(Note: The character Mint does use Xe/xym pronouns because those are deemed neutral pronouns. And also do you guys think I think I should continue this? This was from like 2018, and probably a fanfic type of thing, I don't remember. So if you want me to continue it, let me know! Thanks!)
The sun shone brightly on the small town Mint was exploring. Xe had visited art galleries, ate delicious ice cream, and played with the pigeons that came near xym. It was a perfect day for Mint. Xe brushed a bit of xyrs pastel green hair, while smiling over today.
"Time to get home and sleep," Mint mumbled. Xe pulled out xyr phone out of xyr pocket. A second later, Mint's face paled. Mint's phone died!
Groaning, Mint shook xyr head. Continuing to wander, Mint believed xe could find the train station without any assistance.
As the walk dragged on, Mint realized that xe could not find the train. Mint's eyes filled with tears, Mint was ready to cry.
"This cannot be happening," Mint whined. Looking around, Mint noticed a bakery with bright lights and a sense of coziness to it.
Mint sprinted towards the bakery, hoping that xe can charge xyr phone once inside. Mint began to look down again, and opened the door, only to bump into someone.
"Oh my gosh I am so sorry!" Mint exclaimed, looking up in embarrassment. Mint looked at the person and began to blush even more out of humiliation. The person in front of Mint, had mesmerizing blue eyes, and strawberry-ginger hair that appeared to be tamed to be messy appearing. Mint noted the aesthetic look the stranger was going on with their pastel clothing as well.
"Oh! Not a problem at all!" the stranger answered with an English accent," Everyone gets bumped into, do not worry!"
The stranger offered a wide and genuine smile, "My name is Oliver, and who might you be?"
Oliver examined Mint closely. He noticed the small pronoun pin on Mint's star patterned lilac colored shirt.
"Oh hello there Oliver, I'm Mint," Mint answered back, readjusting xyr glasses after the awkward incident.
"Very well! Nice to have you Mint," Oliver smiled, clapping his hands together. Mint offered a small smile back. Oliver backed up and gestured for Mint to enter.
"You look upset, " Oliver continued, "Please have yourself a cupcake and tell me what is wrong?"
Mint blushed, embarrassed, "Thank you, but are you sure you want me to take one?"
Oliver gasped and rushed behind the counter, "I would be more offended if you did not!"
"Oh, um okay, the red velvet one looks delicious, is that okay?" Mint replied, fishing out their wallet.
"Oh excellent choice! Also, please no need to pay, it is on the house!" Oliver smiled. He took the cupcake from the display and put it on a small plate. He passed the plate to Mint.
"Thanks, but are you sure you don't want me to pay, I don't mind." Mint answered, taking the plate.
"No no I'm very positive! Please take it." Oliver smiled.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Well, this is a sweet story! (Pun intended, sorry not sorry.) Mint and Oliver both seem like pretty realistic characters. I’d really like to see a part 2!
I really love your word choice. This goes for normal words and Mint’s pronouns. I’ve never heard Xe/Xym, I might just use that for my Non-Binary oc.
The only nitpick is personality’s. I wish you would’ve gone into more detail on Mint’s in particular, Oliver’s is just fine for me.
Overall, I think this story is really cute, and I hope you keep up the great work!
-✨
Hey pal! I'm Caroline and I'll be reviewing your work.
MISTAKES-
I scrolled forever and i don't see anything. It might be my eye, or you just did well. Good on that! Someone may find something as I am not an expert at this. I am still a newbie to this site.
COMMENTARY-
I enjoy the use of pronouns, which i haven't seen in something. I sense a blossoming something from this short scene, so I love it. Mint is likable and Oliver is coming together nicely.
SUGGESTIONS-
I suggest to wait for more experienced eyes to check as i referenced before. Maybe add some detail to make the chapters longer.
Thank you so much for the review, it was really, nice, and it kind of motivated to start the possible next part of this story.
And thank you, I learned about xe/xym a while back when I wrote this, and I thought why not use them? There are so many neutral pronouns I've seen and read about, and it's really cool to be honest with you.
Thank you again.
Of course!