my body is not a temple

This is one of my first reviews on here, so please bear with me and ignore me if none of of what I'm saying makes sense. I'm new to this.

I really adore the images you create here, I like how you have picked more unconventional words to describe certain things. For example, 'crusted' and 'swirl pools' struck me as really unusual and so caught my attention a little more. My favourite line is probably 'because the bridges we built are crumbling from the meteors shooting out of your lips' simply because I really like the image it creates, and the fact that it's not too clear to me what this is referring to, so I have room to use my imagination.

The only things I can think of to change might be at some point in the last stanza to add a question mark in, because it seems like you're asking a question but the fact that there isn't one makes it seem a little more like a tangent. Also, the italics in the second last stanza seem a bit strange to me, but that's just personal preference and you probably have a specific reason for adding them in.

Again, sorry if that made no sense. I'm still learning. Hope you have a great day!

Hey I'm Tega, and I enjoyed this piece especially the first paragraph(the first line really!) Probably because it reminds me of The Da Vinci code. The word "crusted" reminds me of biscuits(now I need some), or could I eat your spine, I bet they are tasty. But a tiny problems abounds, the first and second lines seems very different to me, no connection (is there?). Here "...monk that receives enlightenment/ the stairs of my spine..." I think both lines should have been separated by a punctuation mark, (I can't help you choose which). The third line employs imagery, but not good enough. I think the problem lies in your word choice. It easy to get lost reading that line. Flows wells the last line. In all, the first paragraph seems disjointed totally, each line great individually, but they don't click together.

The second paragraph reveals what this poem could be all about. In three words: Sex, lover/mate. The imagery is very strong here and all the line are in accordance. This stanza should be labeled soft core, invincible erotica (invincible because it doesn't seem to be there).

I love the tempo initiated in the third stanza; the first line, a good job. Is that a divorce ( a divorce/breakup after sex, brilliant!), but why should this stanza be italicized? you have some explaining to do.

Last stanza:This stanza is deceiving. Deaths seems to be the theme here, but its something more powerful; the power of the feminine half, of whom he'll be "reincarnated into" Bth parties share memories that will fall like dominoes. Death? seems likely, but i think the two personas are past their divorce/breakup/past.

Work more on this poem. And I envy your brain.

I envy your brain.

Oh how I wish I could write like you~

This was very well written, but I was, like many others, confused about the topic of it. It does have very good description of the object and was. I would have also checked the grammar for
"I" and add or take out some punctuation. At first, it did seem inappropriate but then soon realized that it was about some mystery object and not something I thought it was. But, still overall, I would rate this a 6.8/10 since it had great descriptive words and adjectives. Just watch some grammar. Overall, love it.

Less cryptic, more clear and structured than 'blackout'

I really don't get the path of what this poem follows is. In the beginning, I think you talking about sex. Not sure. I didn't get who the speaker was addressing, and what this "where butterflies once lay their cocoons; there now are swirlpools of moonlit wings sketched in winter frost, a place foreign to you" is. This poem is good but it needs to be more grounded. It seems to be flying everywhere without following a line. The italicized part kinda feels out of place with the rest of the poem. I may be wrong because I don't know what the rest of the poem is. (I say these not meaning the offense) I love this poem but I think you need to put this in a line, so it can be more grounded.

I should be studying, but what the heck. Let's roll.

The problem I see here is more structural than anything else. Your line-breaks are a tad off, and--this is more of a suggestion than anything else--I think punctuation would make this piece a lot stronger. The poem revolves around hard, concrete images, images that are sharp and solid and do not require a lack of punctuation because they are firm in what they say. This is just my take on poetry, but I think punctuation choices and structure ought to reflect the poem's actual message, so.

Some ideas feel incomplete. In the first line--what is this enlightenment that the narrator is talking about? It melds so quickly into the next verse that we don't really have the chance to stop and let it sink in. Your second stanza flows great, but don't leave your reader reeling before they're even halfway through the piece. Take a breather. Create mental pauses. Don't rush us through the paces. The narrator comes off as a little at-odds with themself, because they're asserting that their body isn't a temple--it isn't something that ought to be respected or held in awe, and I'm not sure if this is the narrator talking or just the way that the addressee has treated them that's led them to concluding as such. But that aside, they mention themselves as a 'shrine' a little into the piece and that just makes things ... confusing? It's hard to sieve the message out from the piece.

On smaller things: 'cesspools' and 'wings' are two comparisons that do not settle well with me, because there's very little point-of-similarity between them. Wings are delicate but solid, not flowy, as 'cesspools' suggests.

'exhale out' -- the 'out' after 'exhale' is unneeded.

My favourite line has to be the second one. It's so very vivid and 'staircases of my spine' is so /lovely/ to say, just<3.

I should get back to revision. Hope this helped somewhat.

Write moar!

~Pomp c: