The vilanelle is one of the most beautiful forms of poetry. Past it's strict structure, it still has wide scope and is actually pretty hard to write. Here's my try:
It’s said the smallest things can change anyone
A single smile, nod, word is all it takes.
A feather-like fall; impact of a ton.
In vast deserts, leaves lost, withered minds run
The other side--- warm winds, cool water to take.
It’s said the smallest things can change anyone.
A faint soft dew drop, that can’t be outdone,
To reflect and consider my mistakes.
A feather-like fall; impact of a ton.
From half-view car windows facing the sun
To the world below and beyond I wake.
It’s said the smallest things can change anyone.
Whispers can bring discordant noise to one.
A swift little blow? The world can shake.
A feather-like fall; impact of a ton.
Too late now, should've known this 'fore you'd gone.
For my future you put yourself at stake.
It’s said the smallest things can change anyone.
A feather-like fall; impact of a ton.
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This poetry is excellent. Your words are so inspiring. I love the short precise wording of;"A feather-like fall; impact of a ton." The phrase conveys great imagery. Additionally, your usage of punctuation within certain phrases is flawless. And your poem flows very well! Excellent skills! Seriously, keep doing the great work!
Appreciate the comment! Thanks!
Hello!
I read this poem and I loved it so much! The message is wonderful and the metaphors you use are just amazing!
Also, I read this poem and was reminded of "The Waking" by Theodore Rothke, not just because of the structure, but also because your writing style in this poem was similar to his. (If you haven't read The Waking I highly recommend it. It's one of my favorite poems.)
I only have two small suggestions.
In the line:
"A single smile, nod, word is all it takes."
Adding an 'or' before 'word' might help the line to flow a little bit better. Although, I could see why others would disagree with me.
Then the line:
"From half-view car windows facing the sun"
This line confused me a little bit, because I wasn't sure how you related it back to your theme. But, that might just be my bad poetry reading skills.
Anyways, thank you for sharing this poem! It has to be one of my favorites that I've ever read, quite honestly!
Okay I have no idea why that review submitted three times, but sorry about that.
Thanks for the reply.
About adding the "or" in the line, a villanelle has to be written in Iambic pentameter meaning that it has to have 10 syllables in each line with one unstressed and one stressed syllable ("Di DUM di DUM di DUM di DUM di DUM"). So if I added the "or" it would have ruined that pattern. I did think about that though!
As for the line: "From half view car windows facing the sun", I was trying to get at this:
When you look through a car window, you dont usually see the things below, only the scene in front of you, right? But this person has allowed me to look down, below. With this person's help, I am able to see a more wider view of the world and have a more deeper understanding about it. The word below could also be interpreted as seeing the sad aspect of life. The person when they left, turned my view away from the sun and towards darkness.
Hope that clears it up!
Glad you liked the poem!
Oh I totally should have read about the structure of the poem more carefully.
And thanks for the explanation. That part makes complete sense now.
Hello!
I read this poem and I loved it so much! The message is wonderful and the metaphors you use are just amazing!
Also, I read this poem and was reminded of "The Waking" by Theodore Rothke, not just because of the structure, but also because your writing style in this poem was similar to his. (If you haven't read The Waking I highly recommend it. It's one of my favorite poems.)
I only have two small suggestions.
In the line:
"A single smile, nod, word is all it takes."
Adding an 'or' before 'word' might help the line to flow a little bit better. Although, I could see why others would disagree with me.
Then the line:
"From half-view car windows facing the sun"
This line confused me a little bit, because I wasn't sure how you related it back to your theme. But, that might just be my bad poetry reading skills.
Anyways, thank you for sharing this poem! It has to be one of my favorites that I've ever read, quite honestly!
Hello!
I read this poem and I loved it so much! The message is wonderful and the metaphors you use are just amazing!
Also, I read this poem and was reminded of "The Waking" by Theodore Rothke, not just because of the structure, but also because your writing style in this poem was similar to his. (If you haven't read The Waking I highly recommend it. It's one of my favorite poems.)
I only have two small suggestions.
In the line:
"A single smile, nod, word is all it takes."
Adding an 'or' before 'word' might help the line to flow a little bit better. Although, I could see why others would disagree with me.
Then the line:
"From half-view car windows facing the sun"
This line confused me a little bit, because I wasn't sure how you related it back to your theme. But, that might just be my bad poetry reading skills.
Anyways, thank you for sharing this poem! It has to be one of my favorites that I've ever read, quite honestly!