I will provide.
Do not be afraid,
For if you fear the deathly cold,
I will take the sharpest knife
And skin my very self,
Peeling and ripping,
Sewing and mending,
So you may have a coat
To keep you from the cold.
--I will provide.
For if you fear the dark of night,
I will saturate my skin and clothes
With blazing liquid flame,
Charring and searing,
Blinding and bright,
And go before you on your journey
To light the path ahead.
--I will provide.
For if you fear a death by hunger,
I will offer up my living flesh,
For your forward being,
Slicing and hacking,
Wailing and gnashing,
Serving my limbs on plates of gold,
To sustain your earthly vessel.
--I will provide.
For if you fear the clutch of hate,
I will give for you my only life,
To a death of blood and nails,
Whipping and taunting,
Bleeding and dying,
Drawing in my final breath,
To protect you from its grasp.
--I will provide.
--Because I love you.
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138,257 Literary Works • 672,091 Reviews
This was really sweet! Also it was an easy read and very easy to follow. The only thing that stood out to me was at this part:
it seemed to have one or two more lines than the rest and maybe it's my OCD but it really did stand out. Other than that, this was absolutely outstanding! Keep writing! BRAVO
Quite a solid piece. Usually stories of this ilk are overly emotional, bitchy, manipulative in emotion and feature little depth, but aside the vibrant imagery you use mixed with touches of emotion both slightly unhinged and adoringly true you manage to make a very unique read for me.
The clean, stylistic line flow very well and you kept the constant rhythm flowing quite well, something I almost never see on lyrical or dramtic poetry pieces.
All in all a solid read.
Well done
I enjoyed reading this but now im kinda scared not to be scared,but i like the way its put and set.
Well hi there! Usually I'd have a nitpick quote here, but this was very clean. I'll give you my impressions first.
Well, this is certainly shocking to read! Usually you think of love as little hearts and bubbles and cuddly things. Not... ripping your skin off to give your lover a coat when they need it.
I like it.
This is so...different! It's not just love, it's complete undying obsession. It's passion and rage and pain. You're not just going for the old "I would die for you" line- you're going to burn yourself to death to light the way for your love.
So, as I've been raving, this is just so unique. It's my kind of love poem- I despise flowery descriptions. You put it out there and say it, word for bloody word.
Thing to watch:
Don't be too repetitive. You say the words "you" and "my" a lot. All this first person will turn this into a rant if you're not careful. Also, you begin most of the stanzas with the word "For". This is a little bit of an odd start; plus it makes them incomplete sentences.
Overall, wonderful job. Keep writing!
-Tori
wow, self-mutilation to save another person. Very clever and very well written. It's a little like the kind of stuff that I write about. I look forward to reading more of your work. Good Job..keep up the good work.
Hello :3
This is awesome. I love your whole idea.
The idea of sacrifice? Perfect. Light touch of gore? Got it.
It's well written and easy to read. There is a liberate amount of metaphors used, but used without completely losing the reader, which is what many poets tend to do. This was completely on the ball for me from start to finish. Well done!
The structure was pretty much constant throughout, except for the first part; -
This one had nine stanzas, while the rest had only eight.
I know that's probably being really nit-picky but it's something that really stood out. I simply think it would contribute to the steady pace, which otherwise you had kept.
Although I didn't seem to find any sort of rhythm. Y'know like if you were to read it out loud it'd almost have like a beat? I didn't seem to find one. But then maybe it's just me.
Because to be honest this is very good.
It's emotional, it's diverse and tells the audience loud and clear - I WILL PROVIDE!