Orion:The Conqueror (Part 3 Comments encouraged)

Inside the conference room was millions of people. Yet it wasn’t the people he was amazed at. It was the room. It consisted of million of seat studded in jewels.

Each chair had a name on it made of crystal. There was one reserved for him. Well, real any LowerWorlder that came there. He and Livie had to sit in one seat, while Hope sat by herself. The chairs were a soft red fabric and were smooth to the touch.

Orion looked up. The conference table was more of a jury area, with two areas, the defendant and the

“Oh, I know this” Orion thought. “Ah, the prosecutor?”

Orion liked the name and kept it. The only difference was the Judges area was a long table, with Warrick sitting at the end.

“Defendant rise to your post.” Warrick said.

Orion looked around. No one was moving!

“UnderWorlders rise to your post as defendant.”

Orion thought for a moment. “I haven't done anything wrong.” He reasoned in his head. “All I did was get sucked up here.”

Orion took his post. A man walked up to him.

“Here are your Kixks” He said.

“Um sir, what are those?”

The man sighed. “Oh yes, now I remember! Were more advanced than you” The man smirked.

“Lay it of.” Warrick said.

“Yes, my lord.”

The man put strange things over their eyes.

“These will help you experience what were about to tell you.”

The devices were a sleek black color. They were pointed at the end, were like sunglasses, and for some reason it reminded him of X-Men.

“Centuries ago,” a voice boomed. “The world was uninhabited.”

A picture of a uninhabited earth showed on the screen. Orion could smell it! He could taste the sweet sap of a tree. It was amazing! Livie was talking too what seemed to be a large bug.

“Before cockroaches were on the earth, humungous bug were alive.” Livie was patting its shell.

“Ow.” She said, and kissed the bug’s shell.

“All better!” she said happily. She smiled.

“The world then went into shock as Cranage crashed into earth.”

Sudenly a large balll was falling from the sky!

“The sky is falling!” Thought Orion and ran for it!

Running faster than he thought he was capable of he grabbed Livie and Hope. “O-Ron you hurt yivie!” Livie wailed.

Orion just kept running. He ran and ran. The whole world shook. Orion couldn’t keep going. He fell to the ground. Panting in his own sweat he looked up.

The earth was normal!

The green grass, blue sky. Orion rolled onto his back. For a second he just soaked up all the warmth and forgot about everything, Mrs. Hundson, he was underground yet above ground, Hope and Livie.

“Hope and Livie! Where were they?” His mind raced.

He had let go then collapsed.

“Then human evolved, some came up here, the end.”

The world faded to black. He looked around. He was sitting on the floor. Hope and Livie were sitting laughing their heads off. Finally Orion got it.

He had been running, acting weird, and laying down, and soaking up the sun in an visual world.

“O-ron you funny!”

Orion laughed.

“I know.” He said.

Then he realized that Princess Lore was watching him. She shook her head and walked out of the room. Orion felt embarrassed suddenly.

“So anyway,” continued Warrick “That is how our worlds begun,

also that was the short explination due to time.”

Livie suddenly noticed something.

“Where is Click?” She asked.

“Here, I am, Here” A large bug that resembled a cockroach appeared. Livie made a series of clicking noises.

“What the?” Orion said.

“Its the vision!” a man at the conference table shouted.

The room was in chaos!

“Its her!” Its the one!” People screamed. “Were all doomed!”

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Nate
Review
Nate wrote a review · Mon Dec 14, 2009 2:13 am

Hey there JediRex! I haven't read the other chapters, but the story is interesting and I hope you continue it.

There are two things you need to work on. The first is spelling; there are a lot of words that are misspelled in this story. A simple spell-check would catch most of them.

The second is dialogue. Getting dialogue right can be a tricky task, but a good way to get it right is to read it aloud to yourself. Then ask, "Does this make sense?" With dialogue, you also need to spend more time describing the scene; that is, give context to the dialogue. Here's a good article on description that will help you:
topic33840.html

Good luck!



Mudwesterner
— BlueAfrica