She looked around for windows, and found one on either side. Both of those just showed the transport parked next to the one they were on. That wasn’t going to help them do anything expect keep an eye on the transports on either side. She directed Harry and Kate to stay on those two.
The final window that was inside the cargo hold area was a window that was right at the front. It looked out towards the driver’s cabin and the front windshield. She couldn’t make out any of the details of the cabin from there, the window was too grimy to notice more than just a control are and lots of gauges she couldn’t recognize. It did however give here was a decent view of the other transports parked in front of them, four in total, and the six on the back of the warehouse.
She pointed out of that window and gestured to herself, indicating that she would be the one that paid attention to what went on, on those two sides. She gestured for Ryan and Daisy to watch the back, to make sure that no aliens could accidentally sneak up on them. The two of them proceeded to take up positions on either side, making sure that they could see out without the chance of anyone seeing a random head popping out the back of a transport. Once she was sure they were also settled, Aria settled herself down as she figured out the best way to look out the window without being too uncomfortable. The next part would just involve a lot of waiting.
A few minutes of waiting later, she felt someone frantically tapping her and she turned sharply. It was Daisy, who was pointing towards the left, eyes wide. Aria’s blood ran cold yet again that day. She directed everyone to quickly dive behind the crates. It was the only option that they had. Aria held her breath. She could hear footsteps coming up towards them now, slowly getting louder and louder. It didn’t look like they were stopping. That was a good sign. If they were just walking by, that meant they wouldn’t be checking inside the transports.
The next two minutes were probably the longest of Aria’s life. She’d chosen to hide at the very front of the wall of chests, so that she could look out for whenever the aliens passed by. And now as she slowly looked out through a tiny crack between two chests, all she could hear were slowly approaching footsteps.
An alien slowly came into view, someone just casually walking behind the row of transports, making a rhythmic clicking noise that might as well have been some sort of song. It would have been strangely familiar if it wasn’t for the fact that, if either of them were seen, they would be staring at certain death. Luckily, her theory from earlier was correct.
The man kept walking without stopping and soon the sounds of footsteps began to fade before eventually they could no longer hear them. Aria was finally able to release the breath she’d been holding in.
With that out of the way, she shakily gestured for everyone to get back to where they’d been earlier and before long it was back to the waiting game. From her vantage point, she could now see the sky outside beginning to get lighter. They were fast running out of darkness. At this rate, it may be too late for them to use the darkness to their advantage and disappear once outside the camp. Time was starting to run out and they couldn't even do anything about it.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Hey Harry!
RandomTalks here with a short review!
They seemed to have run into a little problem here. I like how it came out of nowhere in an otherwise calm chapter, and still there was something very natural about the way it appeared and disappeared for our team. The slight anxiety at the sudden risk of getting caught was portrayed really well, and even though I knew there was no real risk, it still got me a little excited. I did think that they are having it too easy right now, but I also don't want them to get caught in any trouble now that they have come so close to their destination.
I also liked how you humanized the aliens a bit here, with the part about whistling the tune. I wonder how it was familiar to them, considering that there was no source of entertainment inside the camp. I also realized, that throughout the story, you haven't really villainized the aliens. Sure they have trapped the entire humankind under their rule, but we have never really seen their cruelest side. Like, you know show us some action or some scene to build the fear in our minds. It creates anticipation in us, and makes our team's success even more meaningful, now that we know what they would have to go through if they failed.
Overall, a nice continuation of the story. A tiny nitpick:
This sentence was a bit problematic. I don't think the 'here was' is really necessary.
That's all!
Keep writing and have a great day!
Until next time!
Thank youu for the review!!
Hi Harry,
Mailice here again with another short review!
We reach a kind of little climax of the chapter here and it looks like we're coming to the end of the book soon as well. I like how the situation changes a bit more drastically here and how everything changes a bit again as a result. Everything still seems to be going a bit according to plan, and yet sometimes I still get this feeling like you're trying to drop a bombshell in the next section. I think this attraction to read on and hope that everything will turn out all right doesn't leave me alone either, which is why I would like to continue reading the story.
I think to get back to the thoughts that I've always mentioned here, sometimes it would also help if you describe things in terms of these, so that you don't sometimes keep a kind of monotony that runs through these sections.
One other thing I want to mention:
This one is like the biggest highlight in the chapter and I like how it reads so naturally here, like nothing happened. Not only that, but I also like extremely well how Aria reacts to the situation. I think it's one of those moments where I think the section is perfect in itself for the build-up. This is one of these tiny occasions, where we are going to see a bit more of the characters and there thoughts in an indirect way.
Have fun writing!
Mailice
Thank youu for the review!!