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TTS- Ch 2 Part 1

by Holysocks

A/N:  Urgh.  There's some really BIG spaces in here and I'm too brain dead to figure it out right now.  sorry.  :/

It's funny how time goes so incredibly slow when you're bored. As it turns out, my clock doesn't really give me a good sense of real time pacing... it just kind of gives you an idea of the current time. So I have no idea how long it took Terry and Jass to decide to introduce me to my fellow clones... Yup, they still tell me I'm a clone... so I'm assuming that that's true ( it's either that or we're all crazy ). I wanted to meet the man to whom I'm cloned from, but Jass said that I need to spend time with some real people first... I'm not really sure how clones are real people, but oh well, it's Jass... she doesn't do a lot of thinking these days.

“Are you ready?” She asks now, tapping her nails against her clip board ( sometimes doctors just carry around clip boards for no reason ).

“Yeah,” I say, pushing myself up from the bed.

When my feet hit the floor, I almost laugh out of glee- I don't think my feet have felt the coolness of the glossy linoleum in, like, years... thousands and thousands of years. Each step feels like someone's smashing my thighs with a two-by-four, which proves just how long I've been on bed-arrest.

“I need you to not run off, okay?” Jass says.

I nod. There's no way I'm screwing this up. Not if I can help it.

She opens the door, and a wave of fresh air tickles my chapped cheeks. There's, like, a whole world outside of my room. We step into the biggest room I've seen in, like, forever... I mean, the world suddenly looks so big.

We're now in a huge room, with couches, and colours, and craziness- it's hard to understand what is going on in here, no one's here really, accept to one end there's a small group of four individuals... but there's so much to this that I can't even understand it. It has hard wood floor, that looks as though it could still be a live tree. Then there seems to be couches on top of other couches... like, kin of how bunk beds are...? And get this; there's a tree. Yup, a tree. A big one, too. It's about three stories high, and you can tell because you can see the windows of the second and third stories. You wouldn't think a tree could survive indoors, but it's seems pretty well accommodated; there's a glass dome above it, replacing what would normally be, you know, a roof.

“Isn't it great?” Jass asks, smiling at me.

I just stare at her for awhile, awe struck by the beauty... of the room... Jass isn't wearing her make up today, so you can actually see her face. Her hair's pulled back in a messy pony tail, like she didn't have time to brush, and she's in a pair of kill-your-brain purple jeans, and a washed out green T-shirt.

“Um, yeah...” I say, “Why is it so, uh...”

“Fancy?” She asks, “Well, it's for you guys, so it's especially nice.”

“Oh,” I say.

She leads me to the group of people, and a man gestures for us – or me – to sit. Right away I notice the girl that tried to kill me, sitting pleasantly with her hands nicely folded in her lap. You'd never think she was rabid.

Smiling the man says, “Welcome, everyone!” His voice hushed, like he's afraid he's going to wake us up...

I flop onto a purple sofa, which is facing another couch with a couple people on it, who look confused.

“So let's just get to know each other first,” he says, smiling around at everyone, “I'm Garson, and what we're going to do first is just go around the circle and say are names and three things about yourself when it's your turn.” He clears his throat, “How about we start with Jass,” he says.

Jass smiles, resting her hand on the back of the couch behind me, “I'm Jass,” she nods, confirming to everyone that that was the case, “and three things about me are; I like chocolate, my favourite colour is peach, and I love to sing!”

Who would have thunk it.

It moves clockwise, so next is a girl with white hair and glacier eyes. She states her name – Page – and three things about herself; she enjoys horses, peanut butter and jam sandwiches, and goldfish. Next is a boy with white hair and glacier coloured eyes. His name's Brandon, he likes to snowboard, he likes mange, and his favourite colour is green. Next is my arch enemy, with her white hair and glacier coloured eyes – I'm starting to worry that that's what I look like too. Everyone looks at her, expectantly, but she just stares at her knees, trying to disappear into the sofa.

“It's your turn, sweetie,” Jass says, encouraging her.

“Okay...” my enemy says, “...My name's Riley.”

There's quite a long pause, then Jass says; “What's your favourite food?”

“Pizza,” Riley says.

“And what do you like doing?”

“I don't remember...” she whispers, “they said that was normal.”

Well, that makes sense that we'd all be like that.

“Yes! That's very normal, dear...” Jass says, “especially since they're not your memories to remember. What about chess?”

“I'm sick of beating myself,” Riley said, blandly.

So all we learn about Riley is that she loves pizza, and that they gave her chess... while all I had was the monitor. I hate favouritism. Pretty much the same happens for all of us clones; we don't have anything we like... because we haven't lived yet. When it gets to me, I decide I'm going to just choose some random things.

“My name's Dy,” I say, “I enjoy martial arts. My favourite colour is grey, and I enjoy listening to heavy metal.”

“Corb...” Jass says, her eyebrow raised, “You're suppose to tell the truth.”

“Why can't that be the truth?” I say, “You don't know me.”

“...You're name can't be Die, you're alive.”

“Who said it was 'Die' as in death. It's spelt D-Y,” I say, “But yeah, since death is my first memory, I'm sticking with Dy.”

“We'll talk about this later,” Jass says, smoothing out her jeans, and scowling like she just realized what she was wearing.

The only people to actually have legitimate things that they could say about themselves, were the doctors. Each of the clones seemed to have one. I had Jass, Riley had the guy that had spoken first, Brandon had a guy with glasses and a five o'clock shadow. Mostly they were all boring and seemed to be there just to encourage us to talk about ourselves- which like we mentioned, is quite hard to do when there's nothing to say. But they make us talk anyway.

“How are you doing with everything, Riley?” Jass asks.

Riley shifts uncomfortably, and then says “Fine.”

“How do you feel about what we've told you?”

“...I don't really like it.”

“Oh? What don't you like?”

“It's too quiet,” Riley says.

Don't say that! I think. Next thing you know they'll have karaoke night! Which actually wouldn't be too bad... might be more interesting than this.

“Oh?” Jass says.

Riley's eyebrows scrunch together, and then she says “actually, I changed my mind... it's too loud.”

“Oh? Why is too loud, you think?” Jass asks her.

“Because of all the beeping, and people walking in late at night, and everything.” Riley says.

“Okay, that's great... but how are you feeling?" Jass asks, sighing out of frustration ( remember, I said she has a temper ), "What do you think about being a clone?"

"I think I don't know what to say," Riley replied.

"Fare enough," Jass says, "anyone else want to talk about their feelings?" Her eyes scan the boredom-filled faces. "How about you, Corbin?"

"It's 'Dy'," I say.

"Fine. Answer the question, please."

"I'm doing fantastic," I say, drily, "Just grand."

"Good," Jass says, "anyone else- Wait, dear, how are you handling the news?"

"I'm thinking that it's much more plausible that we're all insane."

"Right. Anyone else?" She asks, "Paige, honey, how are you doing?"

"I love the food!" She says enthusiastically. She actually sounds like she means it, too.

"There is good food here... but how do you feel about being a clone?"

"Well, I feel like I'm not the person that I think I am... and life kind of feels like a lie, and I don't even know why I'm here, and I'm scare... but the food is really great!"

Jass looks shocked for a moment, like she didn't actually think anyone was ever going to talk about their feelings and thoughts.

"That's normal, Paige," she says once she's snapped out of it. "I'm sure you're not alone in those thoughts, is she?"

Riley nods, "Yeah, I feel like I shouldn't be here... like I'm not supposed to be on earth, like I'm a freak, I guess."

"See, Paige, it's not just you,” Jass says, a smile pulling up the corners of her mouth. “You are all going through this together- we're all going through this together.”

This is not what I expected when Jass said I was going to meet some others. I thought that We'd actually be able to talk to one another without having doctors here evaluating our health. What does it take to have a conversation that doesn't have to do with your 'metal state' around here?

“Why don't we play a game?” Jass says, her voice rising to an octave far too high for human ears.

“Well, maybe... what games do you have?” Paige asks.

“What game would you all like to play?”

“Anything besides chess,” Riley says, putting her head in her hands.

“We have what you would have called 'video games' only their interactive.” Jass says.

“What do you mean 'interactive'?” I ask.

“It's basically like a dream, or real life... everything is seen through your eyes, instead of you looking at a screen, the game is your reality.”

“That sounds... dangerous.” Riley says.

“It's completely safe.” Jass says, shrugging.

Liar. I think. I'm not sure why I hate her so much. I think it's because she's so fake. Stop faking that you like us, that you LOVE us. For pity sake, tell me that you hate me too. Just once.

Riley's eyebrow raises, as her sceptical gaze burrows into Jass's soul.

“Can we see it?” She asks.

Jass smiles, “Of course!” she says, getting up and gestures for us to do the same... enthusiastically.So we follow her to to the other end of the lounge, where there's six chairs in a circle, facing towards each other. In the middle of the circle of chairs there's a round table that kind of acts like a coffee table, only it's as smooth as glass, and blacker than Jass's heart. On the table is a plastic y looking box. Jass grabs the box and opens it.

“Take a seat, guys,” She says.

There's this awkward moment where no one wants to be the first to sit, then Riley lets out a short laugh, and hops into one of the chairs. Brandon takes the seat next to Riley, and some how I end up opposite to her. It takes a while for Jass and the other babysitters to get the game organized, fiddling with weird bits of technology. While we're waiting, I glare at Riley for a bit. She's dressed in a purple shirt and puffy skirt to match. The shirt hugs her body in a loose kind of tight, and the sleeves go down well past her wrists. The skirt greatly resembles a tutu, but it doesn't stick out as much. You can tell who's the princess here.

“Are you almost done over there?” Riley asks, trying to look behind herself.

“It'll be just a moment, princess.” Riley's babysitter says. He actually said it.

Looking a little more than slightly annoyed, she settles back into her chair, her eyes fixing on me.

“Why are you here!” she mumbles, and I can't help it, a laugh spits out of my mouth so fast it's like I had planned it.

“Same reason you are, princess.” I say.

I'm never that smart alack-y with girls – except Jass, maybe – and I can't say I like it.

She just narrows her eyes at me. After a while she looks away, and then I make an effort to pay attention to the floor.

“Alright,” Jass says, coming up to me with what looks like zap-straps.

“Wait, you didn't say anything about being confined.” I point out.

Jass's eyes looked like those of a cartoon character's, bulging, pulsing, blood vessels thick as logs...

I wouldn't be surprised if this is my last day to live.

“Just hold still.” she said, surprisingly rather calmly for someone that looked like they were ready to strangle baby bunnies only moments before. “You need the restraints, because, like I said, it's like a dream... we wouldn't want you sleep walking everywhere.”

“Right,” I say, relaxing slightly.

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Sat Mar 14, 2015 4:16 am
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Kale wrote a review...

*insert obligatory "Taste the Rainbow" joke about the title here*

Now that that's out of the way, I haven't read the earlier parts, so if I bring up anything that was covered in them, feel free to disregard it.

There's a lot of little grammar and spelling errors peppered throughout this that were quite distracting as I was reading this through, but since I'm supposed to be reviewing like the wind, I won't be pointing all of them out. The most egregious one is "mange" instead of (I think) "manga". "I like mange" is a very... interesting statement, otherwise.

With that said, I felt like a lot of the physical character descriptions were kind of dumped together, and the description of Jass near the beginning in particular felt like a non-sequitur considering the ellipses making a point of the room being beautiful. I see what you were trying to do there, but it doesn't work out that well with how its currently structured. I'd recommend describing the room, but in terms of what Jass looks like, such as "The wood in the room was unpainted, like Jass's face today." Doing so will convey both the room's description and how Dy is painfully aware of Jass in one go.

Jass, as a character, also doesn't feel like a character. A lot about her personality and actions are told to the reader, straight, and so she feels like a caricature rather than a person trying too hard to be something she's not, which in turn makes Dy's strong feelings towards her feel shallow and poorly formed. Rather than stating that Jass gets angry easily, show how she gets angry at the slightest provocation, and show us how black her heart is through things she does and says. There's a little bit of this, especially near the end, but considering how much more is told to us, it's quite unbalanced.

Riley also suffers a bit from the caricature effect, though not nearly as much as Jass.

Strengthening the portrayals of Jass and Riley as characters would really help strengthen Dy's feelings about them, since we would be able to see the little things that make Dy dislike those two in particular.

Holysocks says...

Thanks Kyll! :3 That all makes a lot of sense. I was wondering about about the supporting characters, so this was really helpful!

Holysocks says...

Also: yeah, as much as I love Skittles... I'm changing the title. >.>
Another YWSer pointed that out as well. XD ( which is why I'm only putting the initials up now )

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Thu Mar 12, 2015 3:42 am
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Querencia wrote a review...

Hi Socks-

I'm going to review this piece although it seems like an impossible task. I really loved your plot and how Dy was being a little rebellious and not doing what the doctored expected of him.

I just caught a few little errors, you did really great with that! In the sentence "...accept to one end there's a small group of four individuals..." I think you meant to use "except" instead of "accept".

Also, with "Then there seems to be couches on top of other couches... like, kin of how bunk beds are...?" there is no "d" on the end of "kind".

Last, you spelled "Paige" as "Page" when you first introduced her to the story. I'm not sure which you were planning to use, but it needs to be consistent.

I thought it was so cool how you repeated the phrase "White hair and glacier coloured eyes", it had a great effect on the story.

I can't wait to read more!


Holysocks says...

:3 Thanks!

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Fri Feb 27, 2015 5:40 pm
gcon says...

the start of the charterer build is incredibly complex for the amount of space used. I was wondering if this would eventually be part of a series.if you were not planning to i think you should. from reading this book i can see that you a have a good imagination and i didn't find any errors.

Holysocks says...

Why thank you very much! :-P

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Thu Feb 26, 2015 9:10 pm
resonance says...

The concept of a support-group for clones is absolutely fantastic! And the presence of the "doctors" makes me think that there has to be a full-sized sci-fy story beyond this chapter. Please tell me that you have a developing story with societal/global conflict in which the existence of the clones is either the alleged solution to the conflict or the conflict itself! I love the tone/ attitude of your main protagonist: "Dy;" if this were a full-length novel I could foresee myself becoming attached to his rather brooding, sardonic personality. Hope you keep writing! And good luck!

Holysocks says...

Thank you for your kind words! I have a plan for the clones, yes. ;)

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Points: 266
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Thu Feb 26, 2015 9:10 pm
resonance says...

The concept of a support-group for clones is absolutely fantastic! And the presence of the "doctors" makes me think that there has to be a full-sized sci-fy story beyond this chapter. Please tell me that you have a developing story with societal/global conflict in which the existence of the clones is either the alleged solution to the conflict or the conflict itself! I love the tone/ attitude of your main protagonist: "Dy;" if this were a full-length novel I could foresee myself becoming attached to his rather brooding, sardonic personality. Hope you keep writing! And good luck!

I tell the neophyte: Write a million words–the absolute best you can write, then throw it all away and bravely turn your back on what you have written. At that point, you’re ready to begin.
— David Eddings