(This was meant to be read from bottom to top, and then top to bottom. There are two more sentences with bold and italic for you to find keke. Sorry this is my first poem so I really, really need some constructive criticism)
I love you
To the bitter end,
I yearn for you
Wanting you
And yet
Like the Moon
manipulating the tides
Like the farmer
slaughtering his pigs
Like the insects
driving holes in trees
You tear and tug at my heart
You play me for a fool
I am at a loss when
You brandish your words like a weapon
Venom dripping from within
Waiting for it to seep into my bones
You words drive me crazy
Crazy?
Am I
For leaving,
Your display of affection
Haunts me;
I am in shreds because it still
Was your love,
That I always
Was In your head
Notice me say the thought that
You didn't even
hurt when
Never
missing me crossed your mind
Saying that
didn't feel like you, and
It
Reminded me of home
I was a fool for
Telling myself that the person
Never
Wronged me;
You
Lied to me
You pretended,
To love me so
I hate you
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,015 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
Hey, it's Serrurie, here to leave a review! Let's dive in:
The Good Stuff
-I like how this can be read in either direction; it's something hard to accomplish, and you performed that well!
- The contrasting lines at the beginning and end is very interesting
- You're pretty good at figurative language
Room For Improvement
- This was a pretty good poem, but I think the emotions conveyed backward and forwards could be explored more. I just think there could be more contrast between backward and forwards, but that's it!
- This was a unique poem, and for your first poem, it was pretty amazing. Keep up the good work, and have a blessed day!
Serrurie
Thank you! I'll do better on my next poem ^^
Great poem written by the author (as this is your first poem its really nice).
"You tear and tug at my heart
You play me for a fool."
Well when you are in love, every moment you spend with your loved one feels like a dream. Love involves many things like affection, care, 'trust' (a very important one).
But when suddenly things go wrong, you start having fights and at last you decide to breakup. After breakup everything you do reminds you of all those sweet memories and all the precious time you both spent with each other (and it gets hard to forget him/her).
The poem conveys the message. You could just improve the rhyming a bit (its just a suggestion).
Keep it up.
Waiting for more.
Thank you.
Thank you for the review!!
I just realized this looks so messy..
It is a bit messy but, it does convey the message.