is like riding a hippo with arthritis
through a viscous Egyptian mudpit.
Passing through the pit
would be preferable
to you. Arthritic
hippos find the mud
to be soothing like aloe
on a sun kissed brow.
Human intelligence
and cognitive competence
mean nothing to a strong hippo,
so in your cleverness
of trying to convince
the chunky hippo
you start to wonder
how you got in the mudpit, an Egyptian
mudpit none-the-less, in the first place.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,079 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
Hello Joseph!
This is a very interesting poem.
Its very unusual from most poem, which made it a very fun read.
The way you described the hippo was fantastic, you have a real advantage from that.
The words you used really went with the poem.
There is one thing I did ketch, its a little sloppy.
Now, when writing a poem you do need to try and put it into category.
Also you want to use punctuation, I do see you have some but there's a couple more.
Also try to manage your lines a bit more, keep them around a length that you want them, but keep them that size all the way down.
oh! And make sure to capitalize!
Either than that this was a great read.
I hope to read more from you!
Happy review day!
Sincerely Anma
It's wonderful and so different from what I'd think or feel about being forced to write poetry for school.
The wondering part blew me away!
Interesting poem! I like the unusual length of lines and the comparison between writing and riding a Hippo made me chuckle. A few things to consider is maybe add a bit more punctuation at the end of the lines because it sounds a bit choppy. (this may be intended so feel free to ignore me). I don't really understand how "none-the-less" fits into the last line. Other than that it was really funny.
Keep up the good work!