Bear Lake

*For this essay, I decided that I would challenge myself to write an experience of mine, from a viewpoint of something else. Enjoy!*

The people came as they always did. Laughing, talking and ready to pollute the environment even more. Perhaps these human beings would be different this time though. The loneliness once again coursed through the vast body, a current sending ripples through the water. So lonely for such a long time and always hoping that the next group would be less selfish, less demeaning than the last.

As the vehicle, a quad by the looks of it, came up to the edge, the joyful sounds of young people could be heard. Ah, what it was to hear something other than the unintelligible sounds of birds and mammals. Of course, the fish always provided adequate company, but after a while, even they too would become boring.

The group began to mill around, preparing a fire and collecting wood from a trailer that was pulled by the quad. Chaos began to ensue as the wind picked up and light sprinkles of rain began to come down. Not enough to soak through one’s clothes, but enough to want to get under cover. None of the teenagers seemed to mind though. No, the chaos was rather on the lake itself. The rainmaking continues ripples, disturbing the calm that had been there a moment before.

Watching a few of the boys undress into swimming gear, it felt as the excitement and frenzy built up inside, a gift of the rain. One of the boys stepped into the water and pushed the boat that was on the shore. The water welcomed the disturbance, wrapping its many tendrils around him in welcome. So great was the joy of the lake that it didn’t notice another disturbance, nearby but out of site of the group of humans.

Anger and rage swelled within the body of water as it noticed what the defilement and travesty that the humans had sought to bring upon it. A teenage boy, barely clad in a Speedo, had been carrying a container along the edge of the lake toward the boat. Stumbling over an outcropping rock, the boy pitched forward, making gas slosh out of the containers and into the lake.

Thoughts of revenge began to circulate in the unseen mind of the aquatic mass, thoughts of shock and hypothermia. Memories of sludge and filth erupted from the sub consciousness of Bear Lake; memories of it’s children dead from poisonous fumes and oils. This would not happen again.

Watching in cold silence as the boy got up and came into the water to help with the boat, all there was to do was wait. The stupidity of teenagers could always be counted on and the water was patient. How could it not be patient after sitting alone for millions of years at a time? No, the time would come when the boy would intrude into the domain of deeper waters. It would come.

Separating from both his companion and the boat, he walked further out into the lake, telling his friend that he was finally going to dive in. Preparing all of its vilest, most diabolical resources to throw at the boy, the water waited ready to spring.

As he dove in, the lake threw everything at him. His body went rigid as the chill of death itself struck him; finding passage into his skin and coursing assailed him through his veins. Convulsing for less than a second, the boy’s feet found the floor and he pushed off, clearing his torso above the water.

Breathing heavily, he remained above the water for a few moments before repeating the process twice more. Each time, the chill crept further through his veins until at the last it was at the very brink of his heart, turning his skin a light shade of blue.

The lake sighed with satisfaction as the boy left, its demeanor calm once again. All of the negative energy had been spent and now all that it wanted to do was rest and look after those who inhabited her domain.

*************************************************************************************

Stepping out of the lake, I walked as briskly as I was able toward the fire my company had built. Two girls in the group gave me a towel and my clothes. The towel I used quickly, rubbing hard so that I might help with the circulation of my blood. With the clothes, I put on only my shirt, holding everything else in my numb hand.

As I had stepped up to the fire, I noticed that I could not feel the heat, and this was beginning to worry me. The girl who had handed me the towel, Juliana, told me to move around and to rub until I received some sort of feeling. I did as I was bade, but after about two minutes of hopping around and rubbing my arms, I gave up and decided to stand close enough to the fire that the embers would fall onto my bare legs and feet.

Noticing my Bishop’s truck coming down the swampy path to the lake, I proceeded to start walking towards him and the warmth that his heater promised. I paused for a moment at the edge of dry beach that led to the wet trail. I didn’t want to get my feet wet again. Not that I was particularly thinking about how numb they were, or how it is bad to keep your feet cold. No, my reaction was due to the fact that I do not enjoy getting my feet dirty, and they would get dirty if I chose to continue.

Relenting, I got into the vehicle and welcomed the heat. Soon after, we were back in a garage with the rest of my Youth Group. My Asian Youth Leader, whom I consider to be an actual ninja, directed me to where hot coals were cooking Dutch oven dinners. Putting my feet on the metal next to the coals, I waited.

My patience paid off about fifteen minutes later, when my toes started to tingle with feeling. Five minutes after that, my feet could not stand the heat of the metal surface on which they were resting. I got up and began to walk around, accepting a blanket that was offered to me.

The rest of the lake party came back and I noticed that though a few of them had gone into the water, none of them had been affected as I was. My mind has come up with multiple theories, but to this day, I still do not know why.

*Partially Edited*

Comments & reviews · 6
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User avatar
babymagic18
Review

This was very well written I enjoyed very much reading this. I am almost surprised that I didn't come up with something like this to write about. I think it is so nice that when I read other peoples pieces I can get a new idea come to mind and they may or may not work out but knowing that they are there is simply enough and its minds like your that I have to really give thanks to. So thank you. Oh but one thing when you are writing you want to indent the paragraphs. That's all other than that it was well done keep up the good work!

Thanks for the reviews everyone! I'll be sure to use your input when I rewrite. Elinor, the first half of the story was actually from the lake's point of view. I guess that I didn't make that known as well as I should have.

Thanks again everybody!
-HP

User avatar
Elinor
Review
Elinor wrote a review · Wed Sep 08, 2010 8:41 pm

Hiya,

This story was alright. I thought it was magnificent how you built up the atmosphere in the first half of the story and really made us feel the setting--that is, I could almost hear the waves flapping and feel cold sand in between my toes. I thought the story had a really nice ending too. The way you worded it just sent chills down my spine.

However, there are a few things that feel like they could be a bit better. For instance, the scene where the teens are introduced seems a little bit preachy. Specifically this line:

Laughing, talking and ready to pollute the environment even more.


I don't know, I just don't like how it seems like you have to have to remind us that some humans are like that. Besides, You're narrating this story from a POV of a bear, right? I bet trash wouldn't bother them that much, especially if it's from food--all they'd care about is the leftover bits of food and grease they can get from the packaging. What would come into a bears mindset when they see in think of humans? Think about that. If you're not talking from the mindset of a bear (and it seems as if you are, with the talk of fish and 'stupid teenagers' and whatnot) try to make the narrator's voice a bit clearer. Who is telling the first half? Is it more omniscient? Is it a person or an animal? That's the only thing that makes the first half seem a bit off.

Also, fiction's review, especially the end is pretty much spot-on. Maybe you could add more afterward, expand on the narrator's worries as to why he is the only one being affected by the lake so much. Anyway, hope this review helped, and PM me if have any questions.

-Elinor x

User avatar
Elinor
Comment

I've been meaning to critique this, but I've been busy!

Watch this space over the next couple of days. ^^

User avatar
Stori
Comment

who inhabited her domain.


Up till now, you never referred to the lake as "she."

I did as I was bade,


I'm fairly sure this ought to be "as I was bid".

Random avatar
fiction903
Review

I thought the story was interesting. I wouldn't necessarily put it in non fiction because I feel like half of it is fiction and the other half is non fiction.I like the vivid descriptions in the first part.

Laughing, talking and ready to pollute the environment even more. Perhaps these human beings would be different this time though. The loneliness once again coursed through the vast body, a current sending ripples through the water. So lonely for such a long time and always hoping that the next group would be less selfish, less demeaning than the last.
I have a couple of suggestions that I would like to make.
The group began to mill around, preparing a fire and collecting wood from a trailer that was pulled by the quad. Chaos began to ensue as the wind picked up and light sprinkles of rain began to come down.
I would not repeat began. I would say chaos ensued when the wind picked up and light sprinkles of rain started to fall down.
teenage boy, barely clad in a Speedo, was urinating into the arms that had so joyfully embraced their coming!
This is really gross. I think this is a example of a bad conflict.That kind of ruined the rest of the story for me.The conflict makes the rest of the story seem so idiotic. He got really cold and wet because he decided to go out in the rain and pee in a lake? I thought it would be something more meaningful or humorous than that. Overall this was one of the strangest pieces of Non Fiction that I have ever read on YWS. Hopefully my advice helps you. Fiction.



He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how.
— Friedrich Nietzsche