The black breeze awaits ready to break in
Its cold breath varnishing the tattered roof
Trees bow a self-same welcome.
It is a miracle
The rain falls faster than our tears.
-
I silently whisper a greeting back
As windows rattle in the walls
And a door squeaks shut.
My words seem of no use these days
Against this deafening storm before us.
-
Inside it’s warm but not for long
Our fingers shiver and both feet are cold
From the beckoning whispers of the wind.
Is the best way to get out
Talking ourselves into keeping in?
-
One by one my people walk out,
pulled by desire, by the voices of the storm.
The sky breaks into a spark.
The clouds roar dissent.
I resolve to stay in though.
The dark is no home for shadows.
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Hey there ILived,
Myjaspercat here to leave you a review.
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Overall
So, for the most part I really liked this piece. I found that it had an air of suspense in some places that really seemed to fit it. However, like most emerging works, I felt like this had a few places where it needed more.
Mainly, I would suggest working on the description, just make it more original, more personal. I do love the idea of the "voices of the storm" thing but I feel like it could be a bit more impactful.
Other than that, I don't really have much else to say. I hope I helped a little, I'm a little rusty at this. If you have any questions feel free to ask. Good luck and continue writing.
I love your choice of language, but I am not getting the feel of the poem. The storm is the villian, and the people walking out are friends and family of the protagonist. However, what role is the storm playing? Why are the people being beckoned by it?
Your poem is interesting, yet unsettling. Which is great, because all poems of such a theme needs to be, but "it is a miracle"? If the outdoors is dangerous, then why is the speaker calling it a miracle?
It would get the reader more interested if you went on one specific subject to keep the theme enhancing.
Great job on the poem!