As this is my first work in some time, I expect quite a bit of healthy criticism to be heaped on my plate. This work is in tribute of Howl, by Allen Ginsberg. Howl was written in a captivating but oddly formatted way, and is considered one of the greatest poems of the 20th century. Updated and tweaked for more current issues (and some ones that are in the past, but still relevant), I hope this poem delivers on a similar level. If you have never read Howl, I would strongly suggest you do. Or at least read part of it before reading this. This poem is separated into numerical parts. I could never truly capture the whole of current issues in three parts, but I did highlight three issues I felt were important to me.
1
broken and bent
lost echoes of the classroom
submerged in red water on the horizon
hearts broken and minds wavered
the shots finalized and humanity cried
when children died
2
cries heard in the city
lights blazing, sirens wailing
in the streets, on the balconies
from the highest of heights
the mighty fell
lives lost, a new war waged
3
Hatred's despised caress
eternally terrible
a long-time enemy
lost, but found
the lingering remnants of the past brought forth
the cries in the streets
dragging and clawing at the temples
never thought to still exist
and it drags itself from a lie to embrace the truth
the worst of America still exists
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140,739 Literary Works • 673,684 Reviews
Hello, love! Aurora here with a quick review for you!
Alright. I didn't find any spelling errors, so let's move on, shall we?
the lingering remnants of the past brought forth
You already have 'the' at the beginning of the sentence. Why don't you change the second 'the' to 'a'? Just a suggestion
It would also be nice if you added an extra space between the last line and the second-to-last line
Hatred's despised caress
Instead of despised, you should consider changing it to 'sweet' or 'enchanting'. It a lot easier to hate someone than love them.
hearts broken and minds wavered
'wavered' just sounds odd. Maybe manipulated?
That's all. I like the theme of the poem and the way you build the mood.
Keep writing, love.
Aurora
Hi.
I like the way you introduced the inspiration behind the poem at the beginning. I'm not familiar with the work but I think this helps because I'm not comparing your work with it.
So the first thing I noticed about this work was that the use of capital letters was all over the place, but I assume that was deliberate? XD I dunnoes.
I didn't like the ending. It was bleak, bitter and didn't really explain itself. It just... ended.
I get the build up throughout the poem and that makes sense, but that's all kinda wasted when you get to the end. You've had some really beautiful description to get to it and I just found the ending you chose a bit of an easy way out.
This is some of the beautiful language (I think)
:
Keep writing.