Published January 1, 2008
Inspired by a cold, dreary afternoon that was somehow still beautiful to me.
Critique and advise, please! Hugs will be awarded! 
---
How wonderful is it to realize
That winter
Is here?
That it has snuck up on you
And sprung its chill surprise,
That the air
Is no longer something to bathe in,
But something to hide from?
It chases at your collar,
Tries to tempt you out.
The skies are dull,
The trees asleep,
The world is sending signals
To slow down,
But the wind ignores the change.
As winter wears on,
Even wild wind grows tired.
There is a moment,
When the great, creeping clouds
Have overtaken the skies,
The wind has stopped,
The trees stand bare.
If you look up in this moment,
And wait
With quiet breaths
And frozen feet,
You will see
The small white cavalry come,
Tiny bombs falling
In slow motion to the ground,
Claiming the land as winter-touched,
And conquered by the cold.
All things that live
Stop and pay respect
To the majesty
Of winter.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,471 Literary Works • 674,496 Reviews
Nice. A few places I found were a bit choppy, but overall I liked it.
That's a bit awkward, I'd say scrap the "weather" part. Get to the point.The
again, "world" by itself would be stronger, your qualifier weakens the word "world."
I liked your second last stanza the best. If you want, I think you could definitely condense the first couple of stanzas to make it a stronger, more dramatic poem.
This is really good. I suppose I'm a little biased though - I can find so few people to agree with me that winter is the most beautiful season. I mean sure, summer's great, but winter ... Sorry, I'm getting carried away. Anyway, your poem is great. I'm not sure that you need the last stanza though - but if you want to keep it, extend it because at the moment it seems a little out of place.
Bkwrm
I wrote a sonnet on winter a few months ago.
Anyway, I liked it.
I really like the way you described winter in this piece, I could imagine it all. However, I had a bit of a problem with it - it just doesn't seem to flow very well. This, though:
Hehe, very good. Keep writing!
The skies are dull,
The trees asleep,
I liked very much - the idea of sleeping trees, and it sounds great. Also, this:
With quiet breaths
And frozen feet,
Ooh, and the snow being described as tiny bombs!