:Jeanette:
I see my image painted on glass,
As I stand on each side of me,
And again there are two in front and back,
All exact yet different copies.
In back I stand as a young girl,
So innocent, naive and pure,
Unknowing of the trials that come from facing the world,
While the front is faded, grim, undecided and unsure.
Each side is opposite, yet connecting to only one,
Each image, each mind, each heart is different than where I stand,
Each one I can, if I wish, become,
Each mirrors' reflection can be the person I am.
But which one is really me?
And not designed by others' desires?
Which one can show me clearly,
And which one's are formed of not clear glass, but of others' dreams in wires?
As I make my decision one mirror I break,
And the other I stand to face,
I soon become the image this mirror makes,
And, passing through my mirror, I begin the maze.
At each choice in my life four mirrors appear,
Each reflecting a different change to apply,
And as I become one the others shatter and disappear,
I pass through my reflection, entering another path with mirrors on each side.
Though each mirror has a path,
Some only lead to dead ends,
And it's only when that happens that,
I have to break my mirror and begin again.
And though while adding to me is simple,
And brings me toward perfection,
Subtraction can be painful,
Spilt blood on a cracked reflection.
As I turn the corner, a choice there to meet,
And the mirrors appear on each side,
I see people behind the reflected me,
Changing me into who they decide.
In confusion I wonder how did they invade
This personal inner progress?
This is internal, this is my maze,
Their presence just adds stress.
Through life I will face many a mirror,
And many people controlling the reflection,
But with every choice my image is clearer,
And I will soon find the correct direction.
Because after-all there must be an exit,
In the inner Mirror Maze,
And I will search until I find it,
Patience is all it takes.
[Not the best, I'm aware, but I like it nonetheless.]
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Canary word: Present
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I really really like this.
Anyone can relate to it really because it seems to be about choices. ( unless i have got it totally wrong)
Each side is opposite, yet connecting to only one,
Each image, each mind, each heart is different than where I stand,
Each one I can, if I wish, become,
Each mirrors' reflection can be the person I am.
That is my favourite stanza.
It is truly brilliant.
Well done.
Hey Jeanette ^^ Shina here to do a review for you
I really liked the idea you were going for in this poem. But I have to agree with Jaz's comment about telling too much and not enough showing. It's a really interesting, beautiful idea, but it hasn't come to life yet. You need to use imagery, paint a picture, use words that will allow the reader to experience the story in your poem effortlessly.
I think you could've done without the forth stanza. It made things a bit confusing. A lot of parts in this poem were also redundant, so try not to repeat yourself too much. I don't think it needed to be as long as it was. Most of the last stanzas weren't necessary. You had the majority of your point made in the first three stanzas. The later stanzas also contained a lot of excess that the poem could do without. It explained too much, when it should've showed me more, and left the reader thinking about the meaning if the poem. Keep it mysterious. Don't reveal too much.
The last thing I would change is this part. Try:
Though each mirror is a path,
Some only lead to dead ends.
I think this metaphor paints a nicer image and is more what you were going for.
Keep writing ^^
-Shina
Hi,
I really enjoyed this. The opening line really drew me in. I'd change "each" to "either" as I think it fits the rhythm better.
I think the fourth stanza is a little rocky. I'd try reading it aloud so you can get a better sense of the sound-I think you're trying to cram too many words in.
The imagery in the fifth stanza was really great.
I think the sixth was too much telling and not enough showing, and I'm not sure that you really need it. I'd avoid twisting syntax in stanza nine as it sounds unnatural ("a choice there to meet".)
I'd cut stanza ten and eleven as it's just repetition and again too much telling.
I really liked the last stanza but I'd try for something more visual than "Patience is all it takes."
Hope this helps,
Jas