Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
I tell you a tale,
A beautiful tale.
A sorrowful tale,
A tale of love,
A tale of hate,
A tale of grief,
A tale of hope,
A tale of life,
But mainly a tale of purpose.
A hero…
Shining brightest in the darkest times
Their might unscalable
Yet used for the people
Giving hope
Asking nothing in return
Stories told
Songs heard
Yet none still alive.
Heroes die young.
The world does not allow them to live long
Or is it because of their own mindset to save and sacrifice
To suffer
To die.
Why must they think to die for people who do not realize why
For the sake of peace they say.
For the sake of peace they wield a weapon
To become a shield for the people
They become the weapon
Unknown is their pain and suffering
Never to be shown
Always smiling
Even before a foreseen loss
For if shown fear
All hope will be lost
Why must heroes die young?
Why must heroes always suffer?
Why, in the end, do they always win?
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140,075 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
It's weird, I have a very mixed opinion on hero's. but I think that they definitely need to show more, as there are different sides to people that are never shown, but are very important. I mean on one hand you can watch something like THE BOYS and see all the horrible things that could live behind a hero, all the skeletons in their closet, or on the other hand in most fiction hero's are perfect and have no flaws. any flaw they might have is like you said a early death over their careless actions to protect, or the fact that they are not keeping enough peace. I like this a lot but hero's are really almost never doing it for the peace, and if they are; they usually are not doing a good enough job. anyone making good progress will end up dead as it is too much of a risk for one person.-as you said. anyway great stuff!
Hey @Thediffident here! Here's a review for your piece:
This was such an interesting read! The concept you put out here was truly amazing and unique. It got me thinking about this a lot. Heroes are known for their achievements, success, optimism and their bright persona. Even in the roughest and hardest of times they always come through, that too with a smile on their faces. Even when they need help, they comfort others. The way you described their positive and selfless attitude here was amazing. Great work!
I really liked how you started this piece. The words were clear and concise and it definitely improved the flow of reading this piece. The above lines were extremely captivating as well and played a huge role in making me interested and curious as to what will come next.
Although your idea and concept was really good, I believe you missed out on some full stops/punctuation marks. So why not reread the poem once and add them?
I had trouble understanding this line. Maybe try rephrasing it a bit?
Other than that,I really loved your piece. It was simple but held a great and deeper meaning. It was truly a great read. Looking forward to reading more of your work<3
(P.S. Please keep in mind that my suggestions are just what I think will make this piece better and feel free to not use them if you feel like they won't work. Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions about this review or would like another one.)
Love, Andy.
Hi HeVan! Welcome to YWS, I hope you're enjoying the site so far.
I have mixed feelings about prologues to stories as for a while they seemed like they were a kind of hygiene factor of the fantasy/adventure genre, that is that all books had them because they were sort of expected by the reader but weren't necessarily adding anything to the book.
I think the actual content of this piece is good, and it does cue an 'epic tale' but I wonder whether it's actually needed. For me, I need to be drawn into the story from the start - either by being thrown into action or at least through meeting some characters. I worry that because this prologue is quite vague it won't grip the reader in the way an adventure story needs to. Once you've written your chapter one (and perhaps once you have a general outline of the novel) you can go back and revisit this and ask yourself if you need it, or if you can go straight into chapter one.
I think in trying to make this rhyme, the meaning isn't clear in this specific line for me.
I quite like the foreshadowing this brings because it makes me think all three of these things are going to happen at some point. The 'always win' part sounds a bit bitter though, so makes me wonder if this poem is from the perspective of someone on the heroes' side, or someone who is more of a villain.
Hope this was helpful, looking forward to reading your first chapter!
Icy
This is a start to an epic story.