I like this piece and want to see more. Yes, it was overly descriptive at one point but it was great at others. I agree with wolfgirl13 about suddenly. It's not that I hate the use of the word. It just sounds awkward there. I got confused with the two girls at the end and had to read the whole thing over. I don't know what it is about it, but I like your style. it's almost like a movie where I can really see it happening.

So hi I read this and I though wow. But I have one main problem. I hate the use of the word suddenly. I just can't stand that word. You have a great writing style and I am in love with your characters. I actually felt like I was there witnessing it all. But when you said

Suddenly, she heard a bush behind her rustle violently,

#FF0000 ">Her keen ears picked up on a slight sound, the bush behind her rustled violently,

Haha, I only described the gemstones that are worth mentioning, meaning the ones that actually are going to be relevant. However, I might take you up on the advice and add some more, just to equal thing out :]. Her body not being as tramatized is for a reason as well. Not a very important one, really, just that, yes, normally she would have a lot more trouble. But this isn't a normal crash, as it will be evident much much later :]. Thank you so much for the feedback, I really do take all of it in and listen to what everyone has to say. After all, I post so I can get advice . Oh, and yeah, I'm kind of a sappy romantic and I tend to let that drip onto the pages, regardless of genre. Or rather, onto the screen XD. Thanks again!

Well, you should add more gemstones then! There are more gemstones than those. And it'll be interesting to see what you do with that.

I think, with all the trauma done to her body, that she would probably not be moving as well as she is, even with the stimulus of the hot guy, lol. Obviously, I am not going to do an experiment to see how worn out she would be (that would be painful!) but you might tweak a little bit. Right now, their beginning scene together is a bit too reminiscent of bad romance novels I've read. XD

As far as the description being worded nicely? Sometimes it was, but other times, it almost seemed overly described. The descriptions of the guy, especially, are descriptions that seem more apt to soppy romance novels than with action and adventure novels. I don't know... with action and adventure novels, I think a quicker pace may be needed more than not.

Also, I have a feeling that they aren't actually part of the wreckage. The fact that there is a ship sinking is probably coincidental... a red herring, as it were.

Anyway! It'll be interesting to see how this develops, definitely.

Thank both of you for commenting! Snoink, yes, I do realize there is an over-emphasis on gemstone based coloring. However, this is for a specific reason which should become apparent after further reading. Also, the only real reason she was unable to move at the start was because of the trauma to her body. But hey, a little hot guy in the midst never hurt the nervous system getting started, eh? :]. The wreckage was in sight because it had literally happened minutes ago, and these select characters were lucky enough to wake almost right after the tragedy, and they assume that's why they are where they are because they actually can see it. And TEcho, I tend to ramble on when describing D: it's a flaw of mine haha. But I hope it was at least worded nicely. And with the man being attractive, I basically went on about that because she instantly feels connected to him, and therefore wants to look over the hot guy before her. Can't say I blame her . Thanks again for the advice and comments! Much appreciated!

-Jace

#0000BF ">Hey! I'm kinda new at this so work with me here haha. So i was reading your story and one thing that bothered me a little was that you were overly descriptive about things the audience didn't necessarily need to know. And at the end it kinda confused me, where did the young girl come from? And everything is moving a little fast it seems. Also the way you place your commas and your wording, i have to read it twice to get the meaning of it. Like in the beginning where you said you took note of the mans looks? That part frazzled me for a second. But all together it was really good! keep up the fawsome work!

Hi Jace!

So, I read your story and it's a bit interesting. I am unsure of why you used as many adjectives you did, or why you were particularly interested in gemstones. Really. Like, every other thing you described was a gemstone. Amethysts, emeralds, sapphires... it's a bit strange. Why the emphasis on gemstones?

Also, she can barely move at the beginning of the story, but as soon as she sees the hot guy, she's suddenly able to do everything? Um. It's a bit strange. Why does this happen, or does she get so sexed up that suddenly everything is possible? I mean, technically, it can happen, since the body's responses to sex are rather strange and whatever, but... well... it seems a bit odd.

Also, your descriptions of the two women are very confusing at the end. The young girl? How young is young? Is she seven or something like that? How come she is described as young?

Also, the ship burning in flames and whatever? It seems kind of unlikely that they wake up to see that. More than likely, the ship would probably have sunk by then, or just be a smouldering wreckage. Or something. It doesn't quite jive that they just coincidentally see the ship on fire or whatever. Also, how do they know that they were on that ship?

As far as this story goes, it seems a lot like Lost. Or maybe that's just my impression of Lost, that is. I don't know.

See if you can make your characters a little more interesting... and the way you can do that is introduce a flaw. The attractive man is perfect, the young girl magically is healed within seconds of seeing the attractive man, and the blond woman has broken nails. Okay. Expand on this.

Good luck with your story!