Black is the color of the wispy fuzz of your newborn's head.
It's the smell of the ink you use to sign the birth certificate.
What surrounds you as you tuck your two year old in bed as she sucks her thumb.
The sky you look at with your loved one after your little girl falls asleep.
It's the F's on your teenager's report card.
Black is the filthy look she gives you during your shouting match.
It's what floods your heart when you go to her bedroom to apologize and find it empty.
It's what you can see through her open window.
It's what swallows you when the police tell you that a body has been found.
The color of the ice the car slid on. The smoke that billows from the wreckage.
Black is the color of the thick hair of your baby girl, soaking in a puddle of red.
It's the ink on her death certificate.
It's what you wear to her funeral.
It's the color of the wound you carry on your heart.
It's the shade of your partner's hair as they take your hand.
It's the night sky that reminds you that there's still beauty in this world.
The picture frame you keep her picture in, and say good morning to every day.
Black is the color of moving on.
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well this is quite the comprehensive look at the color black here. I'm not entirely sure what direction this piece is attempting to head in with this particular train of though, but so far we've had an interesting combination of situations being pointed out here, ranging from some that seem like they should be happy, to quite a few that are most certainly not. It definitely pulls you in as a reader I think.
Hmm, now that this continues on here, I can see it actually painting a bit of a story. While at first, it appears to be random, the further we go, the more it seems like there is a bit of a connection between each piece here and it comes together to form what seems to be a rather chilling picture on first glance here. Well, let's see where this manages to end up here.
Its certainly confirms here that we do have a seamless story happening, especially with how things end there. On the whole I think, it really comes together quite nicely to form a piece that leaves you with a sense of sadness, and just a bit of things to think about here. Its certainly quite the story...that you've created, just by focusing on this one single color there.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hey! FireBird99 here for a review.
This poem hit me hard when I was reading it. As I progressed in reading I felt a heaviness inside of me. Black is the mood when reading this poem. It truly was saddening. You did well on the emotional part of things and I congratulate you on this. Emotions in a reader is a main necessity in poetry.
This sentence felt stringy when reading it. Perhaps if you either say 'newborn's head' or 'baby's head' not both. They will still paint a clear picture in what you are expressing, only stronger emotions. The sentence as is doesn't flow very well and by the time I finished reading it I was more confused than in awe. I personally like the flow of just 'newborn's head' It is your poem though, so whichever you prefer. These are only suggestions.
I love your entire metaphor with black being all of these things. It adds a new aspect on looking at tragedies and we can all relate to a tragedy at one point or another in our life. You did well in bringing up the readers' emotions of their own personal experiences. Well done.
Keep writing!
~Fire
Thank you very much for the compliments! I can see what you mean when you say that that sentence is a bit awkward. Now that I read it again, I can see how it sort of falls out of the rythem. Thank you!
All were well deserved.
Remington38 here it's a pleasure to meet you.
Wow, this was just beautiful. I am really speechless and overcome with emotions after reading this (in a good way) and I love how it flows really well. I love that this is a positive story, yet still has that macabre and dark sense to it. I really loved it and found it very elegantly written. You are an extremely talented writer, and I hope to read more by you.
Thanks, Remmy! I appreciate it!
Oh my gosh, this was amazing. It was so beautiful and powerful, my jaw literally dropped whilst I was reading it.
"Black is the color of the thick hair of your baby girl, soaking in a puddle of red. "
It was this sentence in particular that I found so powerful. I was almost in shock after I read it.
Honestly, I cannot think of anything bad to say, I loved this, and I would love to read more things like this from you.
Aww, thanks! This is actually my first time trying to do this sort of thing, so I may try and do something like this again. Thanks for the review!
Hello.
This almost brought me to tears. In less than 20 lines you told a full story of a life and one that is relatable to many people thus making it a powerful. There were twists and turns, ups and downs and it is wonderful. It is all tied into the theme of black but also in life and loss. The word choice is great and it reminds me of poetry. The only thing I would recommend would be to keep it consistent like a poem such as keeping the first line starting with 'black' then have everything start with 'it's' and then end it with the word black again. I hope this helps!
Happy Writing!
-M.
Thank you so much!
This was sort of a one-off sort of thing for me so I won't be editing this one personally, but I think I have plans to do something like this again. I'll most definitely keep your advice in mind. Thank you for the review!