Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » General

E - Everyone

Masks

by JosephHazel2


Neurons and bits,

similar but all different in the information projected.

Spontaneous against

the controlled response,

a shell versus the open door.

What hides in the text I send?

Everyone reads the same but hears it

in a dozen different voices.

Here I am the child,

there I am the adult;

there I hold my tongue, there I know what to say,

there I hide until I know what to say.

Here is the zebra, here is where

I throw childish fodder before children.

There I pounce. There a lie is a lie

and everyone will find out,

here a lie is clever: Here a lie will win the day.

The anecdotal reigns supreme.

I want to learn to sew.

I want to find my way to bridge these informations,

thread a line between my black and gray masks. Hammer out the

white, make the gray.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
109 Reviews


Points: 471
Reviews: 109

Donate
Wed Jan 16, 2019 2:25 am
LordStar wrote a review...



Hi, Ollie here! Let's get right into it.

What hides in the text I send?

Everyone reads the same but hears it

in a dozen different voices.


Really liked this bit here. It conveys to me that even though a text may be interpreted countless ways, no one but the sender/writer will know the true intended meaning behind it.

There a lie is a lie

and everyone will find out,

here a lie is clever: Here a lie will win the day.


This does a great job of illustrating what is meant by the title.

I want to learn to sew.

I want to find my way to bridge these informations,

thread a line between my black and gray masks. Hammer out the

white, make the gray.


My only problem with this is how jarring the shift is in subject matter. You go straight from examples of different masks to a seemingly unrelated topic, with no transition. I had to reread the end of the poem to make sense of it. That, and the line 'anecdotal reigns supreme' threw me off.

Other than that, this was interesting to read! I really enjoyed it.

Keep writing,

- Oliver




User avatar
419 Reviews


Points: 21486
Reviews: 419

Donate
Sun Jan 13, 2019 2:50 pm
View Likes
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello, Shikora here with a review.

Let's get right to it.
I really like the way you start this poem out, It was really interesting, The lines all flowed together really well, and you put your punctuation all in the right places, and it gives it just the right flow. So well done.
I really like the name you chose for your poem, it got my attention right away, and that was really cool, it was nice to know you had that power over me, that just made me come and read your poem.
Put I did find one thing and I would like to point it out.

thread a line between my black and gray masks. Hammer out the

white, make the gray.


So these two lines would be read a lot better if they were one. It felt a little odd reading them as two lines.

Well that was all I could see, I really liked reading and reviewing you poem for you, it was really fun, I hope to see more of your works out on YWS soon. Never stop writing and have a great day/night.

Your friend
Shikora. :D




User avatar
121 Reviews


Points: 191
Reviews: 121

Donate
Sat Jan 12, 2019 7:35 pm
View Likes
Horisun says...



This is a very interesting poem, I really liked it! You had great word choice, and it was great! However, you sometimes you separated the lines in places it shouldn't have been, for example,
"Everyone reads the same but hears it
a dozen different voices"
That should be one line. Also, there should be a coma before the but. You might catch some of these errors if you go through one more time.
Other then that, this was a really good poem. Keep writing!




User avatar
121 Reviews


Points: 191
Reviews: 121

Donate
Sat Jan 12, 2019 7:34 pm
View Likes
Horisun wrote a review...



This is a very interesting poem, I really liked it! You had great word choice, and it was great! However, you sometimes you separated the lines in places it shouldn't have been, for example,
"Everyone reads the same but hears it
a dozen different voices"
That should be one line. Also, there should be a coma before the but. You might catch some of these errors if you go through one more time.
Other then that, this was a really good poem. Keep writing!





Between living and dreaming there is a third thing. Guess it.
— Antonio Machado