Neurons and bits,
similar but all different in the information projected.
Spontaneous against
the controlled response,
a shell versus the open door.
What hides in the text I send?
Everyone reads the same but hears it
in a dozen different voices.
Here I am the child,
there I am the adult;
there I hold my tongue, there I know what to say,
there I hide until I know what to say.
Here is the zebra, here is where
I throw childish fodder before children.
There I pounce. There a lie is a lie
and everyone will find out,
here a lie is clever: Here a lie will win the day.
The anecdotal reigns supreme.
I want to learn to sew.
I want to find my way to bridge these informations,
thread a line between my black and gray masks. Hammer out the
white, make the gray.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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140,079 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
Hi, Ollie here! Let's get right into it.
Really liked this bit here. It conveys to me that even though a text may be interpreted countless ways, no one but the sender/writer will know the true intended meaning behind it.
This does a great job of illustrating what is meant by the title.
My only problem with this is how jarring the shift is in subject matter. You go straight from examples of different masks to a seemingly unrelated topic, with no transition. I had to reread the end of the poem to make sense of it. That, and the line 'anecdotal reigns supreme' threw me off.
Other than that, this was interesting to read! I really enjoyed it.
Keep writing,
- Oliver
Hello, Shikora here with a review.
Let's get right to it.
I really like the way you start this poem out, It was really interesting, The lines all flowed together really well, and you put your punctuation all in the right places, and it gives it just the right flow. So well done.
I really like the name you chose for your poem, it got my attention right away, and that was really cool, it was nice to know you had that power over me, that just made me come and read your poem.
Put I did find one thing and I would like to point it out.
So these two lines would be read a lot better if they were one. It felt a little odd reading them as two lines.
Well that was all I could see, I really liked reading and reviewing you poem for you, it was really fun, I hope to see more of your works out on YWS soon. Never stop writing and have a great day/night.
Your friend
Shikora.
This is a very interesting poem, I really liked it! You had great word choice, and it was great! However, you sometimes you separated the lines in places it shouldn't have been, for example,
"Everyone reads the same but hears it
a dozen different voices"
That should be one line. Also, there should be a coma before the but. You might catch some of these errors if you go through one more time.
Other then that, this was a really good poem. Keep writing!
This is a very interesting poem, I really liked it! You had great word choice, and it was great! However, you sometimes you separated the lines in places it shouldn't have been, for example,
"Everyone reads the same but hears it
a dozen different voices"
That should be one line. Also, there should be a coma before the but. You might catch some of these errors if you go through one more time.
Other then that, this was a really good poem. Keep writing!