Hi, JEAN_447! I'm don't know Filipino, so I apologize in advance if any of my review misinterprets the actual content of your fanfiction. Google Translate isn't the best at translating works. But I'm a big fan of fanfiction and saw this was the first work you posted on YWS, so I really wanted to try my hand at reviewing it anyways. <3
Before I translated the fic, I did notice something about your dialogue. I'm not sure if this is a difference between English and Filipino, but dialogue usually isn't in bold. If that's a stylistic choice you love, go for it! Fanfiction is a great place to explore new styles of writing. But the quotation marks before and after a piece of dialogue already indicates that something is being spoken to the reader, so you don't need to worry about drawing their attention to it.
Now onto the actual story!
Since I was relying on Google Translate to read your fic, I'll skip over discussing word choice - Google Translate doesn't always perfectly translate the words, so I'm not sure that part of my review would be all that helpful. Instead, I'll focus on the plot.
From what I read so far, it looks like Y/N was dating Zild, a member of a famous band. Y/N and Zild broke up because they kept getting into arguments. But because Y/N hasn't told anyone that they broke up, she now has to deal with her family inviting Zild over. I admittedly don't read band fanfictions or Y/N fanfictions all that much, so I'm not entirely sure how common this plot is. But from the little I do know about those kinds of fics, this seems like it has a unique (pun not intended) plot! The story usually starts before the characters are dating, rather than after they've broken up. I don't know anything about the IV of Spades band Zild is a part of, but I can't help but wonder if Y/N and Zild are going to get back together - or if Y/N is going to end up with someone else in the band.
I also like how mundane this first chapter was. Even though the Y/N is presumably important because of who she dated, this first chapter shows a relatively normal life: a cat (who I desperately want to hear more about), a younger sister, parents, and a daily routine that involves getting ready and going shopping. We've only just been introduced to Y/N, but I already feel like I've gotten a good grasp on her personality.
Critiques-wise, I noticed you switched between Filipino and English throughout the fic. If that's considered normal in Filipino culture, please ignore this comment - I just thought it would be good to bring it up. It was a little jarring seeing the switch from Filipino to English when I was scanning this work before putting it in Google Translate, so it might be a good idea to stick to one language in the work.
(If you want to use both English and Filipino, you can always post it first in Filipino and then in English with some kind of line break to separate the two sections! That might also help non-Filipino speakers on YWS read and review your work; YWS has mostly English speakers on it.)
I also noticed you had a perspective shift in the middle of the chapter. Shifting points of view is a great way to build up suspense, but I think that the cliffhanger at the end of this chapter would have a stronger impact if you wait to shift perspectives until after the coffee spills onto Y/N's shirt. Nothing is really lost if you remove the mysterious someone's perspective from the middle of this chapter; the reader can still get the bigger picture of Y/N bumping into someone while she's running errands. By removing that perspective - which hints at the someone being part of a band - you're able to give the reader even less to work with when Y/N trails off about who she saw.
If you really want to write from that second character's perspective, you can start off the second chapter with it and give the reader a quick summary of what happened through that someone's eyes - how they were shopping for food for their band, how they bumped into Y/N and what their reaction was when they saw it was Y/N. It also gives you the perfect opportunity to describe Y/N from an outsider's perspective.
(Sticking to one perspective per chapter is also a way to avoid turning off the reader. Suddenly switching between perspectives can be jarring and confusing, so it's good to either make the transition clear-cut or just stick to switching perspectives at the start of a new chapter!)
I wish I knew Filipino so I could give a more helpful review, but hopefully some of what I said helps you revise this chapter and gives you some ideas for your next chapter! Let me know if you have any questions about anything in my review. 
Points: 121
Reviews: 588
Donate