Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Realistic


Listen

by HarshLynx


L i s t e n

Why do we talk

When we're alone

And we know no one can hear us?

L i s t e n

The Doctor would say it's because

We're never really alone.

The pragmatist would say it's because

We're just bored.

I, would say it's because

We want someone to do one thing.

L i s t e n

We live in a world where nobody knows how to simply just listen.

Where everyone feels lonely because nobody can be heard.

Because that's all anybody wants

But is everything that no one can have.

L i s t e n

We are raising a generation of people

Who instead of listening,

Only ever respond with

"Same" or "me too" or "big mood."

L i s t e n

And so we turn from our own to

Seek others who might listen

But the only people we ever find are those

Who are obsessed with one-upping us

And proving that they have it the worst,

By saying, "If it makes you feel better."

Listen

We are a generation raised by parents

Who never listen and never understand

Because they can't understand.

Listen.

"Just eat something," but they don't

Understand the hatred of self image

Or the lack of feeling anything,

Let alone hunger.

Listen.

"You're just stressed," and yes that's a part

Of it but they don't understand

That it's also wanting to cry into a towel

In the bathroom so that no one can hear you

And feeling being terrified of the gray-silver

That you're so attracted to.

Listen!

"You should sleep more," but they don't

Understand that sleep itself is the problem.

Sometimes it's not sleeping at all

Sometimes it's wanting to always sleep

And sometimes it's wanting to sleep and never wake up again.

LISTEN!

just listen.

that's all.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
88 Reviews


Points: 4861
Reviews: 88

Donate
Sat Jul 13, 2019 7:05 am
Sree wrote a review...



Heya, this is sree :) just letting you know that this poem just talked to me. I listened and enjoyed each and every line
Wow!
It was a pleasure reading this poem. I was traveling on an emotional roller coaster.
This work is beautiful in structure as well as the concept.
The last 5 lines just hit me Strong.

Keep up through Awesome work.
I could see real potential...its really tough to emphasis emotional message with right ounce of strong words yet not corny.
You did that and I admire that in your poem.
Thanks for sharing such a lovely poem.

Keep writing




User avatar
84 Reviews


Points: 433
Reviews: 84

Donate
Wed Jul 10, 2019 12:03 am
shieldmaiden wrote a review...



So true. I find that if I put away my pride and stop trying to "relate" to people, that they are more happier afterwards because someone listened. I'm trying to be a better listener, and I must admit that I struggle a little because I get excited, but it is always worth it in the end. Your poem hit a chord with me, illuminating a need that we all have and something that I'm trying to accomplish (though I need lots of practice). Thanks for this beautiful piece. It's very precious and a truth that you've made timeless by putting it in writing. Keep sharing such works as this!

-Shieldmaiden




User avatar
22 Reviews


Points: 15
Reviews: 22

Donate
Tue Jul 09, 2019 9:02 pm
MoonlightForest wrote a review...



Hi there, MoonlightForest here for a review! I think you've established a really clean rhythm with this poem, and that's one of the strongest points of the whole piece. You know how to carry your words well and keep the reader engaged. One thing I noticed in Stanza three is this sentence: "When everyone feels lonely because nobody can be heard". I think the dichotomy you set up here is interesting, but the line might flow better like this: "When everyone feels lonely cause they can't be heard" or something similar. I'm just nit-picky like that, mostly because I consider everyone and nobody to be disjointed antonyms. Or you could simply say something like "Everyone feels lonely because no one can be heard". That way there's some parallelism and consistency. Another thing: in stanza 5, you start changing around the italics. I think the great thing about poetry is its interpretation, but is the change in italics warranted? It just seems to me that the change was a stylistic choice rather than an elemental one, but to each their own.

Your strongest stanza may be the last one: "Sometimes it's not sleeping at all / Sometimes it's wanting to always sleep / And sometimes it's wanting to sleep and never wake up again." Reading this was a total gut-punch because it hits home in depicting that feeling of depression with evocative language. Nice job!

I don't really have too many other qualms because this is written well. You touch upon the changing nature of our society with some interesting introspection. It is true how isolated we have become in our efforts to be more widely connected. I think that's a topic that could always use exploring.

Would love to read more of your works!




User avatar
17 Reviews


Points: 84
Reviews: 17

Donate
Tue Jul 09, 2019 4:57 pm
salia4 wrote a review...



I love this poem, it has a powerful message and is something i can personally relate to. If I could give a bit of advice, the poem doesn't flow seemlessly, this is mostly due to its still written as if it's a paragraph, a narrative, it's a simple fix, I would just go back through and eliminate words that aren't necessary. It's a little tweak but makes all the difference. Anyways, great work!




User avatar
542 Reviews


Points: 30484
Reviews: 542

Donate
Tue Jul 09, 2019 10:36 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a review for you on this lovely day, and to help get your work out the green room for you.

Okay let's start.

So I did see one little punctuation mistake, well you can't really call it a mistake, anyway here it is.

When we're alone

I feel like this line should have a question mark, then we move onto the next line. It will help with the flow, and it will make this line and the one before it sound more like a question.

Well that was all could see, if you don't agree then don't worry about it.
Now onto what I liked about this poem.

I love the title to this peace of work, it got my attention right away, and that is why i am here doing a review. It's good that it makes your reader come and read your work, that is what you are looking for.
It wasn't just the title that made me read it, it was also your poem, from the very beginning to the end I couldn't take my eyes away.
I'm also just loving the emotion that you have put into, it's just so sad, and filled with frustration, and that is something that spoke to me the most, I have been trying to put my emotions and how I feel into a poem, and well you have done it so well. The sleeping part if just like how I feel.
And I'm sure everything will get better. Just know your not alone.

Well that all from me for now. Great poem I thought it was written to perfection, I'm glad I could be one of the people to read and review it. I hope you will keep writing and post again on YWS soon. Have a great day or night, ether one.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.





No one is perfect; not even your reflection.
— Chalkboard Words