z
  • Home

Young Writers Society


16+ Language

Prologue : Hero

by HeVan


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

I tell you a tale,

A beautiful tale.

A sorrowful tale,

A tale of love,

A tale of hate,

A tale of grief,

A tale of hope,

A tale of life,

But mainly a tale of purpose.

A hero…

Shining brightest in the darkest times

Their might unscalable

Yet used for the people

Giving hope

Asking nothing in return

Stories told

Songs heard

Yet none still alive.

Heroes die young.

The world does not allow them to live long

Or is it because of their own mindset to save and sacrifice

To suffer

To die.

Why must they think to die for people who do not realize why

For the sake of peace they say.

For the sake of peace they wield a weapon

To become a shield for the people

They become the weapon

Unknown is their pain and suffering

Never to be shown

Always smiling

Even before a foreseen loss

For if shown fear

All hope will be lost

Why must heroes die young?

Why must heroes always suffer?

Why, in the end, do they always win?


Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
9 Reviews

Points: 0
Reviews: 9

Donate
Tue Feb 07, 2023 9:35 pm
Lexus2017RX350 wrote a review...



It's weird, I have a very mixed opinion on hero's. but I think that they definitely need to show more, as there are different sides to people that are never shown, but are very important. I mean on one hand you can watch something like THE BOYS and see all the horrible things that could live behind a hero, all the skeletons in their closet, or on the other hand in most fiction hero's are perfect and have no flaws. any flaw they might have is like you said a early death over their careless actions to protect, or the fact that they are not keeping enough peace. I like this a lot but hero's are really almost never doing it for the peace, and if they are; they usually are not doing a good enough job. anyone making good progress will end up dead as it is too much of a risk for one person.-as you said. anyway great stuff!




User avatar
29 Reviews

Points: 5121
Reviews: 29

Donate
Fri Feb 03, 2023 2:32 pm
Thediffident wrote a review...



Hey @Thediffident here! Here's a review for your piece:
This was such an interesting read! The concept you put out here was truly amazing and unique. It got me thinking about this a lot. Heroes are known for their achievements, success, optimism and their bright persona. Even in the roughest and hardest of times they always come through, that too with a smile on their faces. Even when they need help, they comfort others. The way you described their positive and selfless attitude here was amazing. Great work!

I tell you a tale,

A beautiful tale.

A sorrowful tale,

A tale of love,

A tale of hate,

A tale of grief,

A tale of hope,

A tale of life,

But mainly a tale of purpose.

A hero…


I really liked how you started this piece. The words were clear and concise and it definitely improved the flow of reading this piece. The above lines were extremely captivating as well and played a huge role in making me interested and curious as to what will come next.

Although your idea and concept was really good, I believe you missed out on some full stops/punctuation marks. So why not reread the poem once and add them?

Why must they think to die for people who do not realise why


I had trouble understanding this line. Maybe try rephrasing it a bit?

Other than that,I really loved your piece. It was simple but held a great and deeper meaning. It was truly a great read. Looking forward to reading more of your work<3

(P.S. Please keep in mind that my suggestions are just what I think will make this piece better and feel free to not use them if you feel like they won't work. Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions about this review or would like another one.)
Love, Andy.




User avatar
1485 Reviews

Points: 154066
Reviews: 1485

Donate
Thu Feb 02, 2023 12:05 pm
IcyFlame wrote a review...



Hi HeVan! Welcome to YWS, I hope you're enjoying the site so far.

I have mixed feelings about prologues to stories as for a while they seemed like they were a kind of hygiene factor of the fantasy/adventure genre, that is that all books had them because they were sort of expected by the reader but weren't necessarily adding anything to the book.

I think the actual content of this piece is good, and it does cue an 'epic tale' but I wonder whether it's actually needed. For me, I need to be drawn into the story from the start - either by being thrown into action or at least through meeting some characters. I worry that because this prologue is quite vague it won't grip the reader in the way an adventure story needs to. Once you've written your chapter one (and perhaps once you have a general outline of the novel) you can go back and revisit this and ask yourself if you need it, or if you can go straight into chapter one.

Why must they think to die for people who do not realize why

I think in trying to make this rhyme, the meaning isn't clear in this specific line for me.

Why must heroes die young?

Why must heroes always suffer?

Why, in the end, do they always win?

I quite like the foreshadowing this brings because it makes me think all three of these things are going to happen at some point. The 'always win' part sounds a bit bitter though, so makes me wonder if this poem is from the perspective of someone on the heroes' side, or someone who is more of a villain.

Hope this was helpful, looking forward to reading your first chapter!

Icy




Random avatar

Points: 0
Reviews: 0

Donate
Wed Feb 01, 2023 4:33 am
HeVan says...



This is a start to an epic story.





Too often we crave the extraordinary in life, without even learning how to cherish the ordinary first. Friend, I promise you this: if you can learn to take joy in the simple mundane things in life, the extraordinary will take care of itself, it'll be on its way, hurrying towards you. But if you skip the first part, it'll ever evade you.
— Arcticus