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Please note that I am uploading this for a friend - this is not my work, he has stressed that the audience know it's a work-in-progress, but other than that, rip it to shreds people!
An Ode to Byron
I
Byron! Who sang Love’s sweet song,
For whom Time has not prov’d wrong.
Thy poems resound like the call
Of one who has witness’d all
The folly and pain of man.
To write like thee – no one can.
II
Byron! Of alabaster
Thy skin was forg’d; the master
And inheritor of those
Who wilted in Love’s repose,
Only forgotten in time
Should man turn his back on rhyme.
III
Byron! To read thy soft lays
Is like light on darkest days,
That illumines morbid hearts
To appreciate Love’s darts.
You, that scribed for hearts to nurse,
Taught us to avoid Love’s curse.
IV
Byron! How great was thy feat!
Though deformed one of thy feet,
Limp and blind is god of Love
And he dwells in realms above.
May you rest in hearts of all,
Untouch’d be thy sacred pall.
V
Byron! Who lov’d Liberty
More, alas, than thy safety;
Ye who broke the mould not form’d
Thy early death is e’er mourn’d.
Hollow thy name rings today,
And some to’t lip service pay!
VI
Byron! Ancient Hellas
Has lost her old gravitas;
Her marbles stol’n, her cash bust,
And to foreigners entrust.
But living in thy poesy,
Her hue remains still rosy.
VII
Byron! Thy Juan beside
Milton’s poem takes place of pride;
Childe Harold, tho’ thou wert not,
For all time won’t be forgot.
All wreaths are given to thee,
But shunned by thy modesty.
VIII
Byron! Exil’d, ne’er return’d
To England, whence thou wert spurn’d!
Here and there you went: a spy?
No! Thou wert England’s gadfly!
In an Irish heart, take rest!
For we too are England’s pest!
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,837 Reviews
Hi there.
Admittedly, I haven't read much Byron (nor do I know very much about him), so please forgive me if I ramble on at some point during this review about something I would know about if I was more well read.
I enjoy your meter very much. I also enjoy how you shorten the words to make them fit. Many people leave the whole word in and expect you to know that you should fit them into the meter, but you don't. I like the old way of doing things, and that's what you've done.
I think it would be an interesting twist to adopt the rhyme scheme of one of Byron's more famous works to strengthen the connection between your poem and Byron. For example, in Don Juan (which I've just looked up), he uses an ABABABCC rhyme scheme throughout the section that I've read. It would be interesting if you did the same (just a suggestion).
Some stanzas are better than others. I like the first, the third, the sixth and the seventh, but the rest of them need a little work.
In the second stanza, I'm not quite sure why you're talking about his skin (I might just be missing something, but I don't know). It seems fairly pointless to me, and I think that the poem might do well without it. And If you can do without, take it out (though the images are quite lovely there).
Stanza four also needs some work. The first two lines almost sound comical compared to the rest of the poem so far. The rhyme between feat and feet isn't doing it for me there, and I don't understand why it's important that you mention he had a club foot in this poem. Are you not extolling his virtues? At least when you said in the stanza I previously addressed that he had alabaster skin. I don't think that it's really worthy of mention.
The last line of stanza five isn't really doing much for me. The rest of the stanza is pretty good, though.
The last one is a little confusing to me, though I'm almost sure it's because I don't know much about Byron. So take that into mind, but don't pay too much mind.
You have a good sense for rhythm and language. I hope that you decide to get your own profile and join YWS. We'd be happy to have you.