Her faint blue, silver tainted skirts swirl and shimmer about her feet. Her silver eyes glisten in the fading dark. A silver arrow unmoving in her quiver, wolves howling in the wood. Her auburn curls unmoving, frame her angled face. Her red lips form a smile.
In the distance, the sun rises, and standing in the dark, the full moon, shedding its last moments of light upon the world, fills her with energy. The horizon turns pink, the wolves begin the climax of their song, praising their goddess. It is time, and she has informed her silver Hunters. The trees shadows begin to stretch as though wakening from a deep sleep, and her smile widens. Suddenly, the pink stretches across the sky, forming purples and blues, and many yellows. A magnificent splendour, but she has no time to watch. Stepping back into the shadows, she flees from the light and finding the tallest mountain, begins to climb.
Time is against her. She must hurry. Her hands begin to bleed a golden blood from the effort. Her arrow rattles in her quiver, urging her on, but not encouraging. This is her chance. She must not fail. Faster than light, she darts to the highest peak of the silver mountain. The light begins to drain the moons final energy. The wolves have stopped their howling. The Romans must not win. Her smile abruptly sinks into a concentrated frown.
Pulling herself to the top, she straightens to find a pillar of light, created by the rays of the sun, swirling in the morning mist in which Sol, the Roman form of Apollo, can only appear. Relieved, she watches and waits. She made it. She beat the sun. The man is handsome with golden hair and a strong jaw, but she is undaunted. His hair is too dull, his smile compelling not warming, as it should be. She takes her arrow and runs her hand over its feathers. In the bright light, her silver eyes gleam more impressive than the luminous yellow in front of her, defying the Romans raw power. The moon's light is almost gone, and she knows she has little time left. The sun is almost whole.
"Hello, Diana," he whispers, his voice soothing, almost pulling her into its lie. But she proves true to the Greek and draws her arrow back as though knocked in a bow, though she has none in her hands. She releases, and the arrow flies into his heart, with the guidance of the moon. Recognizing the danger, Sol releases a burst of light too late. This light fades, her exuberant eyes proving the stronger.
"I am not Diana," she replies rebelliously, and turns away. The moon had never failed her before and never would. It had always served as her bow. The Romans, in their greed had wanted to steal this from her. They had wanted the moon. Through covetous actions, they had become known to steal identities as well. She refused to allow this to happen to her or any of her family and Apollo had succumbed to the sweet lull of the Romans, becoming Sol. In her defiance, she had avenged her brother, killing Sol and allowing Apollo his desired freedom.
Behind her, the body of Sol fades into dust, and glancing at the sun, she witnesses its new brightness and the hair of Apollo stretching the suns warm rays. She could almost see him smiling. Finally, Apollo would remain Greek, never to be deceived again by the Romans. Pride fills within her. She was not Diana, her Roman form, whom she despised.
She was Artemis, queen of the wolves, her valiant Hunters, and Mistress of the Moon.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
That was great! I love your descriptions of everything, especially of Artemis. Beautiful! It was really well written and flowed together nicely. In fact it leaves me wanting more, despite having a nice, clean ending.
The punctuation and grammar was pretty close to flawless, as far as I could tell, which is a victory in itself. Nice job!
Nice! I love Artemis! This story is very descriptive and flows together. Keep writing more!
I started reading this because I LOVE greek mythology and it's always annoyed me how Romans appropriated it. Because of that, i absolutely love this story. I was a little worried that you might get some of the mythology wrong (because personally that drives me insane), but you did a wonderful job and that wasn't an issue.
I like how the whole story was very consistent with mythology and was tied together very well. I also really like how this has a clear plot, with an ending (instead of seeming like an intro).
Good job, this was awesome.
What's up, Jibber? It's Storm here to review for you once more!
As always: Write on!
Being an avid fan of mythology (especially of that pertaining to Greece), I was honestly wary of this short story initially. However, I continued to read from the first edge of your work until the last syllable, after you successfully grasped my attention and refused to relinquish your spellbinding grip over my eager eyes. So basically... I quite enjoyed this work! The descriptive scene was wholly mesmerizing, only faltering in a few spots where misplaced commas and poorly positioned periods interrupted a beautiful thought. The only crimson, absolutely obvious negative I uncovered throughout "Mistress of the Moon" was the overuse of very short sentences and fragments. Do not misinterpret what I'm saying; fragments and basic phrasing is perfectly fine and useful, but only when used correctly. Try backing off of these two slightly in this short because it regrettably draws away from your gorgeous scene occurring here.
That's about it from me this time around, Jibber!
---Stormsie
I understand what you're saying. But I used the short sentences to provide different emotions in the story. The first paragraph was meant to be mystical and attention grabbing (as I hope it was). The relation between Artemis, wolves, and the color silver was, I hope, portrayed somewhat in the story. After all, these three ideas is what inspired me to write it.
The short sentences in the third paragraph was to provide suspense and urgency. The ones in the fourth paragraph are to inflict a sense of relief. And so on. However, even as I write this I understand it can be a little confusing. Thanks for the review and I'll keep your suggestion in mind. 
I really quite liked this. The character of Artemis was everything she should of been and you managed to humanise and motivate her in a way the classical myths often don't. One of the stories strengths is the way you show the moons power and it's struggle against the sun energy, this was very good because it created a thread throughout the story that transcended the basic plot. Even if you don't develop this into a larger story I encourage you to use the character of Artemis again, you understand her quite well and there are so many opportunities for really intense writing. This was of very high quality and was very well controlled.
Thanks! Artemis has always been one of my favorite greek godesses so I tend to do more research and reading on her than everyone else.
Hi, I'm Celticmusicgirl and I'll be reviewing this today.
Wow! I really loved this. I have always been fond of the Greek and Roman myths. THey are so fascinating. I like the way you added some rivalry between the Greek and Roman gods. IT reminds me of the "Percy Jackson and the Olympians" books. I didn't spot any errors in this piece, so good job there. Please write more and please PM me when you get more of this story posted.
Thanks!
Sorry to disappoint, but I hadn't intended on writing more to this since it is a short story. I tend to leave my short stories a little less descriptive than my novels. This one I had entered into a fair, so it could only be 1 page long. That's why it's so short. But since I love myths I'll continue to write more relating to this idea.
Alright. Let me know when you post more.
The stuff cheetah said pretty much sums it all up. This is amazing. I find the Roman and Greek gods amazing and you sir (or ma'am), made them even cooler.
I also love the fact that you showed how the gods were struggling between their Greek/Roman forms. You also left so much for the reader to imagine, without leaving the story too empty. I hope one day I can write like you. Keep writing. 
Hi, Cheetah here to review your story!
Wow. Just wow. This may be the best short story I've ever seen on this site. Beautifully written, wonderful flow, vocabulary. Everything.
I tried to find something that I could critique, so I finally found this:
There's a lot of commas in this sentence. I would suggest breaking it up into a couple sentences to make it smoother.
That's all I could find. GREAT job and keep writing!
Thanks!