Ch.5 run as fast as you can
Galvan sat a chain raped around his legs and arms that was connected to the leg of Lewis who hadn’t taken his eyes off him. The cave entrance had long since disappeared behind them as they rolled down the bumpy road.
The driver’s whistling was the only sound he had heard for miles. He had been already decide that if he tried to escape that Lewis would just take a tug on the chain. If he could get it off he could maybe make a run for it.
But he hoped he would be able to get back to the cave, he had only been out a few times with Krampus but didn’t know where he was now. This was new land to him and would probably get lost.
Lewis suddenly made several creaking noises. The driver pulled the cart over to the side, “were exactly it’s not Krampus is it he supposed to be half way across the country by now right.” More creaking and the driver nodded.
He got down and led the horses over to a small clump of trees and watched the road.
“What’s happening” the said the small gargoyle Rouen, “why the heck are we stopping we have schedule.”
The driver held up his hand “keep the boy quite, Lewis heard some horses coming from up ahead well let them pass and keep moving.”
Lewis stood and came over to Galvan to put a gag in his mouth, Galvan took the chance he grabbed the puppets arm and threw him at the gargoyle who screeched as the puppet was flung into him.
The leg suddenly ripped off and trapped the gargoyle under him, Galvan took off towards the woods and kept running trying to get the shackles off. He had the first one off his wrist when an arrow narrowly missed his head.
He didn’t look back but guessed it was the driver or one of the puppets he just ran as fast as he could, he should have run faster. He was suddenly tackled and pinned a knife to the back of his neck.
“My lord you can run fast even with those chains on you.” It was the driver who had quickly caught up and was now lifting him up, “let’s not do that again or I might not miss next time.”
They quickly walked back to the cart were Rouen sat glaring. He was thrown into the bed of the cart were he finally got a look at the drivers arms which were covered in symbols. Several were glowing dimly, Krampus had once told him about this as a form of magic called arcane bond.
The gargoyle walked over to Galvan and planted his stubby leg on his head “little runt I swear if you run like that again ill pummel you.” Galvan cowered as the man slapped a pair of strange cuffs on his wrists, the gargoyle sighed, “we had gone easy on you but we cant take any more chances so we will have to do this, run 20 feet from us it zaps you.”
The man pulled the horses toward the road and started off again with a faster pace, the last of the strange men stared at him while he sat, its eyes were buttons but they seemed more. He decide to speak praying it didn’t get him killed “what are they.”
The gargoyle Rouen looked back annoyed, “there flesh puppets, they have the body of a puppet but the bound souls of normal people, that’s another reason to not run if you do this girl takes you down.”
I looked back at the demon puppet thing, a human soul, but how why. Who in this world would make such horrible creatures? And why had they been sent with these two thugs been sent to capture me.
Krampus passed impatiently along the marble floor of the temple, Megaera stood watching him. Worry for her longtime friend hung to her face, they waited for her master, who was late.
Krampus looked out through the entrance, “were is he, why is he taking so long.”
Megaera remained silent but wondered why indeed her master was still absent for such a dangerous matter. Then there he was the sound of his horse riding up and to the door with her sisters close behind.
Through the doors came a large horse that towered over them and upon it was the man of the hour, Malus. He wore a cloak of dragon scales, his skin white as snow his hair well there was none, and his eyes like burning coals.
“He swung off his horse as Alecto and Tisiphone flew in after him. He landed with a loud thud and strode over to Krampus, “Krampus dear friend it is good to see you, I wish only it was under...”
He couldn’t finish as Krampus sent him flying through the air “dame you Malus do not patronize me, do not presume to be my friend that I have come to you to beg for your help. I come because of the fact of what you have decided and what would seem that others, darker others, have as well.”
Malus stood laughing, “Well I’m glad you haven’t lost your touch, but need to calm yourself so we may speak of the dire matter at hand.” He looked at Krampus his eyes filled with power. “now we all now know that this boy may very well be ghe’ ‘or SIQ which if are old friend truly is behind this then we have a large problem.
Krampus strode over and put a finger in his face “there is no evidence of it, Galvan is not ghe’ ‘or SIQ, there’s no way the sword was destroyed a million years ago by yourself did you not.”
Malus smacked his finger away and continued “yes, yes indeed I did but there was always the uncertainty that it had somehow survived and sadly this seem more and more likely.”
Krampus grew patience had run completely dry “by the seven divines you fool this is no time for wondering, this is the time to get Galvan we must find him. If we find him and protect him we can ovoid all of this, so help me or stay out of my way.”
Malus sighed his anger for now in check, “that is not true we need to find the sword, and if you decide to ignore my order I will be forced to take unpleasant measures to insure your obedience. If we find the sword I’ll be more then obliged to help in the search for this boy.”
Krampus flecked his claws reciting the urge to slash out at the demon but instead took to his knee, “yes my lord, thank you.” He stood and strode out Megaera tried to stop him but shouldered her off. He would play along if he didn’t he would never find Galvan it was a necessary evil.
Ch. 4 saved by the swords of the east
We had stopped in a small town were we get some more supplies and rest. I was still shackled a cloak hid them from the view of any around, the driver sat across from me glaring. Rouen and the puppet had stayed with the cart, so it was just me, the driver, and the other people in the bar.
The driver’s eye had an outline of thorns which was glowing, Galvan didn’t know what it did and didn’t want to find out. He had removed the chain but left on the bands themselves, so that the two didn’t look suspicious.
A small plump women in a large dress rushed over smiling, “what can I get ye to find gents on this brisk night Ron’s got a stew a brewing if ye like some. Though I’d suggest it with a bit of salt or rum it’s a little well you’ll see.” She stood smiling as the driver took out his pouch.
He handed over some coins, “will have two bowls, I’ll get a rum. We also will need a room were staying the night.” She nodded and headed to the kitchen. The driver turned his gaze back to me.
We sat until the women returned with the bottle and key, a toddler trailed close behind her this time. She had scraggly hair that hung around her head, “oh come now sweet you don’t need to cling to me like a burr, hear ye go Ron’s almost done with the stew and I’ll get it out to ye.” The driver nodded and shoved the key in his pocket.” The women trailed off to the kitchen the girl scurrying after her.
The driver reached into his cloak and took a swig of the alcohol, he sat for a second then grimaced in pain. I could see liquid pooling out of his side, I could see it was the alcohol pouring out from a gash in side that had been poorly dressed and looked as though it was infected.
The driver saw him starring and flipped his cloak over it and snarled, “It’s rude to stare, didn’t the old beast teach you that or did he just teach to be annoying.” Galvan looked down at the table.
Suddenly the door burst open a bunch of men and young women walked in laughing and howling. They wore light leather armor with the emblem of some school Krampus had mentioned. One walked up to the counter a raped on it. “Hey! We need several rooms out here a meal fit for Kamayurá head watcher, when the old geezer gets here.” This raised several shouts and chuckles from the group.
The women came out handed the man four keys, “well look who’s back done with the festival are ye.” She pointed to three tables which they pushed together and sat talking and laughing.
The driver frowned “this place just keeps getting better doesn’t it.” He took another swig groaning.
They sat the driver taking a couple drinks snarling in pain and taking another. Galvan remained silent hoping to avoid any more conflict with the strange man. He suddenly felt the awkward sense of being watched, he looked at the driver who was still drinking then glanced around.
He couldn’t see anyone really but it was a strong feeling, then he looked towards the group. Sitting around the back not talking was a girl no younger them him staring directly at him she had dark brown hair, and pale skin, an inquisitive look held in her eyes. He looked back down and saw she could plainly see the strange bindings. He pushed the cloak over them and looked back. She glanced at the driver and back at me, I prayed for help, silently begged but she moved into the group out of sight.
The driver shifted up as the women came over with two steaming bowls, “there ye go gents I hope ye enjoy.” She strolled off, to the kitchen. The driver quickly began to eat surprising Galvan.
The driver glanced up, “come on eat, just because of the factors of this day doesn’t mean I’m going to starve you.” Galvan stared at him but began to eat.
He suddenly noticed the girl was back but with a taller gentlemen with slightly thicker armor and was nodding at them talking to him. He continued to eat slowly glancing as they talked the man nodded and they moved back into the crowed.
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He didn’t see either again and lost hope as the driver walked him to the room. The room was small with two beds. The driver had locked him to the bed post and ordered him to go to sleep before crawling in his bed himself.
The room had very little in it, a water mason sat in the corner, the window rattled slightly as wind blew outside. The strange magical shackle on Galvan’s wrist pulsated slightly, the symbols seemed to move as Galvan examined it determined to find a way to get them off.
He examined the small key hole, the driver had left it with his puppet, so he couldn’t get it but maybe he could try to pick it or pull something out, poke some stuff and force them open. But with what there was nothing small enough to get in the hole. What could he use, he looked around him for anything, then he remembered the strange metal piece he had found, he slowly looked through his pockets trying to not wake the driver.
He pulled it out of his pocket and looked at it. Earlier it had looked to be of bronze but now Galvan was unsure because it looked darker but the symbols looked like they had been painted red. It seemed to hum in his hands, he put it in the lock and tried to move it around but it could only jest fit in the hole.
He pulled it out and looked at the piece of metal in his hands. His anger surged and he tried to through it, but it wouldn’t leave his hand it just stuck. He looked at it trying to pull it off but it wouldn’t come off, it was like it had been imbedded into his hand.
Suddenly it grew warm and the symbols came to life glowing brightly moving around. He suddenly heard speaking, “'ay' mev, puqloD mev.” He suddenly saw a flash of light and he was in the strange lavished room from when he had first found the piece.
He heard the door fly open and rushed in the old women with the sword he had seen. “I saw this coming, I warned you all!” she rushed to the window and swung it open she pulled the curtain down whistled loudly and began to rap the sword in the curtains.
Galvan walked up and looked at the sword, it had the same symbols as the piece, she covered it quickly though, as a large hawk flew in. “oh my old friend I must call up a final favor, take this sword and hide it let none find it, protect it with your life.” The hawk took it in its talons and took off at surprising speed.
She spun around as something slammed into the door it bulged but held, she rushed to the wall and pushed on a brick which then slid out to reveal two swords. She grabbed one and slid it back into place, the door bulged again cracking as it was struck again. She held the sword at the ready in front of herself ready.
The door suddenly exploded into splinters and out spilled tons of smoke, flowing in slowly coming closer. “My, my Rubella are you still alive after all these years.” The voice was cold and unnatural. Galvan strained to see the speaker but everything was fading, he heard the old women yell as his vision went dark.
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Galvan’s eyes flew open he was back in the bed a shackle on his wrist a sliver of metal in his hand. He breathed heavily, the voice that had come from the smoke was burned into his mind and rung loud and clear making him shudder.
He suddenly heard a creak from the door as it slowly swung open. Galvan didn’t move the hall was empty. Suddenly he saw the head of the girl peak around the door frame she, looked at Galvan then at the driver who was snoring softly.
She put a finger to her lips and slowly moved towards the bed, when she reached it she motioned for Galvan’s hand, he hesitated but let her take it. She pulled a strange marble from her pocket and placed it over the key hole. It suddenly slipped through the hole, it clinked for a second and then he saw several spikes extruded from the sides breaking the lock.
The shackle fell from his arm and he looked as it suddenly began to dissolve. He looked at the girl as she motioned for him to follow, they quickly moved through the door and down the stairs were the man stood looking quite anxious. “Did it work?” He quickly moved to the door his voice was very rough and sounded strained.
She walked over, “obviously or we wouldn’t be here, everyone ready to go.” Her voice was very soft, but strangely calming. She quickly went through the door, the man motioned for Galvan to follow. It was drizzling and very cold. Down the road a cart sat with the same symbol they wore.
The man and girl hurried over Galvan began to follow when he heard something running up behind him. He spun around to see the drivers puppet coming quickly with the gargoyle following. The puppet tackled him and pinned his head. Galvan yelled and struggled to get the puppet off, he suddenly felt a string hanging lose from the puppet as he felt around. He grabbed and pulled he felt sand pour out onto his body as the puppet fell apart.
He pulled away as the gargoyle ran up his claws sharp but the man stepped over him and cut its head off. “Hey no don’t do that I can’t move, HELP, HELP!” Galvan quickly stood and began to head for the carriage but stopped and looked at the small head.
He rushed back grabbed the head and began running as it protested, he jumped in the cart and shoved it in his pocket. The man jumped in the front and sent the horse quickly off down the road. Galvan panted as the girl whooped, “yes we did it, that actually worked.” The man shook his head and steered the horses around a fallen branch.
Galvan stared at the girl her hair whipped around as the cart bounced. Her eyes were a brilliant dark blue, they captivated Galvan’s thoughts. She turned her gaze towards Galvan and smiled, “so now that’s over spill who was that man why and did he have you all chained up.” She looked almost angry now and looked as though she was ready to flatten Galvan if he said the wrong thing.
Galvan stared back not knowing how to answer, and fearing the suddenly quite violent young lady, who had a just as intimidating sword sitting next to her. To Galvan’s luck the man saved him, “give him a break Catharine he’s obviously exhausted and has little clue why himself, but when we get back were going to have plenty of questions which he’s going to be delighted to try and answer.” Galvan curled up holding the gagged head of the gargoyle and wondered where they were going as the cart rolled quickly down the dirt road.
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Hey there! I'm here for a quick review on this lovely Review Day! I apologize in advance for not having read the previous chapters to this, but hopefully I'll be able to help anyway!
The first thing I noticed is that this could do with a bit of a proofread. In just the first few paragraphs, there are several grammar errors that could have been easily fixed by a proofread. Writerkitty pointed out most of them for you, so I'm not going to point them out again.
But the other thing I noticed is that you have several, more subtle, grammar errors throughout the piece. They mostly have to do with commas, which is understandable - comma rules are generally the most complex part of grammar. A simple thing to remember to avoid comma splices (which is when you join two phrases together, but they should both be their own sentence) is that you don't join two independent clauses together without some form of conjunction (and, or, etc.) between them.
For example, your sentence "He rushed back grabbed the head and began running as it protested, he jumped in the cart and shoved it in his pocket." is a comma splice. Either there should be a "then" after "protested," or they should be two separate sentences.
For further help regarding grammar, there are lots of great YWS article on it here: Grammar & Research
Other than that, the story itself was pretty good, and definitely interesting. The main thing I would say is that your pacing felt a bit off. Sometimes, especially at the beginning, everything felt like it was moving too fast and it was hard to keep track of what was going on. Also, most of your paragraphs in the first few sentences are all the same length, which makes the writing feel stilted and unnatural.
And that's all I've got! Good luck, and keep writing!
thanks so much
Hello there!!! I'm here to review your story as requested.And sorry for taking so long! >.< I was really, really busy!
I thought to show out the errors and my suggestions by taking out each paragraph.
Your story is really interesting and I think it has a good plot and amazing characters. But I think there are a few places where you can make a few changes to make the story more interesting.
It should be 'draped' not raped and 'was' should be 'were' because the singular verb 'was' does not appear to agree with the plural subject his legs and arms.
And 'The cave entrance had long since disappeared behind them' part is confusing, can you change it a bit because it doesn't seem to fit the sentence.
'decide' should be 'decided' and I think the 'been' part isn't really necessary.
You should place a 'he' between 'and' and 'would'.
The driver's first dialogue seems unclear. I found it a little confusing when I was reading that part. Try to change it a little bit.
There should be a question mark after 'happening' and it should be 'a schedule' not 'schedule'
And 'quite'' should be written as 'quiet'.
There are a few other errors like this in the other chapters as well. I think it's best if you re-read it. And 'Grammarly' is a really great tool to check for errors.
Your story is amazing, and I really like the characters too. The small grammar mistakes and some places where the sentences don't flow right confused me a little. I'll be glad to help if you need me to show out all the errors. I only showed out a few here.
Overall this is an interesting chapter and with a few adjustments, it'll be perfect. Oh, I'm glad that you're describing places and characters well. It helps the reader to get a better understanding about the whole situation.
Anyway, let me know if you want me to correct the whole thing.
Never stop writing and have an amazing day!!!!
writerkitty.
don't worry kitty its all fine your support is much appreciated and i will change those mistakes thank you so much my friend.