Danny Buckett and the Waiting Chamber - Chapter 1 excerpt

PreviousNext

In Puckett House, Snukkett street, Danny Buckett lay restless in his bed: a boy considered by many around him to be so extraordinarily ordinary with his stark black, short-back-and-sides-and-messy-on-top haircut, his paler-than-white skin and his perfectly-proportionate nose, that something mildly sporadic or out of the blue happening to him was out of the question.

Except that is not true at all.

As with many things, there is a simple reason why the social workers at Puckett House, the orphanage in which Danny lived, insisted upon the fact that he was ‘as bland as a cauliflower’. It was because they were obliged to: an orphan child had clearly been through enough trauma in his or her lifetime to feel in any way special or different; any opportunity to reject this principal was strictly forbidden for the staff at Puckett House.

Danny was abnormally normal, according to those around him. This notion had been urged upon him, therefore making it so, since the age of six - the very same day his father passed in a car accident Danny knew shockingly little about. Subsequently, he found himself in Puckett House Orphanage, an architecturally mind-boggling construction overrun with spiders and dust mites in equal measure, a house sat atop a high hill with British countryside surrounding, countryside which would endure on three-hundred days of the year a downpour of rain.

The transition from his sizable, pleasant family home to the House had been far from seamless, although it was undeniable that the staff of the orphanage had tried their best to comfort him. They did not succeed, of course, but you can’t ask for everything.

As Danny lay in his bed, now at the age of fourteen, he recounted these events (he was long past the point of trying to get any sleep), and remembered the scale of pain he felt when his father passed. It was the type of pain that would leave a permanent scar. For the six short years they had together, Samuel and his son shared an inseparable bond; he and Danny would spend most, bordering on all, of their free time in each other’s company - partly due to the fact that there was just the two of them left (Danny’s mother passed giving birth to him), but more so down to the natural friendship they shared. Their inseparable bond was broken only when death interfered, and it hurt.

But that was not what was tampering with Danny’s sleep pattern tonight. Yes, his mind was racing, but no, it wasn’t down to mental images of his deceased parents, the countless spiderwebs looming above him, or the worryingly weak floorboards beneath - he was used to those things. However, there was one thing he could not get used to: the prospect of his birthday.

It was trivial, when he thought about it, to be this rattled by something so fatuous. Although Danny didn’t consider himself particularly superstitious, he couldn’t ignore a trend - every year, on his birthday, for as long as his mind would allow him to remember, some unusual incident had happened to him. Naturally, they weren’t outrageously odd, but curious nonetheless. He shuddered as he thought about last year, when he woke up in the middle of the town’s high street to be pointed at and muttered about by several passers by. He could’ve sworn a child even prodded him like a zoo animal as he lay there. On his seventh birthday, the roof caved in at the dinner table (luckily everybody walked away unscathed), at the age of nine he found himself halfway through climbing out of his window for no apparent reason. These were incidents which surely had valid explanations behind them, yet still, they were significant enough to cause concern.

Tomorrow, he would do what he did when he needed solitude, or a distraction: trek down to the nearby forest with his old notepad and sketch something of his choosing - he had a proclivity for art and the natural world enthralled him.

He turned and turned again so many times in his bumpy excuse for a bed that dizziness ensued, and was eventually able to find a position where his body was not crippled by springs digging into his back. Danny would have much preferred to sleep on the floor - it was probably comfier, but that wasn’t an option. The rusty nails used in the poor construction of the building would no doubt impale him - a prospect Danny didn’t really fancy, to say the least.

All this exercise will make me tired, he told himself resolutely - what he previously believed to be a comfortable position was no good as it cut off the circulation in his arm. All the shuffling had made him tired, he was right, as soon after this thought he managed to find a tolerable place in which he could drift off.

Feelings of tomorrow which had been lingering tauntingly at the back of his mind eventually grew tired and drifted away for the night, allowing Danny to welcome his slumber. 

He had reassured himself that nothing too dangerous would happen the next day - after all, if you tell yourself something enough times, you eventually believe it. This, after all, was the only way he’d be able to get any sleep - but what he didn’t yet realise was that, to this ordinary boy, something extraordinary would occur.

------------------------------------

Thank you in advance for reviewing!

Comments & reviews · 2
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
crossroads
Review

Hello!
Me again, and again happy to have checked if this is about the same Danny Buckett.

I finally got to find out what he looks like. Well, not quite, but still, I can imagine him at last..
Once again, I enjoyed reading your work. You have some very nice imagery here, descriptions and use of words. I really like your writing style, and it flows pretty nicely.

I can't, however, escape the thought of Harry Potter as I read through this. Perhaps it's the writing style that reminds me of it (though I never read Harry Potter in English), or maybe that strange "coincidence" with his birthdays, or maybe the car crash and as much as I know about his appearance. I may be wrong, though, and the only reason why I get that vibe might be the fact that reading this piece of yours gives me similar feelings as when reading J.K.Rowling's novels. Which, well, I guess should be a good thing, unless you're forcing it to make it similar - in which case, stop right now.

I'm not a native English speaker, but I can't not notice one thing.. The word "lay" - if it's in present tense, it should be, I believe, "lies", seeing that Danny is third person singular.

Other than that, I can't find anything but good things. I would still, though, like to know more of Danny's appearance, I can't help it - and does he make any friends there, does he interact with anyone?
The descriptions are getting better and better as I read on, and I truly enjoy your style, so do keep me posted of new things you submit, will you?

EDIT: I now read your reply to the first review on this piece, and I can tell that makes some things clearer - the use of retrospective in this one, say, and the different titles. I believe you can freely use both of the ideas, they fit nicely one after the other, in my opinion.

Cheers, and keep up the great work with this!
Aria~

haha! No intention for the JK Rowling similarity - I suppose I'll take it as a compliment! As you may have figured out, this is an earlier draft of the two pieces regarding Danny Buckett that you've already looked at. It's great to see such a keen interest in my work, so thanks!

Do take it as a compliment, and I'm glad to hear it wasn't intentional, haha.. And yes, thanks for clearing that up for me - I stand by what I said, though, all the three parts I've seen so far could work together with some small adaptations :p

I do hope there will be more *glares at you*

Howdy-ho!

Allow me to blast you away with a review. First thing I noticed once I got hooked to this is that you have a great vocabulary. Just thought I'd throw that in there for good measure. Secondly, the humoristicly (probably not even a word) aloof style you've adapted for this text is great. Sometimes you see people who will attempt this style and it just seems forced and totally unfunny. You pulled it off well, making it sound natural. Cheer to that.

Subject matter next, I guess. Though this is far from a completely unique subject, an ordinary boy with something extraordinary about to happen to him (<-- a pointer to the last line, which I liked greatly ;) ), your style is completely unique and I believe it will be the driving force of this telling. The last line has me wanting to know what's gonna happen next and the fact that your style is so smooth and rolls-off-the-tongue, I enjoy the notion of finding out more just that much.

Your grammar is on par with your vocabulary (these two do usually walk hand-in-hand anyway), and I found only a couple of hiccups, which are as follows.

"...a house sat atop a high hill with British countryside surrounding, countryside which would endure on three-hundred days of the year a downpour of rain."

By the house, I believe you mean the orphanage, but it is unclear. 'A house' just popping out of nowhere after describing an architectually mind-boggling wonder makes me think there's two houses. I got it after reading it twice and referring back to Pucket House, but it hitches up the flow. The second part of this (the enduring countryside one) wrecks the flow too. Wording it this way around does make it sound clever in a sense, but mostly, for me at least, it screws with the smoothness. I'd switch it around to the quote-unquote normal way.

"For the six short years they had had together, Samuel and his son had shared an inseparable bond"

I'm thinking this is filed under 'personal problems', but it might be actual rules too, who knows. I'd put in the extra had's, because your story is past tense already and this happened before the story itself, thus (at least in my mind) requiring an even further past tense. ...If that makes any sense. :D

Aaand in the very last paragraph you've used the phrase 'after all' twice too close to one another other for my liking. Cut one or the other and replace it with something similar.
------

That's all I could find. To sum things up: mind informing me when you post further chapters? I'll try to give you my two cents for future installations of this novel, if I'm online, that is. Keep writing.

Your's truly,
|Life|

Thank you so much for your review! I'm terribly sorry to reply so late - I think I had some problems with the site's notification system! I've taken your suggestions on board! The second draft of the novel opening has been posted already (search for "a breath on glass" or visit my profile), and I'm about to submit the next chunk of the novel. I'd love you to check it out, and, again, thank you for reviewing. :)



I don't have much knowledge about marsupials.
— ForeverYoung