Her eyes are void and colourless
Every time she stares back, she is met with ice
Lost in the dull of her weariness
Perhaps once she'd been lively, but thrice
My heart and head tug in different directions
Eager to please
Eager to make connections
Maybe I have a strange disease
Preventing me from reaching out for comfort
Letting my soul rot from the outside in
Eating away at me even though I should have come first
How long until my eyes can sparkle, remains to be seen
.
Liking people is weak, a fickle thing
Only capable of hurting and scarring
Violence is taking a swing
Even though she hadn't been sparring
My heart and head tug in different directions
Eager to ruin
Eager to get rid of affections
Maybe my head should be screwed in
Especially since my pleas went unnoticed
Vague thoughts clouding my judgement
Ominously, all that swam my head were anecdotists
Leaving me choking and clawing for an ailment
.
How can this ever come to be
A cold, stale heart surrounding with walls
Till she can ever get the key
Even a miracle can't save her at all
My heart and head tug in different directions
Eager to distance
Eager to avoid reflections
Maybe I once had a meaning to my existence
Except now that I look at myself in the mirror
Tears stinging my sordid expressions
At least I can finally hear myself clearer
However arrogant I seem to give off as impressions
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,014 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
Hello! Ley here to review this amazing work for you. Today, I will be using my 'Summer Themed Review Template'! I will start with opening statements, highlight and summarize my favorite parts, note areas that could be improved, and then give you my closing statement! I hope you find this review helpful, and I hope you're having a wonderful Summer, if that's the season wherever you are in the world! Let's get into it!
A Warm Welcome
Firstly, I just wanted to say I hope you're enjoying YWS so far! This is an awesome place to share your poetry and prose, so I'm glad you're sharing some of yours! Your poem automatically caught my eye because of the bolding and formatting, so I had to click on it. Let's get into the good stuff~
Sunny Moments
The vibes I got from this poem were sad, longing for a sense of self awareness, confusion, and internal conflict. I can totally relate to these themes in certain aspects of my life, so I loved the fact you wrote from your heart and really explored 'her in the mirror.' These are some of my favorite lines, and why:
These beginning lines in the poem are so powerful and reflective. It shows what you, the writer, longs for-- people to like them, to please others, to crawl out of their self isolation and meet new people. This sets the tone nicely for the rest of the poem <3
I noticed that there's repetition of the lines that start with 'eager' throughout each stanza, and I love that little addition. It adds flow and something rhythmic to your poetry, and I'm a huge fan of it! Especially because they're all actions, it also adds a sense of physicality aside from the mental aspect.
The ending was also extremely powerful! It left me to reflect, and also closes out the poem with a big bang. Especially the line 'At least I can finally hear myself clearer". Wonderful job!
Heat and Haze
I don't have any suggestions for this piece. It was powerful, reflective, and deep! It was also well formatted, so nothing to say on that note either. It was truly a great read.
Overall Vibes
Overall, the symbolism, themes, and formatting of this poem are right on point. You started off by captivating our attention, and then ended with something to reflect on-- which is a sign of awesome poetry! Thank you for sharing and I hope you enjoy your time on YWS! Happy Writing ~
Hello there! This was a lovely poem, and I really enjoyed reading it. Let's jump right into the review, shall we?
I have to admit, I really struggled with figuring out how you reverse the words XDDD I could tell that we were spelling out words as we went down, but I didn't realize that it would be a phrase, and then the same phrase reversed. That definitely took me a minute. I think that was a super cool touch though, when we saw things like help me or hate me.
In terms of the content of a poem, I found it very interesting. To me, personally, this pump felt a lot like a narrative, as if you were describing yourself or someone else. Going through all these feelings that they feel, perhaps they look in the mirror or something. It really gave me that feelings. A reflection on oneself. Going through these different trials that you have, and how they relate to others around you and how they make you feel. I found it to be very honest, which I think benefited the poem a lot. I really love poems that are blatantly, honest like that. It adds this really deep emotional feel to it, which helps me stay engaged very easily. Sometimes when Palms get longer, I have a hard time concentrating. This poem was an interesting length, kind of right in the middle, not shorter long, but it held my attention very well. Overall, fantastic work, and I really enjoyed it! Lovely, formatting, and organization. The organization and reversal was very interesting too. Keep on writing and have a wonderful day!
Your friend,
Ellie
Thank you for reviewing my poem!!