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Chapter 2 Mayday Mayday

by Irishpride13


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

"Captain, the enemy ships has a missile lock! Incoming, ETA twenty seconds!" the co-pilot shouted.

Captain Hunter's eyes scanned the controls swiftly: forward guns H2 depleted, Conventional ammo depleted, rocket pods empty, chaff depleted, and countermeasures expended. With no viable defensive actions left, James did the only thing he could. He engaged the PA system.

"All hands, brace for impact!" he commanded, his voice echoing throughout the ship. The crew members, already on high alert, hastened to secure themselves and any loose equipment. The tension in the air was palpable, as everyone on board waited for the inevitable.

The missiles honed in on the light cruiser, the U.S.S. Maxwell. The twin projectiles struck the port side near the deck, resulting in a catastrophic explosion that ripped through the ship's hull. Debris scattered in all directions in the weightlessness of space, and emergency alerts echoed throughout the cruiser. Bulkheads sealed off damaged sections, and emergency lights flickered on as crew members scrambled to contain the breach and attend to the injured. The once-mighty U.S.S. Maxwell was now critically damaged, drifting in the vast expanse of the cosmos.

Captain Hunter tried to refocus his vision as the alarm blared around him. The metallic taste of blood filled his mouth, and he spat some out, leaving a weightless droplet floating by his face. Using the armrests, he managed to push himself back into the seat. "Ricardo," he murmured, grimacing from the pain.

Ricardo, despite the blood smeared on his own uniform, quickly rattled off the situation, "Engines at 30%, plasma is venting. Decks 1 through 3 have been breached. We're still gathering casualty reports, but it doesn't look good. Without the ability to jump, that gravity well is going to pull us in. Two enemy frigates are closing in fast. Captain, I strongly advise we abandon ship."

Captain Hunter, aware of the dire situation, took a deep breath. "Signal the crew to evacuate the U.S.S. Maxwell immediately. Make sure everyone gets to the escape pods. We'll regroup at our designated rendezvous point on the planet."

Meeting Ricardo's intense gaze, he affirmed, "The Maxwell has been our fortress in the stars, but at the end of the day, it's metal and circuits. It's the crew, our family, that matters."

Ricardo's voice, filled with a mixture of pain and resolve, retorted, "You don't think I get that? But there must be another route! Haven't we faced down darker storms?"

Steadily, Captain Hunter replied, "We have, but now, I need to ensure the storm doesn't swallow the rest. Buying time for our crew might mean confronting those frigates head-on."

Ricardo's frustration was palpable as he said, "You might be the Captain, James, but you're also family!"

A heavy pause ensued. Eventually, James said softly, "That's why you need to shepherd them out. They'll rely on you, Ricardo."

With a catch in his voice, Ricardo pressed, "Swear to me you'll make it to an escape pod."

With solemnity, James nodded, "I swear."

Ricardo, consumed by emotion, hastened to supervise the crew's exit.

Navigating to the ship's communications hub, James initiated a broadcast: “This is Captain James Michael Hunter of the United Earth Navy. I'm offering my surrender to spare my crew. Our reactor's integrity is compromised, leaving us with limited choices."

After a tense wait, an unemotional voice responded, "Captain Hunter, your notoriety isn't lost on us. Detail your conditions."

Taking a moment, James stated, "End the attack. Allow my crew safe egress from the ship. I'll stay on board to ensure our non-hostility."

Suspicion tinged the voice as it inquired, "You'd sacrifice your vessel for your crew? How do I trust this isn't deception?"

Resolute, James countered, "On my honor as a United Earth Navy officer, I give you my word."

The line was silent momentarily before the final confirmation came through, "Agreed, Captain. Begin your evacuation process. Upon verification of your crew's safety, we'll approach."

James, relief flooding him, replied, "Acknowledged."

As communications were cut, the weight of his choices bore down on him. Pushing aside introspection, he busied himself with the evacuation, praying for his crew's safety.

James settled into the captain's chair, his eyes fixed on the visual feed of the escape pods launching. Out of 120 souls, 40% casualties - a grim tally he would carry with him. Trading himself as a valuable hostage, a captain of the United Earth Navy, seemed a justifiable exchange for giving the remaining crew a fighting chance.

He observed the final escape pod disappear into the vast expanse of space, a small blip amongst the stars. The ship's dwindling system diagnostics confirmed what he already knew: he was the sole soul left on the U.S.S. Maxwell.

Bracing himself, James hesitantly pulled up the system status that he had been dreading. The glaring red alert was unmissable: "Engine Meltdown Imminent." A heavy sigh escaped him. The weight of the situation, and the choices he'd made, pressed upon his shoulders.

James sprinted to the communication station, urgency evident in every movement. Tossing standard protocol aside, he urgently broadcasted, "All vessels, stand fast! The Maxwell's engines are critical! Evacuate the proximity!"

The countdown timer flashed a chilling 30 seconds. His heart raced as he made a mad dash to the ship's final escape pod. In his haste, he failed to properly secure himself. As he hit the launch button, the pod's thrusters roared to life, catapulting him directly into the unforgiving void of space. The immense gravitational force exerted on his unprotected body was overwhelming, causing his vision to blur as the pod was inexorably drawn into the nearby planet's gravitational pull.

His mind raced. The thought foremost in his consciousness as darkness crept in was a desperate hope: "Please let the pod's shielding withstand re-entry..." As the edges of his vision darkened, the brilliant flash of Maxwell's detonation illuminated the cosmos behind him.

Within the ship, as the reactor's protective shielding disintegrated, the volatile plasma within began to vent uncontrollably. The moment it made contact with the delicate jump drive, a cataclysmic reaction ensued. First, an implosion, as if the universe itself was gasping, followed by an explosion of immense magnitude that hurled ship fragments and debris in all directions, a testament to the ship's final stand.

Part 2

Ricardo's escape pod thudded into the unfamiliar terrain with a jolt, the impact dampened by its shock absorbers. As the pod's hatch hissed open, the stale scent of an alien atmosphere wafted in. The crew members from the Maxwell began to gather, forming a makeshift assembly at their designated landing zone, which they quickly dubbed "LZ Maxwell" in honor of their fallen ship.

Ricardo staggered out of his escape pod, the unfamiliar ground beneath him still settling from the impact. The foreign sky overhead was a breathtaking canvas of purples and oranges, and at first, one sun appeared very much like Earth's, warm and familiar. But as he continued to watch, a second, even brighter sun erupted into view, momentarily eclipsing the other.

The blinding flash from this sun brought with it a sick realization. The intense burst of light was far too reminiscent of an engine going critical, and Ricardo’s heart raced as he put the pieces together. The Maxwell – the ship he’d called home, the ship under Captain James Hunter’s command – might have just been obliterated.

The weight of it all brought him to his knees, the alien soil cool beneath his palms. Memories flooded his mind, moments shared with James during their long years of service together. He recalled their first mission, the adrenaline-pumping excitement of their victories, and the somber moments when they had lost comrades. James had always been the steady hand on the helm, the one who kept their spirits high in the darkest of times. Ricardo couldn't bear the thought of losing him.

As Ricardo knelt there, lost in his thoughts and the overwhelming sadness of the situation, he felt the supportive presence of his crewmates around him. They too were grappling with the uncertainty of their circumstances. The camaraderie they had forged over the years was their anchor in this alien world, and together, they would find a way to survive and persevere.

Suddenly, movement in the sky caught Ricardo's attention. High above, a tiny silhouette was hurtling towards the planet's surface. An escape pod. The very sight of it reignited hope within him.

Ricardo found himself holding his breath, every fiber of his being willing it to be James inside that pod. The descent was rapid, the pod's trajectory aiming it not far from their landing zone.

The murmurs of the crew around him grew louder, each one watching the pod's descent with bated breath. As it neared, the familiar markings of a Captain's pod became evident, and hope surged stronger than ever.

Ricardo whispered to the sky, a silent plea, "Let it be James."


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Sat Dec 30, 2023 12:13 pm
PKMichelle wrote a review...



Hello friend!
Happy Review Day! I saw your work had been waiting in the Green Room for a while and figured I’d check it out.


Per my interpretation, this was a wonderful chapter! It was incredibly action-packed and really dragged you into everything that was going on.

The captain and his crew are being forced to abandon their ship and their home, but the captain, James, cannot leave until everyone is safe. This decision on his end leads him very close to death and causes those around him to panic.

This was an incredible plot, and it was set up really nicely!


If I could offer any sort of advice, it would be a small grammar thing in the opening sentence. You said,

"Captain, the enemy ships has a missile lock! Incoming, ETA twenty seconds!" the co-pilot shouted.


But "has" in this context doesn't make much sense. Because "enemy ships" is plural, you would use "have" to match that, so that it would look more like this:

"Captain, the enemy ships have a missile lock! Incoming, ETA twenty seconds!" the co-pilot shouted.


But, obviously, this is just a suggestion, and it's always up to the writer, so please take this criticism lightly and know that I mean nothing negative by it—only trying to provide a somewhat useful critique.


If I had to pick my favorite part, there would be a few! There were a lot of really good things in here that I think are worth mentioning!

The first thing I really liked kind of contradicted my critique, but I thought the opening sentence was perfect! You said,

"Captain, the enemy ships have a missile lock! Incoming, ETA twenty seconds!" the co-pilot shouted.


It immediately sets the chapter up to go in a very action-packed direction, which is exactly what you want from an action novel! It also does a great job managing expectations and showing us what might happen in the chapter, which is always really nice as a reader!

The second thing that I really enjoyed was the amount of jargon you used in this. Throughout the chapter, you said things like:

Decks 1 through 3 have been breached. We're still gathering casualty reports, but it doesn't look good.


AND...

Navigating to the ship's communications hub, James initiated a broadcast: “This is Captain James Michael Hunter of the United Earth Navy. I'm offering my surrender to spare my crew. Our reactor's integrity is compromised, leaving us with limited choices."


Jargon always makes a story more relatable and understandable, especially if it's used properly, which it seems to be here. It makes the writer seem like they actually know what they're talking about and adds an element of trust to the writing, so kudos to you for using jargon so well!

The final thing that I really liked was the last sentence of this chapter when you said,

Ricardo whispered to the sky, a silent plea, "Let it be James."


I feel like this does a really amazing job highlighting how important James was to everyone and how desperate they all were to see him. It also showed a lot of emotion from Ricardo, and emotion is always a nice touch in stories like this!

This was a great chapter with a lot of great things, but there were just a few that I really enjoyed!


Overall, this was awesome! I loved how action-packed this was and how quickly it dove into everything! This was an amazing chapter and that definitely makes me excited for the next one!

Thank you for taking the time to write and post this, and I hope this review is of some use to you!


Goodbye for now! I hope you have a magnificent day (or night) wherever you are!




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Wed Nov 08, 2023 12:20 am
Wors6ip wrote a review...



Hello again! I'm back again for another review.

The missiles honed in on the light cruiser, the U.S.S. Maxwell. The twin projectiles struck the port side near the deck, resulting in a catastrophic explosion that ripped through the ship's hull. Debris scattered in all directions in the weightlessness of space, and emergency alerts echoed throughout the cruiser. Bulkheads sealed off damaged sections, and emergency lights flickered on as crew members scrambled to contain the breach and attend to the injured. The once-mighty U.S.S. Maxwell was now critically damaged, drifting in the vast expanse of the cosmos.

I am absolutely in love with this paragraph. It does such a wonderful job of detailing the situation our characters are in, and it all happening in space makes it so much more terrifying. It's one thing to be attacked on a plane on Earth, because for one, there's gravity, and most people would have the luxury of parachutes. In space, though, there's nothing. Utterly terrifying. Wonderful work setting up the tension.

Your writing of James is amazing as his actions tell us everything we need to know. He's a brave, selfless character, the best qualified person to be a captain. It's an excellent example of show, don't tell. Him and Ricardo's character building in this chapter is great and I love how you showcased their bond here. In the last chapter, it was stated and made obvious to the reader, but this goes deeper and shows us scenarios where that bond was in action. It makes James' grief even stronger.

The cliffhanger at the end has me eagerly waiting for the next chapter. I know it's most likely going to be James, but I'm curious to see the repercussions of his actions. He certainly did not surrender himself to the attackers, which I feel would put his crew in even more danger if they find out. There's lots of routes you can go with what happens to the crew and specifically Ricardo, since we know he passed away.

Happy writing!





Excuse me I have never *lied* about a character I just don't tell the truth
— AceassinOfTheMoon