She burns, her burns on fire.
Fire put out by water, water in puddles.
Puddles of rain, of tears.
She weeps.
Weeping willows.
Willows blowing in the breeze.
Breeze blowing leaves off the ground on which she stands.
Stands stock still.
Stocks, of stalks, of grain, of corn, of peas.
The princess and the pea, a princess.
Mattress, pea, quilt, quilt, mattress, quilt, mattress, princess.
She is a princess, a true princess.
A tiara, a diadem, a crown, a queen.
She is a queen.
The Queen rules with a sword of words.
Words form pages from books, from chapters, from volumes.
Chapters from stories from tales.
Tall tales, fairy tales, fairies, fictional.
She is fictional.
Fiction, historical fiction, science fiction, realistic fiction, reality.
Avalanche, earthquake, tsunami, landslide, hurricane, Fire.
Forest Fire, house Fire, Fire, a world on fire. Fire, flames, burns --
SHE BURNS
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139,535 Literary Works • 672,600 Reviews
This poem is LOVELY!!! I absolutely love how you used the final idea of each line to start the next one. This is a very tough method of poetry, and it’s difficult to achieve a single story through it, but you’ve managed it perfectly!! It’s creative, it’s inventive, and it’s absolutely beautiful. This is the kind of poem you have to read a few times to note down every word and turn of phrase. The connections of so many different ideas would ordinarily be chaotic in a bad way, but this is chaotic in a very good one!! Instead of splitting into many pieces, it tells pieces of the same story through its connections.
Overall, incredible!! A very good poem.
This form of this is incredible! I have never read anything like it! The subtle, seamless transitions between reality and literature are fascinating. I really love it when poets play with tropes. It's always exciting to see someone rebel against the rules by playing with them.
That first line caught my attention. It was clever and powerful. I could tell that the piece was going to be interesting.
Because of the way that it is formated, it almost seems a little like a stream of consciousness, which is cool because it gives you this unique experience of the rhythm of the narrator's thoughts.
Hey there, firstly, I just want to say welcome to the YWS community because I see you just joined a day ago (give or take). Second I would like to congratulate you on submitting your first piece of work. I know for me it was tough posting, you never know what people are gonna think but most of the time people on here take the kind route and actually give pretty good advice.
(Ok, to the review part) I felt like you could have stretched the poem a bit longer. I also really liked the wordplay you did. It flowed very well and had me excited, you kind've stumbled it felt like when you tried to switch it up and for me, it felt hard to read the second half of the poem but after a few rereads it was still great stuff.
I mean, I wont pretend to know what a "good" or "great" poem is, Im coming out with a poetry collection and a novel in verse and I cant tell you what makes something perfect... Its just a feeling you know.
(Since your age is unknown Im gonna assume your young or if not just looking for a better understanding of writing so here is my 2 cents)
So just a bit of advice when writing no one knows but you and not every (if any) reader is going to fully understand the vision their not meant to... Its all for you first and foremost never just give the reader the bigger picture just give them the details as best and as full of that writer whimsy and finesse as you can.
Great job, and keep writing✌🤓