What Depression Feels Like
I put on a forefront of speechlessness and quiet, when inside I’m screaming over and over again for life to change its course only to realize that nothing is going to change.
I feel a heavy cloud of gloom enveloping me and resting upon me; swallowing the little rays of hope left within the breaches of my brain.
I am encased within the walls of negativity and dragged along the currents of confusion only to end up in an empty room with nothing suitable for suicide.
I am trapped within the mind, I am trapped within myself. I am a million dead ends rolled into one common beginning of being proceeded by an empty step the height of a 4-storey building.
I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders; but care about nobody but myself.
My conscience suffers the tug between impulse and rationale; the conflict between cutting and calming down, the battle of bloodshed versus self-control.
I travel along the never-ending tunnel of darkness and despair; only to realize that it gets darker. My mere existence is suffocating.
My mind is controlled by self-centered reality, flawed logic, and the self-fulfilling prophecy of being ill-favoured.
I confide in the comfort of sad songs and the unglorified image of prescription pills and monthly medical appointments.
I smile, talk, and giggle to muffle the demons screaming inside of me, begging to be heard. But sometimes I may not; simply because it’s loud enough inside my head.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
First first first, tell me, (i have been thinking about it) why there are story looking poem everywhere? I really used to think, poems can only be them who look like slim, thin, or decorated.
sorry, i aren't criticizing, that's what i barely do. but, i was just wondering.
And, now, HI! How have you been? I'm here to comment which will look like a review!
You writing's absolutely amazing. It's also very much relatable. I loved it. You did a great job. i need to learn writing like this. No, really.
"I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders; but care about nobody but myself." would you mind describing this line please?
And, alrighty, i hope, this fat comment hasn't bothered you much!
STAY BLESSED AND HAPPY!
Haha hello there
That line refers to an overwhelming sense of self that's disguised as a concern over everything else around me. In other words, it's just me worrying about several aspects in my life (studies, friends, family, life, etc.) and how they affect me.
<3
Thank you for the very kind words!
You're welcome
"I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders; but care about nobody but myself.
My conscience suffers the tug between impulse and rationale; the conflict between cutting and calming down, the battle of bloodshed versus self-control."
Those parts probably spoke to me the most. Cause I constantly feel like I'm carrying everyone else's problems, but at the same time I really don't feel like I care about said problems.
This was a really great poem and it accurately spoke what I feel like most of the time. :I It's sad that people have to go through this crap....
You did a great job. I applaud you. Thanks for writing this poem.
Hey Sylar14, thanks a lot for the encouragement! Really appreciate it... It's been the longest road but I'm finally free! I hope and pray that you'll find your freedom soon. <3
Wow. Yeah. I'm kinda speechless. Because I know (somewhat) what depression feels like and... yeah. This is it. I really like this. You go. Awesome job. (So you are not struggling with depression anymore, I hope?)
So. As for critiquing...
I think you could easily make this into more of a poem. Actual line breaks would probably make this more like "traditional" poetry and probably make it easier to read. I mean, maybe you don't want to change anything.... That's just a suggestion. And I won't go so far as to suggest where to put line breaks, since that is a fun part of editing and also very personal, but I think you could make a stanza out of each sentence/set of sentences you already have.
As for specific words...
In the first sentence I feel like "forefront" isn't the exact right word (but that might just be me). I'd go with maybe "false front" instead of "forefront."
Should there be a comma after "being"? And did you mean "proceeded" or "preceded"? I think "preceded" may fit your meaning better.
My suggestion here: remove "up." I think it's an unnecessary, slightly awkward word hanging out for no particular reason.
"Simply"?
I... seriously... uh... I... really like this poem. (Right now I'm kinda at the point of Captain Shang--from Mulan: "You... you fight [write] good.") Keep writing!
~ jessiethought ~
Hellloo Jessie
, but what I was trying to convey here is an unfeigned facade....if that makes sense :/
"I am a million dead ends rolled into one common beginning of being proceeded by an empty step the height of a 4-storey building."
What I was trying to convey here is the end of so many potentials in my life that all eventually meet at one point, that point being death...which I metaphorically tried to convey as the start of suicide (one common beginning that's being proceeded by jumping down from a tall building)
As for "forefront", I also think that "false front" sounds better (thanks for the suggestion btw
Ooh thanks for pointing those out! Rookie mistakes... >< I'll edit this immediately!
Thanks for taking the time, Jessie! Means a lot! <3
You're welcome.
And I think I get what you're saying about an "unfeigned facade"--something that's not "false," not really a lie meant to deceive, but an attempt to cope and not fall apart on the surface.... 
Exactly....couldn't have said it better myself
Good job! I really liked your poem!
Maybe you could even write a story on this subject, depression I suppose.
Awww thank you! <3