The sun rose over the golden hills as a young puppy opened his eyes for the first time. He saw a female dog with a long body. Her ears had wavy fur and she seemed to have a red tint to her coat. The puppy looked up at his mother and let out a soft squeak, and with some effort, managed to hobble his way to one of her teats. He was the only male and had three sisters. The peaceful pup closed his eyes as he nourished himself, a sense of calmness falling over them. This, however, wouldn’t last.
He heard a strange sound. His mother stood up, growling. He and his sister, scared and confused, tried to get away. Of course, they were not able to get very far. A hand reached through the bush they were under, but it was quickly bitten. The young pup was able to see a few crimson drops as his mother attempted to protect them. An annoyed grunt was heard from the other side of the thick foliage. The owner of the hand wrapped it around his mother’s neck, yanking her out. A few shouts could be heard. “That’s the damned dog who bit her!” an enraged voice called out. The young pup could hear several eager footsteps rushing towards where he assumed the man who held his mother stood. After a few moments of snarling and barking from their mother, a sharp, quick bang rang out. It went silent. The footsteps were heard leading away from the bush. After a few moments, he stepped out of the bush.
A woman with raven hair wearing jeans, a bandage on her leg, and a T-shirt was crying. She noticed him and cried harder, picking him up slowly. He wanted to bark and bite her, but he didn’t. Something in him knew she wouldn’t hurt him. As she held him near her face, he licked her cheek as if wiping away her tears. There was a spot of blood on the ground that she stared at. She looked back to the puppy and sniffed. “H-hello, Tiny,” She spoke through choked back sobs.”I’m Maria. Your mother-” She cut herself off. ‘Tiny’, as he had been dubbed, was unsure of what she was saying. ‘Maria’ set him down and began walking away. She didn’t look back. Tiny took a few steps toward her but stopped. He turned towards the smell of trees and wildlife. He only made it to the edge of the farm before being unable to go any farther. Taking heavy breaths, he soon succumbed to exhaustion. His consciousness faded quickly. He felt the sensation of being carried before completely passing out.
Tiny’s mind was brought back to the present as a large bulldog leaped onto him. The group of men cheered, watching from the edge of the pen. He snarled, jumping at it. He felt teeth sink into his shoulder, crying out in pain. The doxine-mix threw the dog off him, biting into its leg. It shrieked, biting into his neck. He felt warm, metallic-tasting fluid fill his mouth. He collapsed, vision blurry. The bulldog had something placed on its muzzle as it was led away. A man who smelled of smoke and alcohol picked Tiny up by the hind leg. He sighed in disappointment and glared down at Tiny’s limp body. “You won me money, mutt, but it seems that your fighting days are over,” These were the last words Tiny heard before being chucked out into the middle of the road like nothing more than rubbish. He closed his eyes, welcoming a quick death. Nearly two years of dog fighting had taken their toll on him, and he knew that whatever came next must be better than his current life. That same calmness he felt as a pup fell over him as he closed his eye, memories of his family flooding his mind. Maybe he would get to see them. He only had a few moments to cherish these memories before he heard the blaring of a horn, felt a sharp pain in his side, then nothing.
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139,478 Literary Works • 672,575 Reviews
Hi Helena13,
Mailice here with a short review!
This was a very interesting and in some aspects very sad story. You go into the story with a good feeling and manage to show the reader compassion. For a short story, definitely a very good structure and effect!
I really liked your story, the way you start slowly and add a certain quivering tension with each new section. I think you have a very positive quality there, which I partly envy. But I also think there are a few points you could change a little.
One minor thing, which only relates to the structure of the text, is that you start the dialogues in a new section rather than leaving them in one big block. For example, in the third block it can seem to the reader that there is a longer dialogue.
The second thing is that despite your good way of telling the story, you remain very unclear in some places, making the reader stall and think. I think you've used the "less is more" a bit too much, because if you write something and the reader stops temporarily, you create an opposite effect that can also cause the emotions and the planned plot to recover badly as a result.
I would try to be a bit more direct to give that brief moment of shock to the reader before returning to your actual storytelling.
In summary though, a very great story!
Have fun writing!
Mailice
As heart-breaking and all too common as this story is, I was so happy to see someone write a story like this. Uniquely, you used the perspective of the dog itself, used in dog-fighting. Starting off as an innocent and newly eye-opened pup, you very thoroughly got me attached to this little guy, so adorably named "Tiny". You effectively drew me in, not certain what would happen. before reading the second half, I suspected the people who came were going to murder or abuse the pup. Instead, it was at some point carried away and put into dog fighting.
As a strong believer in the idea that animals are sentient, This sentence resonated with me deeply. Surely, these poor dogs put through this desire a better life, and when they're too far gone, simply an end to the pain.
You very thoroughly broke my heart with this ending. If it was meant to open people's eyes to the horror that dogs go through in dog-fighting and the ending they so often face, you win. I hope that's the message you're going for, because it is a good one and you do so effectively with this story.
Overall, even though Tiny is made up, his story is not exactly untrue. And is a very common fate for dogs even in this day and age. Your story both warmed and broke my heart. I have only praise for you on this one. I hope to read more of your work at some point.
Keep writing,
-Katja
Thank you so much! That was the feeling I was trying to go for. It's not really to open anyone's eyes to such things, but I guess that's what it did. Most things I write don't have a purpose. To admit, it took me ages to come up with the courage to post the two stories I have so far. Anyway, thank you again.
This was really sad, a good sad though. The puppy seemed like a good puppy, an innocent one, no way of doing anything wrong. What I felt bad about was the fact that his mother got shot by a gun to stop her from biting whoever she bit. I feel for her because she was only trying to protect her kin! But later, when Maria came, I wondered if she would take him in, but I was really shocked when she didn't! Almost made me mad at her for a second!XD But the worst part was that later in his life, he had been a fighting dog, who fought other dogs, and while that does pay money if you win, it's still super heart-breaking to watch. And as he went out into the road to end his life, I thought he would finally be at peace, so I finally felt happy for him! And by the way, Tiny is a really cute name, I literally said aww out loud. My mom had no idea what I was doing!XD
He didn't end his own life, but he probably would have if he could. Anyway, thank you so so much for the feedback. The reason Maria didn't take him in is that her family sees dogs as property. Not sentient. Maria sees them as alive, and since Tiny isn't big enough to be a herding dog, she named him that and left him. If she took him in, he'd be killed by her family for being 'useless'.