The white lights flickered. My sneakers thudded against the dirty tile floor. I had no idea where I was, or how I got there. I had simply shut my eyes in my room, and opened them in this hall. The walls were an off-white color, though they were splattered with blood. Some, in a rich red, must had dried off a long time ago. But some, a dark crimson, were obviously new.
I tentatively reached out, and barely touched a hand-shaped smear dragging its way along the left wall, toward my back, toward a well-lit room, which broke off into three other passages. The blood was still wet. I made a gagging sound, and jerked my hand back. My finger had a small spot of blood on it. Feeling disgusted, I wanted to wipe it off. I wouldn't ruin my sweatshirt. I wouldn't contaminate my jeans. Instead, I crouched down and smeared some of the blood onto the somehow blood-free tiles.
I heard a noise that sounded like a footstep. My heart leapt into my throat. I straightened so quickly, I nearly fell over. The end of the hall was completely consumed by darkness. I squinted, and only barely saw a silhouette. However, there was no mistaking that sinister gleam on a silver blade. I made a choking noise, and stepped back.
The silhouette stepped forward.
I scrambled back. My foot slipped on a puddle of something on the ground. I fell onto my hind end in the puddle. I glanced down, and saw the material of my jeans soaking up a dark red liquid. I felt like throwing up. I hurried onto my feet, and ran. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, though I knew the silhouette couldn't hurt me. Science made sure of that.
Without warning, I slammed into someone. I sprawled out, and landed on the ground. I looked up. There was a boy around my age that I didn't know. He must have been here for a while, almost every inch of his clothing was almost soaked. However, he looked just as afraid as I was.
He looked down at me with brown eyes, and pulled me to my feet. "Come with me." He ordered. "I know a safe place."
[spoiler]This originally started as a short story, but I can't help thinking that I could go further with this. Please review, and let me know if I should continue it! :D [/spoiler]
Hey again!
I really like where this is going! You left a lot open here for the reader to think on. I agree completely with everything Jenny said about this.
You dropping the reader into this made it fun to catch up, good for something fast-paced (or horror haha). It sucks the reader in immediately, good job!
I'm curious to see where these characters and their setting go!
Good luck, cheers!
-Radio
Interesting start! If you have more ideas for this, I say go for it! Some things to think about going forward...
- How did the character get transported? Is it a specific technology that these strangers (aliens?) have? Maybe there are other places it can be used in the story for other purposes. If they have the ability to teleport people, that could be important in a lot of situations. It will be good to think about the restrictions, too--like if they can only teleport people in a certain state of mind because it hones in on brainwaves, or some other such detail.
- Why did the character get transported into an empty hall? Did he maybe get accidentally transported, wrong place wrong time sort of thing? Otherwise, why aren't his captors waiting for him?
- Why is the person walking through the hallway? Are they going from A to B (and about to run into the POVC by chance), or specifically after the POVC?
- Why does the person approaching have a knife (and out, at the ready, at that)? Why not a gun or anything else? Or if the purpose is to capture new transportees, maybe something more effective at that, like a net gun/taser/hardening foam sprayer/get creative. Is the blood everywhere because of people being knifed in the hallway, or some other instrument/weapon?
- Come to think of it, how DID the blood get there? Sounds like injured captives got dragged through to some other destination.
- How did the other boy escape? You know, it would be pretty fun if he's a plant. He's working for the bad guys, and this is the usual M.O. when they capture people--trick them into trusting someone like him.
Not that you haven't already planned these things, but if you want to stretch it out into a whole novel and haven't done a lot of brainstorming yet, those are some good places to start.
Ohhhhhhhh! This is so cool! 
Now on the the review:
The beginning was a touch confusing, you literally dropped the reader as well as the character into this new world. A little more context would be nice, unless you're going for a fast jarring feeling. If so, good job!
That was the only issue I had with this, now all I've got is love.
You gave us just enough description in this introduction, enough to make a blank, but all too eerie setting. I already like our nameless, gender-less character. Having a blank slate like that right at the start makes the reader put themselves in that character sometimes. And something like that is great in horror!
This concept is really, really, cool and I love that other children get "snatched up" and that it's not special thing with the POV character. I can't wait to see what sort of society has been build in such a place as this!
You should really continue this and explore every corner of this world you can!
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