Space.
The final frontier.
The eternally beckoning vacuum, destined for those who were discontented with their world.
For centuries, unattainable for all but the elite, the privileged, and the filthy rich.
The year is now 2185, and the commuting of space is now more attainable than ever, thanks to the scientific genius of Dr. Calvin A. Hobbes, and his prototype "Transmogrification" technology in the year 2022. Following the releasing of this revolutionary -yet extremely cheap- technology, almost 80% of the world's population immediately left the planet. Following the collapse of every nations governments, and almost every thinkable aspect, the remaining citizens of the Earth have banded together to fight the horrible mutants that resulted of the side effects of Transmogrification technology. The question on every remaining human's mind: where are the 80%, and why haven't ANY of them come back?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I bet the 80% are the mutants! Eeeehhh eeeeehhh eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhh?
Spoiler
Whoa. Very interesting start. I would love to see where this story will go. This paragraph itself is very intriguing. One thing I was to put out to you is that you seem to have some run-on sentences here. Aside from that, everything looks great. Let me know if you decide to continue this and if you need help with a title.
Great starter paragraph. I think that you should continue the story, because of the great intro. The main reason I like it is that it is the curiosity that the paragraph creates and makes you want to keep reading. I hope you post some more stories, cause you're a great short story writer.
I loved the first sentence. It drew me into thee story and I wanted to learn more. I liked the Star Trek relationship. I also liked the Calvin and Hobbes relationship. I hope you can write more short stories that relate to Calvin's spaceman spiff adventures, I think you would be great at that. I wondered about the ending, cause it left e hanging. It is a good ending sentence, but I think you could do better, due to the quality of writing the story was in.
Truth be told, there will be no Star Trek parallels, and the only reason I named him Calvin A. Hobbes was because smartdog90 requested a space story and his picture is Hobbes so I thought (Why not?)
But I'm very glad you like it so far, and I will continue this story in the future!
Hey, watch.
First, welcome to YWS. It's a great place where you will meet great people ( I'm not one of them) . I am glad to know that you like anime, or,at least have watched one and like it to the degree to make it your av. I think, if you have checked your notifs, you already know me. I'm really excited to talk to you and know more about you. Hope we can have long chats sometime. ( hurry up with the first 5 reviews)
I must say, you are very lucky. You have a great big family and a very lovely sister.
Now, let's come to business. Here's the review-
First, definitely,the title. There's nothing wrong with it. But it's tooo long. I think, you should try to make it smaller. It just doesn't feel good to read lengthy titles. Also, titles shouldn't "explain" the writing. It should "hint".
Then the theme. From what I'm getting, I think it's gonna be an interesting piece. I can sense a prediction of Philosophy.....
The beginning of the story is really good. I love it. The first three lines give a great flavor to the writing.
However-
Here's a punctuation problem. There shouldn't be " ; " , it should be "," , a comma. Otherwise, it doesn't make sense.
I think, there's no need of a punctuation. You can just write - "revolutionary yet extremely cheap technology". If you DO wanna use punctuation, I think comma will be more appropriate.
It's only my preference. This line and the one before it, both of them start with the same words. I think, you can bring a variation to the words. Then it would sound better.
That's all from me. It's a good beginning,like I've already said. Keep it on.
And, don't ever forget to love your family. No matter what.
Hello!
Today you have put before us a extremely palatable prologue of the most admirable and intriguing kind. It has spiked my interests in an extremely compelling way, for this commendable trait in your tale, I applaud you. Great job with your start here, I look forward to reading what else you have in store for us in the near future.
Spelling/Vocabulary: The wording is pretty interesting, and very grown up. I have seen a lot of well thought-out story lines, but when the author wrote it they used childish spelling that took away a certain element. I do not see any spelling errors, so good that.
Storyline:The idea for this story is quite interesting, and if you have the context
*does the quizzing 'context' clap*then it makes it all the more enjoyable. Again, I look forward to reading more in the future.Punctuation:
I feel like this first sentence would be more easily read as:
The coma after the word 'ever' just knocks of the flow of this.
My End Opinion: This was quite good, you have really taken the creative humor from the childhood favorite series, Calvin and Hobbes, and successfully remodeled it into an interesting work of literature that I cannot wait to see in the end.