Education is neither Eastern or Western; it is human.
— Malala