we both have screams burrowed somewhere in our bones.
we take the elevator two floors down—
the air smells like snow and tingles like snow but the ground is still uncovered
so we just zip our coats up right to the underbellies of our chins
and rush out. when we were feeling brave earlier we made plans
to run into the woods, into the pitch,
where all of our peripheral vision collapses into darkness,
and shriek at the edge of the lake. but now we are scared
and we hear coyotes yodelling
and we only get to the first tree's shadow before we retreat.
there is still a scream itching at my muscles, creeping up through my throat,
so i pull you away from the buildings
through the gravel parking lot
past the fire pit
into the field.
here, the darkness is bearable—
faint light reaches us from the road and washes everything in grey.
this place looks how loud things sound when you cover your ears.
here, gripping each others' hands, we open our mouths and scream:
raw, cracking, ugly. we tumble into the grass with relief.
we revel in the silence that fills us up—
there is nothing left that needs saying tonight.
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140,080 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
Hey there! I absolutely love this poem of yours. I wanted to stop by and share a couple thoughts, especially on this one part that really stood out to me. Let's jump right into the review:
I love this! I cannot even explain how beautiful it is to me. I am someone who is really sensitive to sounds, so I cover my ears when I'm out a lot. Darkness is also something I am afraid of. So the combination of both of these to make this point that you're making in your poem, really sit out to me. We go from darkness feeling like it's consuming you, and that it's overwhelming and terrifying, to this place where it's bearable. You can see faint glimpses of light, which seem to turn everything from black to gray. The darkness, which ones felt like a piercing scream perhaps, is now muffled and feel safe and away. It's like you're there, but it's bearable, even though you're still in the same place. I can see the sharp resenting so many different things in my life and other peoples lives too. It almost feels finally seeing someone that you've missed for a long time. We're finding some thing that has been lost for your entire life. It's always been there, just out of sight, but now you can faintly see it and you feel drawn towards it and you can feel the growing in your chest.
I really love the tone of voice that you have when you write poetry. It feels like you're speaking, but also like I'm listening to a narrator. It feels beautiful and profound, but also strict, but also free. It's so much at the same time, which makes it sound so beautiful to my brain. It is beautiful. I'm so glad that I was able to read this. You have all these beautiful examples throughout the poem. I love how you played with darkness and light, and finding those little glimmer of hope. At the end of the poem, we can just settle in the safe place. Because there's nothing more that needs to be said because you have everything you need to be OK right now. Fantastic work and keep on writing!
Your friend,
Ellie
Awesome, I love this so much it gives me running-away-from-something-so-fast-that-your-heartbeat-hammers-in-your-chest vibes! The descriptive language used is awesome too maybe you could through a metaphor in there? That would be awesome like if you said:
‘the trees claw at us, almost reaching into our empty souls with their gnarly fingers’
Just a suggestion! Overall, hats off to you!
i love this and your musical coyotes
at the end of the day, all a coyote wants is to be a country singer
as they should
new hijinks poem just dropped i’m SHOOK
gotta keep people on their toes
i%u2019m off my toes rn i%u2019m sitting down
Hi Hijinks!
Just a couple of things...
I cannot express how much I love that line. I know exactly that that smell/feels like and I love how that description is so sensory. There is not enough smells in poetry sometimes!
....coyotes... yodeling? I am not a huge fan of that verb.
I love how you use the weather and environment to make your poetic voice really ring out. In the beginning, there was this icy, frosty feeling in the poem. Then later it becomes almost nightmarish with the imagery of the barren trees and the smooth lake... but that is too scary so they retreat to the field and I love how by the end after they scream there is almost this tender springtime feeling as they tumble into the grass.
Very well done!
thank you for the lovely review! yeah, yodelling is admittedly a questionable verb choice - may need to rework that!
A real interesting read! I love the visual you create with every line, and the end hits so hard. I think I really like the sense of nostalgia you get reading this, reminds you of kind of like when you're a kid on a snow day. I've no idea if that was your intent, but it was a wonderful feeling nonetheless.
Be proud! Awesome work here.
Thank you! I can definitely see how the vibes are reminiscent of being a kid on a snow day :)