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Hunt of the Horn - Prologue - Part 2

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Pain lanced up his leg as he fell to the ground, more worried about the creature he knew watched him than the hooves that thundered alongside him. Just then, a hoof slammed into his stomach and he released the mare's mane. Groaning, Chayton tried to examine his surroundings but the shadows of the trees and the blackness of the night limited his sight.

Sensing a presence just beyond his vision, Chayton patted the ground around him searching for some kind of defensive mechanism; a long, sturdy stick perhaps. As he did so, he hoped his horse would make it through the danger and carry the Horn to some kind of safety where it would hopefully be found again.

You know what we seek, a hushed voice echoed, coming from everywhere at once. It took Chayton a moment to realize the voice spoke from within his mind.

"What do you want with it?" Chayton defiantly inquired, knowing full well the answer but hoping to buy if only a little time for the escape of his horse.

In answer, a menacing growl came from the bushes to his left causing him to twirl around, pivoting on his injured leg. He gritted his teeth as his fingernails bit sharply into his palms, drawing thin droplets of blood. Somehow, though swaying dangerously, Chayton managed to stay upright. A pair of gleaming yellow eyes peered out at him from the faint outline of a bush, promising death. Now even more alert than before, he resumed his vehement search for a weapon.

Do not be foolish, the creature snarled. It would be very unwise. Despite the clear warning in the words, Chayton couldn't believe he would have much choice in the matter of his survival. Sighing, he stood as tall as was possible, a defiant posture.

"Take it then," he whispered, a harsh tone to his threatening words. Before his words had even left his mouth, claws dug into his chest, knocking him onto his back and slicing his shirt and skin open. He could not see his attacker and he could not tell if his vision had gone blacker. As he died, he thought and hoped with all his might, with everything left within him, that the Horn would be found and recognized for what it was.

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User avatar
Snowery
Review
Snowery wrote a review · Sat Nov 16, 2013 7:57 am

Hey Jibber!!

Silver here!! :) Nice to see another chapter of this brilliant story going up so quickly! I really like where this story is going. You're really good with descriptions and creating atmosphere and I really am going to miss Chayton :(
One thing I noticed is that you said:
"Chayton defiantly inquired"
I don't know if it's just me but the words defiant and inquired don't seem to go together. Inquired just seems to polite to be defiant. However that probably just a personal thing and it's just nitpicking lol.

Can't wait to see more!!

Silverlock

User avatar
Cheetah
Review

Hi, Cheetah again, here to review your piece!

This was intriguing. I'm definitely interested to know what comes next. Like since this character is dead, who will be the new main character? Or will this character somehow come back? I can't wait to find out!

The one thing I saw that I would change is was in the first paragraph:

Pain lanced up his leg as he fell to the ground, more worried about the creature he knew watched him than the hooves that thundered alongside him. Just then, a hoof slammed into his stomach and he released the mare's mane. Groaning, Chayton tried to examine his surroundings but the shadows of the trees and the blackness of the night limited his sight.

I noticed you never mentioned that he landed. I know it's obvious he does, but my mind was hanging on to the fact that he was in the air and it got kind of disorienting to discover he wasn't anymore. So just a little clue (Ex: He felt the wind knock out of him as he hit the ground) might help readers in terms of context.

That's pretty much it! I'm really excited about this- I'll definitely read more. Keep writing! :D

Thanks! I'll be sure to add that in. :)



mashed potatoes are v a l i d
— Liminality