Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
*CAN BE READ STAND-ALONE, READING FOREVER IN LOVE IS NOT REQUIRED*
a flushed out version of the poem in prose.
If anyone wants, I can write a one-shot type scene with the two of them talking.
I hope everyone enjoys it!
A More Complete Story
How is one to love another when both are suffering, when both are hurt so deeply, so in pain? Someone will shatter but I can't leave, because my love runs strong. Because my love runs through every fibre of my very being, reaching out to touch her. But she can not hear me when I tell her I love her. She doesn't hear me when I say she is perfect, she can't see herself when I tell her she is wonderful. She won't eat even when I tell her she is beautiful, she won't eat even when she passes out on the floor- stone cold when I rush her to the hospital.
And yet I know- I know this isn't right. But I can't leave. Why is it, why, that when I try to leave, because I know, deep in my heart, that this won't last, that I always come back? I try to walk away, from this sinking ship that I cling to, but pivot on my heel, and turn back to the dangerous currents, and to the one I wish I could call mine.
There is apathy here. She and I, we stare at the stars for days on end. Apathetic to our own demise, but mourning for our other half. I mourn for my love, because my love she is. I mourn for her, for she hurts. And Love mourns for me, though I do not understand why. Love cries her tears on my chest that swells when I breathe. I see her tears rolling down her cheeks and onto my sweater. She tells me things, too. She tells me pretty things. She tells me beautiful things. She tells me stories, of love and of madness. She tells me lies, too. She tells me I'm wonderful. She tells me tall tales of greatness, as if I were a hero. But I love her lies, even when I know they are not true.
My heart is full of her. So, so full. So full of love, and wonder, and amazement. That she is mine. My heart is full of other things too. It is full of fear, of my life. It is full of contentment, for I must live in the right now, else I will fall far too deep to crawl out. Too far down to crawl out of this hole in the earth, that carries the hole in my heart. There is no space for love in my heart. No space for love for me. There will always be space in my heart for Love. Never will there be a time when there is no space for my love. The only one in my heart I do not have space for is me.
And sometimes I question why. I question why I live, but I always answer- For Her. For no one else. I do not live for myself any longer. She holds my heart captive, and she is perfect. But she will not listen to me. When I tell her she is all of me, and everything I would ever need, she never listens. She tells me she isn't perfect, but I know she is lying. She tells me she is ugly, she is fat--but when I tell her it's not true--She never believes me. She- Love -never believes I love her, she tells me I can do better, but when I respond with the same, that she can do better than me, Love is silent.
Before I knew my love I was alone. I had nothing to say for I had no one to tell. I did not listen for there was no one to speak to me. I was all alone, in the world of perfect people, where I am nothing but a dead girl. For I am not alive. My heart did not beat. And it still does not; not for me. My heart beats for her. For she is my life and love and I could never live without her. And if she dies I will be nothing for I am no one without her. There is no one here for me, in this cold, dark, world. But she, she could be anything. She is everything, but she doesn't see what I see, tells me that I flatter her. But before I had this woman in my life, I was lonely. Lonely, lonely, lonely. I cried, for help, for love, for forever. But I knew, in my mind, in the deepest, darkest parts of my brain, that forever- was a fairytale.
And I would never live to see happily ever after. Because I could not stop for Time. And I know that she could not stop for me. She and I- we were lovers. We were thwarted by a malign star. We were destined. We were the world and more, and we could travel to the ends of the Earth for each other, with each other. But now I know, yes, now I know. That we are doomed. That we are impaled by our own swords. That we are destined to fall. There are times, sometimes. When I hope that Time would stop for us. I speak to her at night, when I am lonely and I miss my love. She always tells me that she can not stop for me and Love. And when I cry tears of desperation she responds with 'no's and 'I wish I could's. But I hope, and I pray, to whoever may hear me. To a god, a spirit, the sky- that my love and I, that just this once- we could be an eternity.
But millions of sentences, and phrases, and things. Billions of words were left unsaid. She and I- we lay in bed, immune to the world, ignorant of the tomorrow. We are silent, for we know that if we speak the moment will be over. We will have to think of what comes next. We would have to think of what happens now. So we stay silent. She and I live in the moment, we live now, and no later. So we do not speak of later. We live in a world of our own creation where the stars shine night and day, and the moon never shrinks, and the sun never sets, and neither she nor I will ever leave. We are immune to the future, ignorant of the consequences.
"I want it all to end, I want to die."
"Please don't, I would kill myself if you died"
"I know, I would too."