Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.
“You little ungrateful bitch. Hear you have a good human, like a legit good human trying to die for you and how do you repay him??? By putting yourself in danger again? I tell you the truth you got to be the dumbest. But that’s okay I will kill you after I kill him.” Satan Jr disclosed.
Reload eyes filled with tears as she looked at Saint Peter. “Please someone save him.” She thought.
Right then and there an Arrow came through and hit Omanga on the right side of his neck. Omanga cried out in pain and released Saint Peter. Then in the lightest part of the dark forest a white horse came dancing through the woods.
The horse then jumped a befallen tree and a man dress in all white armor pulled out a medieval knight dagger and swung at Satan Jr.
Satan Jr. was able to dodge the attack but still go cut across his left shoulder blade.
He slid back and looked and seen that he was surrounded by knights.
“This is the forever knights
core and you are trust passing on secrete ground. We made a deal with you
demands and you’ll disobeyed direct orders therefore you’ll punishment shall be
death.”
“Oh yeah, and who the hell is
going to kill me?” Satan Jr. mocked.
“Me, Donnie Donville, new captain of the forever nights, and my elite core team will smite you where you stand.” The man in all white Armor preached. His horse put its front to legs up and gave out a furious Neigh before charging at Satan Jr.
Satan Jr. smiled and said “Yes this should be fun. I will kill all of you then that Saint and then finally my sister!”
He dodged the man on the horse and snapped his fingers and summoned black flames to his hands.
“Omanga, it’s time for us to put these damned humans in their place.” Satan Jr. said excitedly.
“Yes master lets show them the true meaning of hell on earth.” Omanga sang as he crept up behind one of the forever knights. He then wrapped his body around the knight and squeezed until the knights spinal cord broke in half. Omanga then opened his mouth wide and swallowed the knight whole.
“Mhmm….tasty.” Omanga hissed.
While the knights and Satan Jr., and Omanga fought Saint Peter battle to his spear and then forced his way over to Reload. He fell in her lap and was breathing heavy.
“Oh my goodness, Peter is you okay?” Reload ask as she rubbed the back of his head.
“Yeah I’m fine.” Saint Peter moaned as he rolled over to his back.
Reload just looked at him. As her eyes began to water Saint Peter laughed.
“Hey, hey, hey now…why shed a tear for little ol’ Thadeus Zenthffeer.”
She looked at Saint Peter with a puzzling look on her face.
He smiled and said, “Consider yourself lucky….not a lot of people know my real name……and even fewer demons know it.”
She smiled back and laughed while tears came down her face. “I will protect you. Reload announced unto the beaten up saint.
“That sounds lovely.” Saint Peter answered back.
“Well now just when I thought you couldn’t get any lower.” A woman’s voice said in a disgusting tone.
Saint Peter sat up quickly to meet eyes with the woman who just spoke. She was about 5 foot even with short red hair. She had little lips and she also had red freckles. Her eyes where dark green and body type was athletic.
“Elizabeth.” Saint Peter mumbled.
The woman Elizabeth had a bow with two arrows pointing at both Reload and Saint Peter. Saint Peter reached for his spear when….
“If you touch it I kill you and the demon where y’all stand.” Elizabeth said.
“Tsk, please save the horse shit……you were going to shoot anyway because that is what you are order to do by you your new captain. Which I don’t blame him…I mean if I am dead he wouldn’t have to worry about me no more and he could have you all to himself.” Saint Peter pointed out.
“How dare you come at the integrity of my captain, my new husband when it is you who is showing the most disloyalty floating and flirting about with this bewitched jezebel?” Elizabeth challenged Saint Peter first remark.
Reload said nothing but thought to herself. “Father I can feel these two pain, and hatred towards each other. But under that I can also feel their love for each other…… father what would you do in this situation. “
Sweat dripped down Saint Peter face as never took his eyes off Elizabeth. “If I go for the spear she shoots but if I don’t she still might shoot. I don’t have the necessary strength to fight her here. Damn it I could call Metallica but no tellin if she would get here in time. Donnie is over there right now playing with our new found friends so I could fight Elizabeth in my current stage and hold her off long enough for Metallica to get here but that would work only if me and Elizabeth fight only…..if anyone else hops in then it’s game over…”
Saint Peter then cracked a smile.
Elizabeth looked at him angrily and said “I don’t know why you are smiling but allow me to change that for you.” She then shot off 20 arrows in 42 seconds. Saint Peter quickly grabbed his spear but he had already got hit by 10 arrows. Luckily for him none was fatal. But they were however powerful blows. He had 1 arrow in each leg, 1 in each foot, 2 in both arms and 2 piercing threw his torso. Coughed up blood but was still smiling.
“What’s a matter Elizabeth….lose your edge at the last second.” He mocked.
Elizabeth then grabbed another arrow. “Don’t play with me Thaddeus……I can kill you.”
“But you won’t……even though you will not admit it I can still feel your heart yearning for my love.” Saint Peter answered right back.
Elizabeth stopped dead cold in tracks hesitating to take the shot. Saint Peter than took two finger and put them to his mouth as he made the whistling sound. A loud and furious roar ripped through the sky as all fighting cease on the ground. Even Satan Jr. and his pet snake Omanga had a look of fear on their face.
“Wow she is closer than I thought.” Saint Peter stated.
“Wh-what was that?” Reload managed to ask.
“It’s our way out.” Saint Peter said. He looked around to see all eyes were focus on him. “This is what I feared. I knew all attention would come on me. Ol’ well Thaddeus no one ever said doing the right thing would be easy…..After all you are the Descended of the great and Real Saint Peter, and long with being the grandson of one of the world’s greatest swordsman, Cuno.” He thought to himself.
He smiled again and asked “You all do realize Metallica is coming right?? So tell me why have ya’ll not made ya’ll move yet? Or shall I do the first?”
Another roar ripped through the sky as the knights began to panic.
“Hold fast unto your unchanging courage and your unwavering devotion for true justice. For Metallica is nothing but a snake with wings. A flying serpent, no better than the ugly creature before us with his master.” Donnie protested.
“You have some balls to talk about my snake……he has twice the man power you even wish your army had, and that just him while playing. Oh we haven’t even showed you the true horror yet.” Satan Jr. smiled.
Donnie smiled back and said “So I guess this is where the real nightmare begins.”
Omanga lift its head and stuck his tongue out a couple of times before speaking. “Boss I think it’s time to go.”
“Come now Omanga, we can kill these insects without any problem. Don’t tell me this little man has struck fear into the heart of a creature that loves to strike fear into others?” Satan Jr. said cutting his eyes back at his demon pet.
“No, not even in the least my lord. But there is something I heard that did strike fear into me.” Omanga replied back.
“Well what is it??” Satan Jr. asked.
“I hear horns.” Omanga replied back.
Satan Jr. then turned and was quiet for a moment. He then turned back and focused on Donnie who was smiling. “That was Gabriel’s Horn?” Satan Jr. asked quizzically.
“Yes, our father’s two most precious angels are here to reap not just your soul but that trader over there as well.” Donnie Donville said as he pointed to Saint Peter.
Saint Peter then smiled and asked “Well Don my boy, who do you believe will get here first?”
“It doesn’t matter……Even if your flying serpent is to beat two angels who are by the way using the spell God’s speed, then I will tie that repulsive creature myself.” Donnie said as slobber dripped from his lips.
“Oh yeah and how are you going to do that if you are dead before either my dragon or your saving angels get here???” Saint Peter asked as he smiled with confidence. The wind started to pick up and swirl around the tip of Saint Peter spear. Reload then got up and stood beside the Saint.
“Reload why-““Look, you think you can just lay your life on the line for me and I watch helplessly from the side line…… I am a lot stronger than you obviously remember. Last time I check I gave you a couple of those lumps and bruise on that pretty body of yours.” Reload said as she cut the Saint off.
“So you did.” Saint Peter said back.
“Well now this should be fun……a race against the clock to kill A warrior leader, a demon, and a Buddha Bladder before a mythical creature and two of only 9, which by the way I am also one of the nine, class A beings get here.”
“Master are we really about to take this risk. I mean dealing with these small fries are nothing, I am not even worried about the dragon, but I am however scared of Gabriel and Michel.
“Please they are level A beings like me. Our power levels are almost the same. However if I can get that Buddha blade….” “Then you will surpass them.” Omanga claimed as he finished Satan Jr. statement.
“Exactly.” Satan Jr. smiled.
“If you think I am going to hand over my spear without a fight then you truly do not know what you are dealing with.” Saint Peter answered back.
“Hey you two seem to be arguing for no reason……You see Saint Peter, this fowl demon will not get your spear because he and you will die here and I, Donnie Donville will present your spear to Master Michel and Sir Gabriel as a token of gratitude…..along with you two heads as a bonus gift. Hopefully then I will ascend and become an angel knight and protect my fellow human beings from treacherous snakes like you two that hides in our gardens.”
Satan Jr. smiled and said “Thank you for that flattering comment.”
While Saint Peter chuckled. “But won’t it you who told the king he could trust Satan?”
“Only to lure Satan out into a trap. I knew they would be after you Saint and your awesome power. That way hell would have two Buddha blades in there possession. You of all people though should have known that and been planning a counter attack on the enemy instead of fooling about with one of his spawn.” Captain Donville exclaimed.
“Hey what can I say she does things for me that no mortal woman can do.” Saint Peter laughed.
After Saint Peter statement Elizabeth blush as her face instantly bald up and her hand close tightly around her bow. “Ima kill him.” She thought to herself as her eyes began to water.
“Is that so……how disgusting of you. I knew you fell off but not this far down to the point of no return……and here I thought maybe there would be some type of redemption for. Maybe you could come back to the castle and restore at least some of your horror, but I see now that there isn’t a chance hell.” Captain Donville said.
“Tsk, please. Save me your ignorant tongue of speech. You think that I am really that dumbfounded not to know that the whole time you and the king never cared about me. You two only want me back because ya’ll fear the power I possess. And now I hear that Gabriel and Michel are on their way to also come try to come take my power away from me as well. It makes me feel like our god we serve is no different from the Satan we fear.” Saint Peter said back.
“Try, my dear boy they will take that power from you.” Captain Donville said with reinsurance.
“Yeah over my dead body.” Saint Peter grunted.
“Well that will happen soon enough.” Captain Donville promised as he looked around. “Oh my, look at this you all have just one partner while I have a whole army. This isn’t fair and just won’t do……so I tell you what.” Captain Donville continued as he snapped his fingers.
The forever knights instantly snapped into attention. “Sir, yes, sir.” They all said in unison.
“None of you will interfere with this fight. Only I and one of you I select will fight these worms and make them beg for us to allow them to crawl back into the whole in the ground that they manifest from. Is that understood?” Captain Donville asked.
“Sir, yes, sir!” The Forever knights yelled.
Captain Donville then looked around and turned back around to Saint Peter, Reload, Omanga, and Satan Jr. He then spoke, “Elizabeth.”
“Sir!” Elizabeth said as she snapped into attention.
“You will be my partner in this fight.” Captain Donville announced. Elizabeth then walked up beside him.
“Are you sure you want your army to stay out of this fight? I mean at the very least you could have picked a better partner than a second rate at best archer.” Satan Jr. teased.
“See that comment you made just showed how dumb and ignorant you are. She is probably the best archer on that team and then on top of that her hand to hand combat isn’t bad either. She is the complete package for a warrior and comes second to none except for one man.” Saint peter answered back.
“Please, I need no praise from a demon lover such as you.” Elizabeth said angrily.
“Praise???? Oh no my dear sweet Elizabeth I wasn’t giving you praise. I was just stating facts. For you see the man you always come in second to is me.” Saint Peter said. He then grew a cocky smile on his face.
“Is that right?” Elizabeth asked as she drew an arrow from out the basket that was on her back.
“Yes, you see as I last recalled it I beat you at any and everything….including archery practice.” Saint Peter responded back with cockiness.
“Well then allow me to set the record straight for you this time. I will prove that your wins where nothing but sheer miracles and since you obviously not with god anymore then you can’t possibly beat me.” Elizabeth mocked back.
Right then Captain Donville put his hand on his on the hilt of his blade when Saint Peter came charging at full speed. Elizabeth shot off a couple of arrows but Saint Peter dodged her attack with ease. As He ran pass them he opened up his palm. Captain Donville tackled Elizabeth to the ground as a high pressured wind shot over their head. Saint Peter continued on as he charged at Satan Jr. and his snake.
Omanga then charged at Saint Peter. “You die here!” He his loudly as he lunged his body at the Saint. But the Saint jumped in mid-air over the striking Omanga. Omanga though quickly changed his position and began to lunge up to the sky when two needles came and stabbed him in his neck. He hissed in horrific pain.
He then turned to Reload and stuck his tongue out.
“You are now my opponent Omanga.” Reload said as she pulled out two more needles.
While that was happening saint Peter was falling out the air. He drew his spear back as far as he could. He then lunged his spear forward. Satan Jr. dodged Saint Peter attack as his Spear piece the ground violently. Satan Jr. then summoned a black fireball to his hand and threw it. Saint Peter then kicked the spear up and out the ground and giant dirt ball flew up and blocked the attack of Satan Jr.
As debris fell Satan Jr. looked about and tried to relocate Saint Peter.
“Now where the hell did that saint go?” He thought as he looked around.
He happen to cut his eyes to the left and was able to duck Saint Peters first attack, but then Saint Peter let his Spear go with his right hand and caught it with his left hand. (This allowed him to swing the spear backwards as a second quick strike.)
“Metallic winds!” Saint Peter yelled as he swung his spear. Satan Jr. jumped back to dodge the spear head and slid back on his heels.
“That was a close one but your attack missed.” Satan Jr. Bragged.
“Are you sure I missed?” Saint Peter asked cocky.
Right then a cut above Satan Jr. forearm and a cut on his cheek appeared.
“But how?” He thought to himself as he looked at the cuts on his forearms. He had a puzzling look on his face.
“You look confuse so let me explain. My Spear has a move known as Metallic winds. This attack relies on air.” Saint Peter explained.
“Air? But the air Buddha bladder has already been dealt with. Anavarata or more known as the Demon reaper died by our hands. “Are you the student of the reaper which he told us about?” Satan Jr. asked.
“No I never met the Demon reaper however I heard many stories about him…..my grandfather seemed not to like him. He was very bull headed and always rushed straight to action without thinking.” Saint Peter answered.
“That still doesn’t explain how you use the air to fight when you are not the wind Buddha bladder.” Satan Jr. said.
“Well my attack in itself is nothing but small sharp thin pieces of metal that I release into the air. Depending on how fast the air current is when I use this attack dictates how deadly the attack will be.”
“Air current??? But when you attacked me there was no air current.” Satan Jr. said.
“Are you sure? Last I check when I swung my blade I was able to create a small current which enable my attack.” Saint Peter explained.
Satan Jr. looked for a moment and then smiled an evil smile. “This is fantastic. If he is able to cause this much pain from winds he creates with his blade then I can only imagine the damage when it’s a small breeze or a furious windy day. That kind of power will give me all the power I would need to kick my human loving father off the thrown and eradicate Nirvana and Heaven. With that weapon I can become god.” Satan Jr. thought to himself as he burst into an uncontrollable laughter.
“I am glad you find all this funny. At least now we can say you died with a smile on your face.” Saint Peter said as he charged at Satan Jr.
“No my friend it is you who will die here and now.” Satan Jr. Retaliated back as he began to charge at Saint Peter.
Reload dodge a lunging attack from Omanga when she looked up and see the treetops moving back and forth.
“No! She yelled out as she took off towards Saint Peter and her brother. But she was too late. Blood splatter all the ground and on her face. She looked in horror and terror.
Her brother hand caught by another beings hand and saint Peter stabbed by the other being that was accompanying the being that had her brother’s hand.
“Well now this ended quicker than anticipated.” The one being who was holding Satan Jr. hand disclosed.
Stung by fear Satan Jr. couldn’t do nothing but look like a helpless deer caught in the headlights of this being golden glow.
He swallowed hard and whispered “Sir Gabriel.” The being smiled as he gentle applied pressure to Satan Jr. risk.
“SNAP!” “Owe! OH MY FUCKING Hand!” Satan Jr. screamed out.
“Oops, did I break your risk; I tend not to even know my own strength anymore.” Sir Gabriel laughed. He then released Satan Jr.’s hand.
Omanga quickly made his way towards his master. That’s when the other being that was with Gabriel took his blade out of Saint Peter’s chess and pointed at Omanga.
“Angelic magic, golden piercing blade.” The other being commanded as the blade shot out a golden ray that pierce the snake and held him to the nearby bolder.
Saint Peter body just dropped to the ground. Elizabeth just looked at the lifeless body of Saint Peter and mumbled, “Thaddeus.”
Captain Donville picked himself up and off the ground and walked over to the other being.
“Master Michel how are thee?” He asked as he put his hand over his chess and knelt before the being.
“I am doing just wonderful.” Master Michel boasted as his body began to glow tremendously.
“Sir may I say you certainly look it.” Captain Donville agreed.
Reload quickly ran over and slid beside Saint Peter. “Saint Peter don’t die okay. Everything will be alright.” She cried as she wiped blood from his mouth. She then put her hand over the hole in his chess and her body began to glow white.
Master Michel turned around to her and looked at her.
“Well brother look at that it looks like this is the third oldest of our older brother Lucifer child. What is her name again? Rachel Recall, Rochelle?” Gabriel mocked.
“You are Reload, also known as the soul demon. You have the ability to bind a soul to an area and also have the ability to fix soul chains. You are the reason why demons can take over human bodies because you can link the two chains together. I will say your ability is very good however I think this operation is a bit out of you reach. For you see you cannot heal his soul without this piece of his soul chain.” Master Michel proclaimed as he held the chain in his right hand proud fully.
Reload looked up and demanded for the piece of chain back.
“And If I don’t?” Master Michel asked.
“Then I take it by force.” Reload raged as she got up quickly and attacked Master Michel.
She pulled out two needles and began to fight Master Michel at High speed. Their bodies where just a blur to the normal naked eye as they continuously moved about. A couple seconds later you see Reload sliding back on her heels breathing extremely hard. Master Michel had a cocky smile on his face as he just looked at the worn out Reload.
“This is silly. Reload you cannot keep up with me as of now and I haven’t even used god speed yet. How about you and your brother go back to Gahanna where ya’ll belong?” Master Michel asked as he snapped his fingers. Omanga was then released by the ray and slithered his poor banged up body over to his master.
“Satan Jr. I think we should go and call this one a lost.”
Satan Jr. looked at Gabriel with eyes of hatred. “This isn’t over.” He grumbled as him and Omanga left the scene.
“Well that is one gone…” Sir Gabriel laughed.
“Well Reload?” Master Michel asked.
“Well what?” Reload grunted back. She then pulled out some more needles.
“You can’t be serious?” Master Michel asked.
“Just as serious as I will ever be.” Reload answered.
Master Michel took a deep breath and said “Fine. But before I kill you let me ask you something first. Why are you willing to die for this human? I thought all demons hate humans.”
Reload smile and noted “You know of my power but not of its origin huh? How Ironic, maybe that is why the human race hate us cause even there massagers don’t understand. I am Reload, third child of Satan and the only daughter he has. I was given his white flame. The symbol of life. I love all living things including humans and angels because that is simply how my father made me. Just like I will die for this human, I would die the same way for an angel or a demon for I feel there is no such thing as an insignificant life.”
“Is that so, well then I hope you die with that resolve in your heart.” Master Michel debated as he put both hands on the hilt of his blade.
Reload right then and there charged at Master Michel with everything she had left in the tank. She attacked repeatedly and restlessly. Trying her best not to leave an open attack for Master Michel but at the same time looking for her opening on him to deliver a devastating blow. After a while though you could see reload getting tired and sloppy. She went to got swing when Master Michel smiled. He parried her attack and was coming with a fatal blow but reload reaction time was so key and so good she was able to dodge that fatal blow and turn it into a minor blow that cut her cross her waste. She yelled out in pain as she slid backwards. She was still able to throw a needle that shot past Master Michel face and pierce the tree. The needle then began to glow white.
Master Michel shook his head. “You have got to be the craziest girl I have met. You risk almost getting killed just to bind my right hand to this tree.”
Reload was holding her sigh breathing even harder now.
“Reload.” A cracked whisper called she looked down at Saint Peter.
“Don’t talk save your strength. You are going to need it.” Reload fretted.
“Reload listen to me, I am going to die here but Metallica is on her way here. I want you to get on her back and get as far away from this place as you can.” Saint Peter told her.
He looked into her big white eyes as she began to tear up. She shook her head. “No, I won’t leave you. Not like this. You out of all the humans I have met looked at me as not just a demon. It’s not fair.”
“Reload if you stay you will die.” Saint Peter explained.
“No, I can save you and me, just give me time to-““To do what Reload? Even by some miracle you can get that soul chain from Master Michel you still have both Sir Gabriel and Captain Donville to worry about. And I can sense that you are beyond worn out.” Saint Peter said.
Tears began to run down Reload face. “Is there nothing I can do?” She asked.
“Live. Live on a keep proven that there are demons out in this world who wants to do good if given the chance.” Saint Peter answered.
That’s when a furious roar ripped the sky as the giant metal dragon landed. She roared again to worn those who opposed her to back off.
“Metallica stop acting in a savage way. You have the ability to talk so use your words.” Saint Peter smiled.
The dragon then looked down and spoke. “Look at you. They done ripped your body to shreds. For that I will kill every last being here.”
“No you shall not. You have only one mission and one mission only. That is to get this demon girl back home.” Saint Peter said as he coughed up more blood.
“And what about you?” Metallica asked.
“What about me?” Saint Peter asked back. He looked around at the two angels and spoke once more. “I think as long as you leave me here these two will not give you chase.”
“So you want me to leave you here?” Metallic asked angrily.
“Yes……and don’t look back.” Saint Peter said as his head fell back and his eyes then closed.
Metallica then roared a sad roar as she wrapped her tail around Reload and took off running.
“No!” Reload yelled as she stuck her hand out to try and reach Saint Peter. But Metallica just kept going as she flapped her giant metal wings and flew into the dark gloomy sky.
………Three days later………
“Mmhhhm!” Reload stretched as she woke up in her bed.
“So you finally awoken from your sleep huh?” Igtytous asked as he jumped down from a rock that was in Reloads room.
“How long I was out?” She asked her older brother.
“Three days.” He replied back.
Reload tried to get up and out of bed when she groaned in pain as she grabbed her side.
“Aye easy, you still recovering from that nasty beating you took from Michel.” Igtytous said as he laid his sister back down.
Her eyes began to water as she covered her face.
“Is he……” Igtytous looked away for a few seconds before he took a deep breath.
“Here, Metallica gave me this for you to have. She said she believes the Saint would want you to have this.” Igtytous said as he pulled out a medallion necklace.
She grabbed it a balled up into a little ball and began to crying hysterically. Igtytous went to go touch his sister and hold her to comfort her when a demon knight came and interrupted.
“Sir! Your older brother Satan Jr. has been spotted and is on his way here.” The demon reported.
Igtytous nodded and began to walk out behind the demon Knight. He stopped at the door and said “I am going to save that Saint soul before it gets fed to Caeli Anima Eater. But I have to go a deal with our older brother. I do not appreciate the fact he tried to kill you and he will have to answer for that……and that is a fact.”
He then closed the door as he followed the demon knight to the main gate of Gehenna. Omanga was slithering up with Satan Jr. on his back. He once stopped when he seen all the knights standing there with their weapons in their hand.
Satan Jr. gave a little chuckle and said angrily, “either yawls are so happy that I am back home; or yawl are the dumbest group of demons I have seen trying to stop me from entering home. Either case please move or I will start killing.”
“You don’t have a home here anymore Jr.” A voice cried out from the crowd of demons.
Satan Jr. raised eyebrows and looked around till he seen his brother Igtytous jumped down out the crowd onto the path that Omanga and Satan Jr. was on.
“Tsk, I thought that was an unimportant voice I heard.” Satan Jr. smiled.
“I see no reason to smile brother.” Igtytous said as he folded his arms.
Satan Jr. smile quickly faded as he spoke. “Look little brother this was entertaining for the moment but now you are just irritating me. Now if you need me I will be in my room.”
Satan Jr. continued to walk pass his brother when a red fireball shot pass his face and smacked into the bolder.
Satan Jr. snapped his fingers and black flames consumed his body as he threw a black fireball at Igtytous. The black flames covered Igtytous body. All the demon knights gasp as they all thought that Igtytous had died. Satan Jr. smirked and began to walk back towards the gate.
“It’s a bit early to believe you won isn’t it?” Vangoe asked.
“Oh please not you to Master Vangoe. I would hate to kill the only being in Gahanna that I really do like.” Satan Jr. grinned.
“Oh no worries I am not going to fight you but you might………well just get ready to embrace yourself.” Vangoe said.
“For what?” Satan Jr. asked. That’s when a red fireball smacked him in the back.
“For that.” Vangoe smartly remarked.
Satan Jr. got up and looked at Igtytous. “His red flames were able to consume my black flames????” Satan Jr. then broke into ceaseless laughter. “Well now someone has been training very diligently.” Satan Jr. proclaimed.
Igtytous flames then disappeared from around his body. “You haven’t seen anything yet.”
Satan Jr. cracked his neck and looked Igtytous in his bright red eyes. Satan Jr. still had a cock smirk on his face.
“Ooo, it looks like Igtytous have gotten stronger.” Azulo affirmed.
“Yes but he still is no match for his older brother.” Bez Wyrazu declared.
Azulo chuckled and pronounced, “Ooo, Bez you never got faith in the underdog……I think that is why I am so drawn to you, you sexy lug you.” Azulo blew a kiss at Bez who just smiled and looked forward to the fight.
Vangoe than appeared in front of the two. “Vangoe…… Bez here is not a believer of Igtytous and is quite sure he will lose this fight. What are your intakes on this fight?”
“Well hands down Satan Jr. is the most gifted out of all of them but……I have seen raw talent get beaten by sheer determination.” Vangoe answered.
“Ooo does that mean your vote goes to the underdog Igtytous?” Azulo asked.
“I won’t say what my vote goes to but Satan Jr. is a fool if he thinks that Igtytous haven’t gotten stronger. Jr. will have to come with more than his usual parlor tricks.
The two, Igtytous and Satan Jr. stared at each other. Igtytous had a more serious look on his face while Satan Jr. kept his cocky smirk.
“So do you make the first move or do I?” Satan Jr. asked as he closed his eyes. “Look I know you may feel like you have no Idea on how to beat me but please little brother try to make this more entertaining then-“ Satan Jr. began to say as he open his eyes, but had to stop for Igtytous was already in front of him and was about to draw his blade. Satan Jr. then leaped in the air to get out of range of Igtytous blade but then one of Igtytous’s tails shot out of the ground and grabbed Satan Jr. out the air. “What an attack from behind?” He thought as Igtytous’s tail wrapped around his body and brought him back to the ground hard. Igtytous then leaped in the air a shot a couple of fireballs down to where his brother was.
When Igtytous landed on his feet he did not look back. He just spoke, “Aye Satan Jr. if I was you I would send Omanga back to his world and heal……I know those fireballs damn near burn the skin off of him.”
Omanga then slither out in pain. “You mother fucker……I will kill you right hear and-“ That’s when a hand stuck up in front of Omanga’s face and then Satan Jr. spoke. “Omanga I am going to release you and send you back to your world.”
“But why master?” Omanga asked.
“Because you are useless to me in your current condition and when you are gone then I won’t have to expand my magic to keep your gate open. I know now I will need all my demonic magic to when this fight.” Satan Jr. explained to Omanga.
Omanga nodded and then disappeared.
“Does this mean you are done playing and is ready to get serious?” Igtytous asked still with his back turned.
Satan Jr. just took off at full speed and summoned black fire to his hands as he took off to attack Igtytous. He began to swing yet Igtytous never turn around to see the attack but still dodged his brother attack.
“I thought you were getting serious?” Igtytous asked.
Furious now Satan Jr. began to swing violently and fast. Igtytous though never turning around to his brother was dodging his every attack.
Satan Jr. then jumped back and yelled, “Damn you!” As he made a super big black fireball and threw it at his brother. As the black fireball came towards Igtytous both Azulo and Bez stood up.
“Vangoe, Igtytous is going to die unless he turns and dodge that attack.” Azulo shouted.
Vangoe started to go to Igtytous aide when his eyes connected with Igtytous’s eyes. Vangoe then fell back.
“Vangoe!?” Azulo questioned as he could not believe Vangoe wouldn’t go and intervene.
Igtytous then closed his eyes. He then began to think back to time when he first started training in the human world.
“Hey! Untie me! Do you not know who I am?!” Younger Igtytous vaunted.
“Shut the hell up. You saying this like we care.” The Demon reaper replied back.
“Come on Anavarata, he is just a child.” Cunradus objected.
“No all he is, is a demon spawn of Satan. I think we need to put him down now.” Anavarata protested.
“No one will touch this child as long as he is in my house.” An old man answered back.
“Tsk, of course the demon lover would step in to save the son of Satan.” Anavarata said as he smacked his lips.
“Anavarata we all are friends and are the strongest of the rest of the Buddha Bladders. If we fall apart then how do we aspect the other two younger Buddha bladders to turn out.” Cunradus asked.
“Fuck you mean friends? I can’t stand you or your demon loving best friend. I don’t care about nothing but getting stronger….I do not believe that a demon supposed to team up with Jesus, hell I don’t even believe in Jesus, all I believe in is the power I was given by Whisper and my job is to eliminate any and everything that threatens human existence. Weather its humans, angles, or demons.” Anavarata said as he pointed at the young Igtytous.
“Look Anavarata is not thinking rational so Cunradus please take him out of here while I talk to this demon child.”
“Yes of course Pharaoh.” Cunradus said as he put his hand on Anavarta shoulder.
Anavarta snatched away and just looked a Pharaoh for a moment. Pharaoh just smiled at Anvarata.
“I really don’t like you.” Anavarta said as he mean mugged Pharaoh.
“Good……I wouldn’t even have it another way.” Pharaoh said as he pointed to the door.
Anavarta and Cunradus left. Pharaoh looked at the demon child and started to part his lips when….”Look my father will send Vangoe to come and look for me and when he come and find me he will make you sorry.” The young Igtytous said.
“Is that so? Vangoe, the being you mention….he was the big black one right??? Is he like yawl handler?” Pharaoh asked.
“Yes he is our teacher and protector. He is the strongest out of the reaper core.” Young Igtytous said.
“Strongest huh? That means he was the one who left the mark on the demon reaper arm when he was a child……interesting.” Pharaoh said as he stroked his chin.
“Hey are you going to let me down?” Young Igtytous asked as he squirmed about trying to get free.
Pharaoh then pulled out his blade and swung it quickly. Young Igtytous hit the ground hard face first.
He got up crying holding his face. “Oweee!” Young Igtytous cried.
Pharaoh then summoned a red flame in his hand and then touched young Igtytous face. The pain then faded and the young Igtytous stopped crying. “Better?” Pharaoh asked.
“Yea, but how was your able to summon fire? Are you a demon?” Young Igtytous asked. “Heavens no. Although here lately I have been label as such.” Pharaoh said. He looked the young demon over and noticed he had red horns and tails. “So can you summon fire young demon?”
“No, which makes me useless in the field……the only reason I get to go on missions is because I am the son of Satan.” Young Igtytous said disappoint.
“Useless?” Pharaoh asked.
“Yeah, I mean all my siblings can use there flames. I mean I am supposed to be the second to the strongest. I am the second to the strongest and yet I can’t even beat my youngest sibling Explosior. Who am I kidding? Master Vangoe is probably happy I am gone. My father is probably relieved that his greatest failure is gone.” Young Igtytous said as a tear fell from his right eye.
Pharaoh looked at the young demon and picked his head up. “There is no such thing as useless……I believe that you only feel useless because no one have found use for you. Besides you had to have some type of power to be able to see through my fire illusion. So I will make you, your father, and your teacher all see that you are the most important being here. From here on out you is my student. Now before we commence your training I just need you to remember one word and one word only.”
Igtytous then open his eyes and said “Now start a fire, Kasai no bagu.” His tail then sent the blade flying into the air as red flames shot out of the sheath uncontrolingly as the began to swirl around Igtytous. The giant black fireball then connected with Igtytous and Azulo and Bez got up.
“Well I guess it’s over. Come on Bez I could use your big strong hands to help loosen up my back. I know how you like the fact I am flexible.” Bez and Azulo began to leave when Vangoe spoke.
“Well I will be damned. He has done it. He has reached level two.”
Azulo and Bez both turned around and seen the red flames disappear from around Igtytous. He had one red horn and 1 red tail with giant red wings. He was holding the giant black fireball with one hand as he put his other hand to his mouth. He held two fingers up as he spoke.
“Demonic arte, fire phoenix attack.” He then blew on the two fingers and the red flames took on the form of a Phoenix and ripped through the giant black fireball and hit Satan Jr. Satan Jr. Screamed in pain as the flame hit his body. Once the flames disappeared so did Satan Jr. Igtytous never turned around as he ducked a fist that came across his head and caught his sword. He then stabbed backwards and fell blood land on his shoulder. He looked back and seen Satan Jr. with burned marks all over him as blood fell from his mouth. Igtytous then pulled his blade out of Satan Jr. and stood up. He then put the blade to his brother neck.
Satan Jr. just smiled and said. “Do it. Show me that you are that monster that all beings should fear.”
Igtytous just looked at his bother and then he sheathed his blade and began to walk away.
“What you don’t have the balls to kill me?!” Satan Jr. shouted.
“Nintai-ryoku.” Igtytous said.
“What?” Satan Jr. asked.
“It means Perseverance. I do not have to kill you for you will never be able to be a threat to me or anyone else as long as I have this he said as he looked off to the right. He seen Pharaoh spirit standing there smiling nodding. He then closed his eyes and remembered to what Pharaoh told him.
“You only need to know one word and one word only.”
Igtytous then open his eyes and smiled while walking back to the gate. “I banish you to the dark forest brother. I do not want to see you around here anymore.”
“Wait no; I won’t make it in the dark forest. You know that that’s the home of King Titian’s kids and followers.” Satan Jr. said.
“So?” Igtytous asked as shrugged his shoulders.
“You might as well kill me, because I will be public enemy number 1 when I enter that forest.” Satan Jr. pleaded.
“Your problem not mines.” Igtytous said as he walked through the gate.
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Hey there. Here for a review on this.
I kind of echo what other people have said - it kind of bothers me how skewed of an interpretation this is of the Bible, how much of a "mix and match" thing it seems to be. It's definitely not something I would read in general. Something to keep in mind is that this is likely to alienate a large portion of the population - aka basically everyone who is Christian. Some will get angry, really angry. I think most, like me, won't get that angry, but they still won't want to read it because blasphemy like this makes them uncomfortable. It's like reading a book that slanders your best friend as a joke.
In general, I'm just really not sure I would recommend mixing and matching the Greek mythology and the Christian beliefs. They just don't go together at all, and since you haven't really explained how any of this works it just winds up being very confusing.
And that's the other thing. I really can't follow the plot or the action. Since you're mixing and matching mythology here, no one can really tell what the rules are - what the different characters can do and what their strengths and limitations are. You need to establish that sort of thing so the readers can understand what is going on, who is winning, and who they should be "rooting for."
Your other main issue is that this is full of typos of every kind. Grammar, spelling, just plain using the wrong word. It needs a couple of good proofreads. If you're having a hard time catching those small errors, read your piece out loud. It forces you to pay attention to each and every word, and if it sounds weird sometimes, you know you've done something wrong.
Anyway, that's all I've got time for today. I wish you the best of luck with your writing endeavors!
Hello!
Stegosaurus here for a review!
First thing first, most chapters have a title to grab the reader into reading their novel. They don't just assume that your novel is about satanic children saving the day (which is a clever idea, I must say).
I did, however, enjoy reading this as it had the classic action/ adventure. Yet, the action and adventure part of this novel, seemed loose and dangling. It just runs off into a different scene and doesn't excite the reader-- just bores them. For example, the first few paragraphs:
The dialogue for Satan Jr. seems unrealistic. I'm sure you don't talk to someone you will soon kill. Also you seem to have the excessive amount of question marks in the first paragraph. If you re-read it, try imagining to be the reader, reading what you have written. Think of the voices and how they will act. Use the anger in their voice to do. Also if you are going to kill someone, you might want to shorten their speech.
In the next two paragraphs, it seems to drag on. Then suddenly "and arrow" (decapitalize arrow since it is not a proper noun). You should lead up to the action with a punch, not say suddenly. Also you say Reload eyes fill with tear yet in the next paragraph you say Omanga is shot in the neck. Pardon me, but I haven't read the previous chapters to lead to this so if I may ask is Reload, Omanga?
That whole paragraph just seems to be thrown pile of wanted action.
This should be able to help you: Action Scenes, as I read, Writer's Digest has some important tips for writing a novel or short story.
Now as the novel continues on, Satan Jr. just got swang at with a sword by a "forever knight" (which to me, seems like a protector of God or something). On small thing, "knights" are not spelled "nights"-- common mistake some people make and can be easily fixed.
Their conversation seems to fall flat of... interesting.
(Dialogue)
The link I have provided can help you with dialogue and to make it seem more realistic.
Now I completely understand that Omanga is a different person. However, didn't he have an arrow in his neck? plot hole. The action between the "forever knights" and Satan Jr. seems to be little.. loose of action. It happens fast and quickly (I'm sure most novels do this but I feel for this novel, you should just add up towards it).
Also I've just learned Reload is another character. Okay, one question: is Reload a girl or a guy? Unless Reload is rubbing the back of St. Peter's head in this line:
Which, I think Reload is the girl. Unless I'm mistaken, then you should probably change it. Also when St. Peter is replying to Reload, add a comma after "Yeah."
In some places, if you choose to re-read this, seem broken and need to be fixed. Again, when re-reading this chapter, think of the POV of the characters-- have different thoughts for each and think about how they talk. Not everyone says "I like dogs" the same.
Anyway, this novel seems to be a great beginning chapter. Every chapter that you publish, when you get advice, always take it and re-read your chapter. Since there could be some things the reviewer didn't see.
I did enjoy the characters you have and the idea for it.
If you like me to go over anything, let me know!
Steggy
Thanks, steggy for the review, and I will do my best to fix this to the best of my knowledge and the tips you given me. As far your questions go though, you read part 2 of chapter 2 which means that you are thrown in the middle of the chapter. in part 1 of chapter 2 you find out that Omanga is a giant snake who only serves Junior. Reload is Junior's little sister who cares for all living things. I would never the less find you confuse since you never read part 1 of chapter two but I still think your review is spot on and once I have finish my entire book I will take your ideas as well as others that people shot at me in there reviews and fix the book up that way. Once agian thank you