These Are Places

Great. Message.
I connect on a personal level to this poem and you've done a great job of using description to convey your feelings about these 'places'.

At first I wasn't too keen about the flow of this free-verse poem, but I realized it was mostly just in the first two or three lines. Either reword this or break it up differently if you feel like the rhythm is kind of rocky there, like I do.
Just a preference thing.

I don't have much else to say. I think my reviews are slowly deteriorating tonight xD
It's been a long, sickly day for me.

I hope this helped anyway! You're a really great poet and I see you haven't even written much poetry on here. Truly impressed:)

In the spirit of Review Day on behalf of the Firebolts (for the last few minutes to countdown!)
~iron.n
I revise not as a judge, but as a fellow writer eligible for judgment on the same level.

Hi there,

Well I'll say this, you were quick and to the point. I like the picture you painted, with both good and bad. As well you created a good rhythm, but the spacing of lines feels crowded and like your breaks were placed without much thought upon reading.

I would like to point out my favorite line that speaks the most to me, "empty bottles named jack and thoughts." The line struck me and made an impact. Keep up the writing, you really know how to paint a good picture with words.

Hey!

Wow, this was beautiful. I'll review for you.

First of all, as I read this, the main thing I, as the reader, immediately came to love is the consistency and simplicity of the theme within your poem. Beginning and ending with the phrase, "These are places..." really strengthens your poem as well. In general, I think the emotions conveyed by the text were dark, but thought-provoking nonetheless. The idea that in every place, somebody has experienced solace; somebody has a sorrowful memory in which that place has been emblazoned in their minds. This is more of a dark and cryptic theme than a happy one, but I really enjoyed reading it.

Overall, I actually think that your spacing and punctuation choices created a desperate tone. As the poem went on, the tone turned sort of heavy and hopeless. I think that this was maybe because you used more punctuation? I don't know, but don't change it. I think it adds a special effect to the story you were telling.

I can't criticize you too much on this work. I didn't notice any spelling or grammar errors. However there is a place that's quite confusing: "socks with holes like those. Pangs hunger and haste..." I think maybe changing it to something along the lines of

"socks with holes as empty as
hunger pangs and haste..."

would make it flow a little better.

Otherwise, I think you did really well. I liked that last part the best:

"These are places with
empty bottles named Jack and thoughts
too blurred to care about the difference
made."

It made the poem more personal, and using the name leaves the reader not knowing who "Jack" is. This illustrates the fact that everyone has their own story. It was perfect.

Awesome job. I hope to read more from you in the future.

Yours,
Savvy