Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
Chapter 3
The nearing thunder rumbled in a low, gutteral growl as the wind picked up, taking the sails in its wings. The waves lapped against the ship, rocking it gently and keeping the men on their toes, testing their balance.
Lee stood on the quarter deck, facing the storm head on with the town of Walden behind him. The wind whipped through his dark, wavy hair and sent it into his face. He pushed it away from his eyes and breathed the deep, salty air in with vigorous delight. While others feared the storm, he itched with anticipation. He longed to have the danger and andrenaline of life or death. The unknown of whether today was the last you'd ever see.
He glanced down at the working men. Ropes were being secured and double checked to ensure a trustworthy knot was in place for the oncoming storm. As Captain, it was his responsibility to make every man aware of his job and thrown overboard if not participating to his fullest capability.
Lee exhaled before calling out to his Second, "Timmy, I'm going below. You oversee the men until I return. Understood?"
With a curt nod for a reply, he jumped down the dozen steps to the main deck and turned towards his quarters directly behind them. The wooden door opened with a creak from the hinges and welcomed him to the only space on the ship not totally owned by the men. This one little room held more about his past then he would ever like to admit to the men. No need for them to find his personal life he'd left behind him. For the most part that is.
He sat on the three-legged stool that occupied the space in front of the crowded desk. Parchments from their recent stay were sprawled in every which way and he began to dig through them. He knew there was a document from Hallowguards, probably concerning his delayed payment of membership. Not that being a member was really a choice.
"Ah ha!" he cried out in triumph, grasping the almost invisible envelope as it was surrounded by so many others.
His triumph dwindled away as he read the words:
Captain Lee,
As your Headmaster, I expect you to pay your tribute when due. Since three sennights have passed with no forewarning nor respect, you have forced my hand. I put claim to half of the plunder left after your dues are paid. If you decide to wait longer, I will take it all as recompense.
Now as a friend, I advise you not to push your good fortune. Consider yourself warned.
Murgun Ralehes
Anger instantly burned in his chest as he slammed the letter onto the desk. A letter had been sent weeks ago, explaining the delay. He had no doubt they recieved it and were only using this as an excuse to cheat his crew of their fair wage. He'd seen it happen numerous times with his comrades but usually the Hallowguards didn't mess around with him. With good reason too. Murgun was kidding himself, thinking that Lee would comply to such ridiculous demands.
He hadn't made it to captaincy in only four years by being a push over. No, Murgun knew he wouldn't give him more than what was due. Which made Lee question his motives for even suggesting it.
Murgun was a man full never ending twists and tuns of deceit and facades. He will give you copper in exchange for gold and make it seem like honey on bread. He will spare a life but execute a thousand in your stead. He will offer you the world in return for your soul. He was not someone to mess around with but neither was he.
A knock on the door brought him out of his thoughts, "Sir, we are approaching a ship. Her colours are of Graystead. What is our course of action?"
A wicked grin spread across Lee's face as he opened the door, "Attack."
Timothy's lips curled into a smug smile as he said, "Yes, sir."
Lee jogged out and back up to the quarter deck where he could see fully where the ship was. He searched the horizen for the dark gray flags that they always stupidly showcased. Their pride was their downfall. If they would take the flags down, they would be less of a target but no, they had to announce their arrival...even at the chance of death. He didn't mind. They gave him a chance to cut their damn throats like they all deserved.
"Right pull!" He hollered forcefully to Timothy. Timothy echoed his command and the ship subtley lurched forward as the oarsmen below deck jumped to a start.
He gave a few other commands and watched as the men ran this way and that, tightening ropes and loosening others to change course. The ship was coming to their left at a steady pace and they needed to flip around to meet them head on. They wouldn't have a good chance of boarding them from the position they were currently sitting at.
Lee watched the slow movement of the ship anxiously as he held the wheel steady against the pull of the waves. Every man had his job. His, although looked fancy, was equal in importance to the rest of the crews'.
He faintly heard voices raised from the Graystead ship, no doubt being carried by the wind. He relished in their panic as his own flag was raised -the black colours of a Reaper contrasting against the dark blue backround- letting them know their doom. He chuckled, knowing how defenseless their ship was against his ol' girl.
Most ships only carried artillery on their sides while his had cannons lined against every direction. As a Hallowguard, failure wasn't an option. If you weren't killed during the battle, you could be sure that you would be upon returning to the Headmaster. He wasn't the highest ranking pirate for nothing. He was ruthless and you had to keep up, or else.
Keeping a watchful eye on the approaching storm, Lee knew he needed to be quick on this in order to get her turned around again. He really didn't want to get stuck in that storm trying to fight the waves. He might like a challenge but certain death surprisingly didn't appeal to him.
"Smartly!" Lee called out as the waves struck the ship, making it lurch sideways. The men hurried to hold the line to keep the sails steady as the wind picked up.
The Graystead ship was steadily becoming bigger as he approached it, his ship fully turned around. He could hear them shouting clearly and soon he would be able to see them mad scrambling around the deck, trying to prepare themselves for what they could never be prepared for. No one can prepare for death.
The crew below held their swords readily, waiting on his command to board them. The glint in their eyes as the everyday seamen turned into the bloodthirsty criminals they were. Each and every man, craving the darkness that overtook the eyes of his victim.
Lee waited. The ship was getting closer but any attempt to swing onto it would only end with half of his men in the treacherous water below. His bowsprit was aligned with the Graysteads' hull, leaving only a few moments before he was going to allow the men their fight.
He kept his eyes on the ship's quarterdeck, waiting for their captain to come into view. He squinted his eyes and almost laughed at the man standing there. The odds of it being Captain Joss were slim to none and yet, he stood there shaking in his boots. The very man that progressed to an "honourary" position by being a backstabbing, witless pignut. A coward was what he was. No real man would step over his comrades by being a rat.
Murgun would be quite happy to have a hold on this one. A coward or not, he was sly and had men to do his work everywhere. To bring him in would no doubt reap a reward.
Lee locked eyes with him and recognition lit in the Captain's eyes, instantly replaced with fear.
"Stand down!" Captain Joss called out to his own men. Lee rolled his eyes. He should have expected him to try weasle himself out of a battle. The man was a disgrace to the male specimen.
"Engage!" Lee called out with a grin. His men quickly shot the grappels out and he watched the Captain's face screw up into a wince as they dug deep into the surface of his ship. At least he wasn't completely an idiot. He did brace himself for the impact of the ship coming to an abrupt halt.
Lee whistled loudly and Timothy came bounding up the steps. He nodded his head as he let the man take the wheel from him. No one below moved or spoke until he gave permission. On every ship, the captain spoke first with the rest to follow but on a pirate ship, if you didn't comply to it, you would live the last of your days floating endlessly with the sea.
"Well, if it isn't ol' Jossy!" Lee said, mocking him with an exaggerated bow, "I remember you well from the Graystead Academy."
Captain Joss straightened himself out before replying, "And I remember you, Captain Lee, before our paths changed."
Lee snorted, "Mine never changed. I strived for Captaincy and here I am. The only difference between how I became captain and how you became captain is that I worked for it, while you," he jabbed his finger out at the man, "were too afraid to get your hands dirty with anything but the blood of your comrades."
Captain Joss shifted uneasily, knowing that every word he spoke was true. When no reply came, he gave his men a curt nod of the head. They grinned and advanced, each man taking their turn boarding.
The opposing men stood in their grey uniforms, waiting for a command that didn't involve being cowardly. By the hatred in their eyes, it was a command they knew wasn't going to come. Lee chuckled to himself, knowing exactly the hatred that burned in their very souls. Being under a captain with no courage was something that could turn the most loyal man into one leading mutiny.
This could be in Lee's advantage. He stood in their shoes once and when given the opportunity to lead a different life, he'd jumped into it head first. Of course, there were many things he didn't know then that he knew now but at least he had life. He would just give them the same "courtesy" of not knowing the full picture.
A young man stood out to him particularily. Not more then twenty; he was still full of life and fight. Lee noticed how he was eyeing a sword leaning against the mast. Obviously, still being on the bottom of the chain, he was not honoured with having his own by his side. He was waiting for the man to take his chance but it seemed he was smarter then he looked. He was biding his time; waiting for the opportune moment.
Finally, as Lee expected, he made a running lunge for the weapon. He had it in his hand for less then a minute before his own man, Mark, knocked it out again. Mark took him by the scruff of his hair and looked as if he was going to let his blade do its' job.
"Mark, stand down." Lee said calmly. Mark looked unimpressed at the command but listened without hesitation nevertheless.
Lee jumped up onto the side of the ship and held onto the rope beside him with one arm. He watched smugly as Captain Joss was brought across the gap between the two ships. His smugness only increased as the Captain stuck his nose in the air as if he had dignity to save.
Lee took his arm in a tight grip and brought his ear close to his mouth, "The only reason you breathe, asshole, is because your being will bring me a fair price. Don't kid yourself though. You even look at me the wrong way and I'll take what I can from your corpse. You got me, Jossy?" He sniffed disdainfully before nodding his head once in surrender.
"Good," he said shortly before turning to address Joss' men, "I want only your Captain under the condition that you will high tail it away from here and you won't try to engage my ship. Before any of you get the idea that I am afraid of your attack, I am not. I will tear you apart if you dishonour the arrangement I have put in front of you, make no mistake."
A few of them nodded their heads while others stared at him angrily. Taking that as good enough, Lee whistled sharply, signaling his men to retreat.
"Oh, take him as well." Lee said, indicating the only man who had tried to stop the attack. The only one there with any potential at all.
He watched as the man's eyes snapped to attention, an angry defiance daring anyone to try touch him. He was going to be a handful but Lee knew that he would pay off eventually. It would take some work but it would happen. It always did. The riches and temptations of the pirate life was far more appealing then the disrespect of the Acadamy.
The fight was entertaining as he struggled against the three men that were tasked to getting him onto the ship. A task that proved to be far more difficult then previously thought. They eventually got him over without having to knock him out which surprised Lee.
"Bring them below. Make sure they are accomodated as neccessary."
As his crew hurried to meet his command, he made his way back to the wheel. He detached himself from the Graystead ship and turned the ship back to face the storm ahead. It had been a hell of a day and now even he wasn't looking forward to the work the night entailed.
"All in a days' work." He muttered to himself as the darkened clouds inched closer. The bright lightening shot down from the sky as it cracked and echoed for miles. He had to survive that before worrying about meeting the Headmaster. A meeting he did not look forward to.
End of chapter
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HI Honny, let's just jump into this, no introductions needed!

The nearing thunder rumbled in a low, gutteral growl as the wind picked up, taking the sails in its wings. The waves lapped against the ship, rocking it gently and keeping the men on their toes, testing their balance.
Wow, that is a pretty strong opening, perfect use of adverbs while not going “overboard” with the description, hehe.
I like puns, gimme a breakMy one complaint is you spelt guttural wrong and that threw me off for a second. But bravo!
Lee stood on the quarter deck, facing the storm head on with the town of Walden behind him. The wind whipped through his dark, wavy hair and sent it into his face. He pushed it away from his eyes and breathed the deep, salty air in with vigorous delight. While others feared the storm, he itched with anticipation. He longed to have the danger and andrenaline of life or death. The unknown of whether today was the last you'd ever see.
You spelled adrenaline wrong, Honny. The sentence flow is mediocre at best, we need more of a rocking lul that is a mix of lengths, varying while staying to the said of long, but not run on. Your descriptions are so good, though, you have such a talent for that!
He glanced down at the working men. Ropes were being secured and double checked to ensure a trustworthy knot was in place for the oncoming storm. As Captain, it was his responsibility to make every man aware of his job and thrown overboard if not participating to his fullest capability.
Great way to introduce his role and his persona without explaining too much, this is a great example!
Lee exhaled before calling out to his Second, "Timmy, I'm going below. You oversee the men until I return. Understood?"
More like over”sea” hahaha. Sorry not sorry!
This one little room held more about his past then he would ever like to admit to the men. No need for them to find his personal life he'd left behind him. For the most part that is.
Okay, the correct form would be than, not then. Than is a comparative, you know. More than him, less than her, etc. Then is a past usage thingy. She then cleaned her room.
I’m sure you know, I’m just reminding you!
"Ah ha!" he cried out in triumph, grasping the almost invisible envelope as it was surrounded by so many others.
As ah-ha is more of a breathy interjection, so it should have the - between the words. No other critiques, but watch that flow, I had to re-read part of that paragraph.
Anger instantly burned in his chest as he slammed the letter onto the desk. A letter had been sent weeks ago, explaining the delay. He had no doubt they recieved it and were only using this as an excuse to cheat his crew of their fair wage. He'd seen it happen numerous times with his comrades but usually the Hallowguards didn't mess around with him. With good reason too. Murgun was kidding himself, thinking that Lee would comply to such ridiculous demands.
You spelled received wrong, and to such should be with such. Both could be used, yes, but I think with such is more grammatically correct.
I know I keep pointing out your grammar, but your flow and word usage has been pretty good, which is what I mainly correct you on.
He hadn't made it to captaincy in only four years by being a push over. No, Murgun knew he wouldn't give him more than what was due. Which made Lee question his motives for even suggesting it.
Pushover is one word, beware of the little slip ups, Honny!
Murgun was a man full never ending twists and tuns of deceit and facades.
Again, here to be a nitpick. Full of never ending is correct, not full never ending. Also, tuns should be turns!
Timothy's lips curled into a smug smile as he said, "Yes, sir."
Smug? Why would he feel superior? I get he may feel excitement at being more powerful than Graystead, but he was getting orders, smug may not be the best usage. If you do mean smug, maybe explain why. Also, that leads me to my next point.
If it’s not from his point of view, nobody can tell what he’s thinking. Think about it,
Mary ate her apple and looked over to her friend, Vanessa.
“Wow, that was fast,” Vanessa said happily.
How would Mary know she said it happily.
Vanessa said in a happy tone as she smiled, seems more leading to that point. Ah, I’m making no sense, let me re-make that point.
The world is being perceived by Lee’s point of view so he cannot know for sure how Timmy is smiling. Tell me if I make no sense and I’ll explain yet again!
He looked rather smug, is maybe more fitting?
Also, here are some synonyms for smug that may be a bit more descriptive, just in case:
Anticipatingly
Slowly
With a malicious glint in his eye
Hopefulness
In suspense.
Lee jogged out and back up to the quarter deck where he could see fully where the ship was. He searched the horizen for the dark gray flags that they always stupidly showcased. Their pride was their downfall. If they would take the flags down, they would be less of a target but no, they had to announce their arrival...even at the chance of death. He didn't mind. They gave him a chance to cut their damn throats like they all deserved.
Okay, first off, you spelled horizon wrong, e instead of an o. Second, the “…”’s should have a space after
. They wouldn't have a good chance of boarding them from the position they were currently sitting at.
Honny, the flow has been superb this chapter, but you ended the sentence on a preposition. Sitting at is wordy and throws the end off! Were currently sitting is the correct ending, no at needed!
He faintly heard voices raised from the Graystead ship, no doubt being carried by the wind. He relished in their panic as his own flag was raised -the black colours of a Reaper contrasting against the dark blue backround- letting them know their doom. He chuckled, knowing how defenseless their ship was against his ol' girl.
Background*
Most ships only carried artillery on their sides while his had cannons lined against every direction. As a Hallowguard, failure wasn't an option.
He*
Keeping a watchful eye on the approaching storm, Lee knew he needed to be quick on this in order to get her turned around again. He really didn't want to get stuck in that storm trying to fight the waves. He might like a challenge but certain death surprisingly didn't appeal to him.
Alright, something to point out! The flow, in this paragraph especially, is not the best. The sentences are choppier than waves in a storm and rockier than I care to read. Read it aloud or at least re-read it, and you shall see for yourself, this can be re-done very well.
The Graystead ship was steadily becoming bigger as he approached it, his ship fully turned around. He could hear them shouting clearly and soon he would be able to see them mad scrambling around the deck, trying to prepare themselves for what they could never be prepared for. No one can prepare for death.
Prepared for is written badly.
Trying to prepare for something unpreparable, sounds better and flows well.
The very man that progressed to an "honourary" position by being a backstabbing, witless pignut. A coward was what he was. No real man would step over his comrades by being a rat.
One tip, quotations should only be for speaking, use italics to show exaggeration, sarcasm, or emphasis! Also, do you see what I mean about the iffy flow? Let us rewrite that!
Being a backstabbing, witless pignut was how he rose to that honourary position. He was nothing but a coward, for no real man would be a rat and step over his comrades.
See?
"Stand down!" Captain Joss called out to his own men. Lee rolled his eyes. He should have expected him to try weasle himself out of a battle. The man was a disgrace to the male specimen.
Weasel*, Honny. These past few paragraphs have been rather good with the flow!
On every ship, the captain spoke first with the rest to follow but on a pirate ship, if you didn't comply to it, you would live the last of your days floating endlessly with the sea.
Comply is needed, comply to it is wordy and unneeded, in sounds better than with, which jolts the flow!
Captain Joss straightened himself out before replying, "And I remember you, Captain Lee, before our paths changed."[/b]
This is a rather interesting way to catch people off guard! I like it.
A young man stood out to him particularily. Not more then twenty; he was still full of life and fight. Lee noticed how he was eyeing a sword leaning against the mast. Obviously, still being on the bottom of the chain, he was not honoured with having his own by his side. He was waiting for the man to take his chance but it seemed he was smarter then he looked. He was biding his time; waiting for the opportune moment.
This feels rushed due to little spelling mistakes, Honora. Time is your best friend, use it, it’ll show.
Particularly* than, not then* you used that one wrong twice.
Finally, as Lee expected, he made a running lunge for the weapon. He had it in his hand for less then a minute before his own man, Mark, knocked it out again. Mark took him by the scruff of his hair and looked as if he was going to let his blade do its' job.
Than not then again, Hon, watch out for that sneaky little one, it seems to escape us both sometimes. Its doesn’t need an apostrophe after it.
He watched as the man's eyes snapped to attention, an angry defiance daring anyone to try touch him… The riches and temptations of the pirate life was far more appealing then the disrespect of the Acadamy.
Try to touch and academy is correct, make sure you do a spell check or run this through a spell checking site thingy
The fight was entertaining as he struggled against the three men that were tasked to getting him onto the ship. A task that proved to be far more difficult then previously thought.
Get and than.
"Bring them below. Make sure they are accomodated as neccessary."
Accommodated and necessary, Hon.
"All in a days' work." He muttered to himself as the darkened clouds inched closer. The bright lightening shot down from the sky as it cracked and echoed for miles. He had to survive that before worrying about meeting the Headmaster. A meeting he did not look forward to.
Day’s is correct, and you spelled lightning wrong.
OVERALL:
Pretty good, the only big thing I saw is the spelling mistakes, please look for them, it almost hurt me. Sorry if my reviewing style kept changing, I usually work on these throughout the day, a bit in the morning, afternoon, and early evening ready for the night, but I just spent 2 hours straight on this XD
No, I’m not annoyed because I’ve never gotten into the review spotlight even though I spend a whole day working on these and try so hard, haha, no not at all.
I cannot wait to see what you come up with next, I’ll see you soon ^^
Jade
Live your review! It really helped me out! Sorry about all the spelling. My computer is crap and doesn%u2019t correct anything...or maybe my spelling is...I will have to reread more before I post!
Thanks again!
Don't worry too much, just switched letters and little mistakes, nothing horrible, but I do suggest a re-read. You can always use Google Docs, which is pretty good at checking spelling or download a spell checker if that would help
Yeah I should do that XD
Hi Honora!
So this chapter took us to a new direction and brought new characters. For a moment in the beginning I thought how did the MCs entered the sea and then realised it's a different set up and new entries. I liked this new pirate plot in your story and think there's a good chance you can bring some great tale for the readers. The intro part about the stormy weather at sea was quite nice.
I liked the character of Lee. He seems to be brave and fierce. I wonder how you are going to portray him in the story. Will he help Ella and Gideon or will he be the villain.
Just small typos. I hope we get to see Murgun soon. He sounds quite interesting and has got some unsettled business with captain Lee.
Now this sounds like the words coming from a mean pirate!
Overall it was a nice chapter. The new characters look promising. I hope you bring both the storylines together smoothly and impress your readers.
Great work!
Keep writing
Hello Hkumar! Thank you so much for the review! I will have to edit those typos! Glad you are enjoying it so far! It is very encouraging!
As always, your work is stunning. I was a little confused at the beginning with the abrupt change of POV and introduction of a new character, but after it was rather "smooth sailing"
This Lee is very interesting and I first thought he was the captain of a merchant ship. I was rather surprised that he was commanding a pirate ship. You led me on so that the transition made sense, but exciting as well.
The entire chapter has a rather "Pirates of the Caribbean" vibe. Take that as a compliment for I really like them. I liked how Lee appears to embody a pirate with morals, which is rather an amusing paradox. The pirate system seems complicated and I'm looking forward to finding out more.
However, what truly has me hooked now is the mystery of how you are going to link this new character's path with Elly and Gid. I'm so excited and really looking forward to seeing how this pirate will impact their lives.
Great writing!!! Keep up the excellent work!
I think once it is in book form (hopefully one day) it won%u2019t be as confusing with the switch of POV. I hope at least
Very glad you liked it!
Thank you for the review! <3
I think once it is in book form (hopefully one day) it won%u2019t be as confusing with the switch of POV. I hope at least
Very glad you liked it!
Thank you for the review! <3