Ok so I wrote this several years ago and it's not very up-to-mark so cut me some slack hehe :P Any ideas for a closing stanza? :)
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GIFT FROM THE FLOODGATES OF HEAVEN
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A form of love so sublime,
that grows in faith with the passing of time.
A love so infinite, nothing could measure;
a love that lasts forever and ever.
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A love that’s unconditional, equal and kind;
a love that words can’t fully define.
A love so pure, divine and holy;
In spite of its flawlessness,
it resisted nobody.
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A love that guarantees a joy everlasting;
a love that outshines the deepest of sorrows.
A love that teaches us real living;
and not worry about tomorrow.
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A love that brings contentment
when times in life are tough.
A love that's all-sufficient,
whose grace is more than enough.
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A love that forgets mistakes
as long as we repent.
A love of endless mercies,
to forgive us sinful men.
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A love we can believe in
to guide us in all that we do;
that it may leave us doubtless,
because its promises are true.
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To delight in its embrace
subsides all worldly cares.
A love so overwhelming,
nothing can compare.
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A love beyond understanding;
so indescribable.
A love that’s never ending
and irreplaceable.
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To be completely honest,
it sounds to good to be true;
but if this love really exists,
can I experience it too?
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I loved the message, but I had a couple technical suggestions.
With the second verse, the last couple line are a little awkward with the added line.
The rhyme scheme seems to skip around a little. It changes after the second verse and again at the sixth. The fifth verse doesn't rhyme at all.
For the fifth verse, maybe forgives mistakes would be more appropriate? It's fine if you like it, but it seems to me like no one can really forget mistakes.
I really liked it, but the changes in rhyme were a little distracting. I thought the ending verse sounds like a great ending, but that's just me
Hope I helped, keep writing!
Hmm I agree, the second verse has been a problem for this piece, but I didn't know how else to go about it >< "Repent" and "men", is men pronounced as /m%u025Bn/ or /m%u0259n/? Because I was going with the former which rhymes with /r%u026Ap%u025Bnt/, if you ignore the /t/ sound
As for "forget", it's based on this verse:
I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more. (Isaiah 43:25)
Thanks for taking the time! Really appreciate it....do check these out if you feel like it, see if you like them
What Depression Feels Like
I Want to Heal
The Womb of My Affections
Wow this is good. really good. this poem held me from start to finish.
"A form of love so sublime,
that grows in faith with the passing of time.
A love so infinite, nothing could measure;
a love that lasts forever and ever."
These rhymes are so smooth and fit together perfectly. they flow so well that I couldn't stop reading it.
"To be completely honest,
it sounds to good to be true;
but if this love really exists,
can I experience it too?"
To be honest with you this last stanza you wrote would make a good ending stanza anyway.
but that's up to you.
Awwww omg thank you!! <3 :')