here I am sitting on the edge of the porch, knees up in my arms,
and there are a hundred things that tumble in and out of my notice—
lights slung along the fence and a grassy smell mixed with traces of barbecue
and faint cloud lines above the trees and the slow, crawling purr of the cat—
yet I keep turning to the hollow air next to me, where you're meant to be,
and I miss the sound of you breathing that I'm meant to hear & the tanginess
of your cologne that I'm meant to smell & the light brush of skin that I'm meant to feel
as the hairs on your arm dip into the hairs on mine &
I picture you walking up the path and opening the gate gently, so it only creaks twice,
and taking up the space next to me that's been holding itself in your outline. I repeat this
over and over, until I know every detail, down to the way the fireflies have followed you here
and spark softly to the rhythm of my pulse.
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140,085 Literary Works • 672,996 Reviews
Hello! Here's my review!
This poem is a heartfelt exploration of presence and absence, capturing the bittersweet nature of longing with vivid sensory detail and emotional resonance.
It captures a moment of quiet longing and nostalgia, vividly portraying the sensory details of a summer evening. The imagery is rich and evocative, painting a clear picture of the scene on the porch.
What stands out is the way the poem blends the external world with the internal emotions of the speaker. The lights, the grassy smell, the barbecue, and the purring cat all serve to contrast with the hollow space where the loved one is meant to be. This juxtaposition highlights the sense of absence and yearning.
The repetition of phrases like "where you're meant to be" and "that I'm meant to" underscores the speaker's longing and sense of what should be, adding emotional depth to the poem. The detailed imagining of the loved one walking up the path and taking their place next to the speaker is both tender and heart-wrenching, capturing the essence of missing someone deeply.
The poem beautifully illustrates how the speaker's thoughts and memories are intertwined with the physical space, creating a poignant picture of love and loss. The final image of fireflies sparking softly to the rhythm of their pulses is a delicate and touching ending, emphasizing the connection between the speaker and the absent loved one.
Nice one. Keep it up!
Hijinks, The imagery in this is PERFECTION - I definitely get a sense of longing and sad-missing, as well as wonder and regret.
Favorite lines, "I picture you walking up the path and opening the gate gently, so it only creaks twice,
and taking up the space next to me that's been holding itself in your outline. I repeat this " what a beautiful way to word the missing of someone wrapped up in all their unique qualities.
Loved the read! <3
alliyah
Aw thank you for the lovely comment alliyah!! <3 Longing and missing were definitely the primary emotions I was going for.
hello jinxy! century here to review your wonderful work!
first impressions
this is such a great poem
it very much is a poem about missing. it feels like what wanting and yearning for someone feels like.
compliments & highlights
i loved so much of this!
all of the metaphors were well made, and i loved the imagery. it was very vivid to me what kind of story you were trying to tell, and the last 5 lines were just cheffs kiss!
critiques & revisions
i don't have anything to put here. you did so so so well. i loved every bit of it!
final notes & sign off
overall, beautifully crafted poem
-keep writing-
century
Thanks for the lovely review, century!
Hey, it's Serrurie, here to leave a review! Let's dive in:
The Good Stuff
- This poem packs a lot of emotion but in a way different than what I usually see. Usually, when it comes to romance or grief in poems, it feels like something passionate or intense. When it comes to this poem, however, this person's longing for the other feels like a quiet ache that simply won't go away, kind of like a migraine that's dulled down but never gone away. It's really beautiful.
- This poem also isn't vague when it comes to description, which you did really well. I think that this is my favorite part of the description:
This somehow feels literal and metaphorical at the same time, but I really liked it.
- Have you ever read those books where the chapters are just pages and pages of prose that compile into a story? This is what this reminds me of- no normal poetry, but not a story either. It feels like the missing piece to something greater.
Room For Improvement
- Honestly, there isn't really anything I would improve about this. It has a unique style, an emotion that's beautiful (that I don't normally see in poetry), and a description that you managed to capture in such a short amount of words. You did great. (I could take notes from you). I obviously don't need an 'overall opinion' section on this review because I've expressed that enough. I enjoyed this poem way more than I thought I would. Happy writing, and keep doing what you're doing!
Thanks for the wonderful review, Serrurie! I'm glad it came across as more achey than passionate/intense%u2014I was trying to write a quiet and peaceful poem that just happens to be about longing for someone.