The notes you never got

(1 year ago)

We spent one last night under the stars. He held me close, not knowing that it might be the last time he held me in his arms. I lifted my head off his shoulder and pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek, then I got up, walked away, and never looked back.

(The Present)

“How are you?” Asked Liz over the phone, “I’m okay, don’t worry about me”, I said softly, praying for her to believe me. Liz let out a soft sigh and let it drop. 

Just after I hung up the phone, my mum walked into my bedroom asking if I wanted to go get ice cream. I looked up from my phone and shook my head slightly. My mum came and sat on the corner of my bed. “What’s going on with you, Kat? You have been staying in your room more lately. If something is going on, you can tell me; you know that, right?” My mum asked carefully. I put on a small smile and told her that nothing was going on, that I was just tired today, and that I was sorry. As my Mum stood up and smiled. “Maybe tomorrow?” She asked hopefully, "Maybe," I replied with the same small smile. Right when I heard the door close, I let the smile drop off my face as I pulled my knees to my chest and let out a small sigh. After about 10 minutes, I came up with an idea, so I rolled over and opened the drawer next to my bed and pulled out a pen and paper. I slammed the drawer and clicked the pen open as I let the pen hover over the paper. I thought about what I should write. I thought about writing about him or writing about my mum or even my best friend Liz, after about 5 minutes of thinking, I decided on writing about my life.

2/9/2012

Hi im kat but you know that already because your me i dont really know why im writing this i think its just because im hoping it makes this numbness go away i dont know whats wrong with me anymore but i hate it i hate feeling like nothing whenever somebody asks me to do something because i always say no because i feel to tired plus my friends just worry and worry since the breakup with Noah so now it’s not vene fun to hangout with them anyways because if i let my stupid fake smile drop they start questioning me and asking if im okay and if they can help me in any way and im sick of people thinking im broken without him, people dont really get why noahand i broke up and stopped talking but its okay if people dont understand because they dont need to know my reasons and why I left him they dont need to know what he has done… anyways i didn’t start writing this so future me could fall back into this hazey life that i hate so so much so i guess whatevre this whole writing thing was stupid anyway but i might make more anyways because they make me feel better about everything.

Kat out  

After I finished writing, I folded the paper carefully and put it in the drawer next to my bed alongside the pen, and looked at the clock to see that the time was 9:37. Then I lay down and looked at the star stickers on my bedroom ceiling. I noticed for the first time that they emitted a soft green glow, but it was only noticeable if you looked carefully. As I lay on my back, I think about everything and nothing at the same time. As I let my brain wander, I notice myself thinking about Noah again, his smile, and how cute he was when he laughed, how he would tilt his head when he looked into my eyes. He looked so boyish yet so grown up at the same time. As I think about him I feel a tear sliding down my cheek and i start to relize how much I miss him, i know I made the right choice I think to myself while wiping away the stray tear.