Beat me up
Push me down
After all,
Yours is the crown
Hold me close
Diamond joy
After all,
I'm just your toy
Spitting up the formula for grief and malice
Spilling it within the brim of my encrusted chalice
Every gem is rotting down beyond its twinkling core
The gold and silver malady shall lend itself no more
Raise me high
Watch me fall
After all,
I ignored your call
Pierce my arms
Kiss some more
After all,
This love is war
Kicking in the door that used to hide my freedom
Any enemy before me? Well, I'll beat 'em
I'd forgotten how to wander, Bathed in sunlight
Is my countanence, a boiling star held next to midnight
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This was awesome!!!!!! I loved the rhyming and the rhythm and the beat and the feel. It was all perfectly timed and the format is amazing. I haven't read many poems set up like this but when I find them I love them! Great work! I can't wait to read more. The end did lose some of the power but fortunately it kept the mood and stayed focussed on the topic. I also loved the title. It's part of the reason why I clicked on it. Though, I haven't discovered how the title connected with the poem yet.
Happy writing!
Interesting. A story without being a story. I have to say i very much enjoyed it, and it did tweak a few brain cells in there. Your talent for rhyming and still getting the emotion of the poem (man, I wish I could do that) is phenomenal. I suppose its all about balance, and the balance between light and dark, despair and hope in this poem was perfectly pitched. Well done.
Thank you very much!
Hello my friend! Wow! This poem is superbolous! This alone made me want to go ahead and push the "follow" button and not much makes me want to! I love the rhythm that I could feel by just reading in my head! The rhyming was superb! I can't wait to read more! Keep up the good work!
Wow. Wow. Wow.
This is AMAZING. I love it, I love it!
Your rhythm, for me, is just fine, I really like how you've made this rhyme successfully, I always find rhyming poems hard to write (well, any poem actually.) so you've done a great job here!
I think you could possibly break up the last line a bit more, just to add some more... power? I'm not sure, I'm definitely not the most qualified person for critiquing poetry!
OVERALL, AWESOME poem. Seriously, keep writing, I can't wait to see what else you load up!
-CFG