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It Hurts to Love a Martyr

by IMK


You wanted to save everyone
But I only wanted to save you.
You told me "sky's the limit,"
But we can't breathe up there.
There isn't anything for us here
There is no place for you and me.

I love you no matter.
No matter where we are,
I do not care who is with us.
I love you no matter when.
My love for you runs through
My body, my soul, and my heart.

My misery will never end
Now I know you'll never return.
My entire being was torn apart
When you left me here alone
In this world with nowhere to go
In a lonely world without you.

You would go out every day
Fighting and risking your life.
Was there no thought of your safety?
Did it never cross your mind out there?
You lived, you died. I told your story.
And oh, it hurts to love a martyr.


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89 Reviews


Points: 108
Reviews: 89

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Thu Oct 14, 2021 9:37 pm
Em16 wrote a review...



I love this poem! It's so beautiful and heartbreaking. I love the way, throughout the poem, you contrast the speaker's love for the martyr, and the desire for their presence, with the sadness and the emptiness at the loss of the love.
Your writing style is really inventive. There are a lot of twists and turns, and I love the way you play with metaphors, such as when you say "you told me "sky's the limit" / But we can't breathe up there". Saying "we can't breathe" is a creative way to express the limits of the phrase "sky's the limit", and it brings to mind a visceral image of someone gasping and trying to breathe. I imagine that feeling of breathlessness reflects how the speaker feels now that the person they love is dead.
I also love the progression of the stanzas. The first and fourth stanza did a good job setting the scene and explaining the events, while I felt the second and third stanza really did a good job diving into the emotions of the speaker. I loved the abrupt shift between the second stanza, all about how the speaker loves the martyr, and then the third stanza, which describes the speaker's misery.
I kind of sensed, running through the poem, an undercurrent of hatred on the part of the speaker, which I think would be interesting if you fleshed out a bit more. They must be hugely resentful of the person they loved, for choosing to throw away their life, and hurt the speaker so much. Does the speaker regret loving them? Does the speaker think they will ever recover from their pain?
I also thought it would be cool to see more specifics. As it is, the speaker and the martyr feel like vague, abstract characters. I don't know anything about them. Could you explain more about how the martyr died and what they were dying for? Could you do a comparison of what life was like for the speaker when the martyr was alive and after they died? What kind of relationship was it? Was it romantic or a friendship? I think it would be really moving if you anchored the poem around a particular detail or exchange between the martyr and the speaker. It would make it even more concrete and impactful.
Overall, this was an amazing poem. I love the idea you investigated, since I feel like the loved ones of a martyr often get lost, and don't have their stories told. All that's told is the heroism of the martyr, in sacrificing themselves, nothing about how their sacrifice hurts the people they love. I feel like you really effectively showed that pain. Good job!




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75 Reviews


Points: 5824
Reviews: 75

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Tue Oct 12, 2021 2:24 am
SadboyJay wrote a review...



hi @IMK i im here to give you a Incoming review since i haven't reviewed in a week

So we going to get started

First this is what i have to say is this poem was such a cool vibe and you know what your poem is giving me like a romance type of poem vibe as well and i also i got to tell you that i have a favorite line in to your poem is when you had put is I love you no matter.
No matter where we are,
I do not care who is with us.
I love you no matter when.
My love for you runs through
My body, my soul, and my heart. i really had a chance to cry a little and i i'm like this was such impressive poem and i would give you full credits to this cause i knew you did a good job and put the good effort in to making poems

My Compliment is how did you feel when you thought what people was going to say about your poem cause to me i i'm like this was such a cool nice poem and i had enjoy you putting the good effort in to your work and hopefully we keep you on track with your work

How you could of Improve is on starting on new stuff like think of something that you go through or write what you see or something i mean keep writing poems and i im saying keep up the good poems and just work on something like i just was telling you like what you go through or something anything

Keep Writing @IMK

-jay




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390 Reviews


Points: 41300
Reviews: 390

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Mon Oct 11, 2021 4:22 pm
Plume wrote a review...



Hey there! Plume here, with a review!

The title really drew me into this piece, and the poem did not disappoint! (One thing I did notice about the title though: did you mean to omit the "a" in the title? Personally, I think it would sound better if you said "It Hurts to Love a Martyr" rather than just "It Hurts to Love Martyr," but it is a bit of personal taste.) You were able to spin such a lovely poem of heartbreak with descriptive phrases that only added to the sadness of it all. Nice work!

One thing I enjoyed about this was the flow of your poem. There were some parts where you would introduce a phrase and then spend some time playing around with it. I enjoyed that a lot. One part especially that stood out to me was that "I love you no matter" stanza. At first, I was confused, because I thought you were missing the "what" at the end of the phrase. But then further along, I realized you were expanding it to include other questions, like "when" and "where." I thought that was a nice little touch. I love it when people play with phrasing like that, and here, it served to reiterate just how strong this couple's love was. That last line too was super striking as well, and I loved the callback to the title.

I wondered if perhaps you might want to include some more specific details. Right now, the poem is pretty vague in terms of who it applies to. Your narrator and their martyr lover are faceless people. To really make people feel the heartbreak, I feel like specificity would definitely help. It could serve to emphasize the little quirks these people had. Right now, this story could apply to so many people. Make it only apply to two. Make it so that this person is irreplaceable. I'm feeling the heartbreak and I understand it now, but I want you to make my heart break as I read the poem.

Overall: nice work! I think this poem is super great and you played with phrases to really bring out the love and sadness in this poem. I hope to read more of your work on YWS soon! Until next time!!




IMK says...


fixed the title, sorry about that!




Surround yourself with people who are serious about being writers, and who will tell you, ‘Hey—you can do better than this.’ Who will be critical of your work, but also supportive. And who will not be competitive in a negative way.
— Isabel Quintero