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Narcissus

by Haraya


look at me but not into me
behold my face, avoid my gaze
else you peer into the pool
and drown in the black of my soul

there is beauty on the surface
that a madman obsesses
until ripples distort the image
soon lost to the damage

‘til then shower on this flower
though I bloom for naught
the poison in me all over
shall be pure before I rot

for attention is a warm hug
admiration a potent drug
and the echo of self-adulation
the curse of a god


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Fri Sep 23, 2022 7:38 pm
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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hello!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

I really enjoyed reading this poem! I loved this take on Narcissus and how you have given him a voice that the readers can actually connect with. I liked the fact that the theme of this poem and the thoughts reflected need not be associated with the Greek God alone, even though we are all familiar with it and it is where our mind goes first. However, the way you have narrated the poem made me feel as though it can pertain to any such individual who uses a facade to conceal the raw vulnerabilities buried inside. That made me relate with the poem even more.

Although, I don't have a very deep knowledge of the story of Narcissus, I don't think that He was aware of or much concerned with what laid below the surface of the image he was so infatuated with. Here, your poem adds a different dimension, because we see the poet in the very first stanza, encouraging us to look at them and not into them, lest we catch a glimpse of what lies inside. In fact, I thought it was very interesting how this fact was emphasized throughout the poem, suggesting that the facade or the 'surface image' is a desperate attempt on the part of the poet to conceal the real self that the poet despises and is ashamed of.

Of course, these are only my interpretations and you might have implied something totally different!

the poison in me all over
shall be pure before I rot

I really loved these lines because of the contradiction they contain. I cannot imagine poison ever being pure, although the way the poet says this, it implies that pure or rotten, poison was and always has been there from the start, suggesting that the poet considers there has been nothing good in them. Its almost a little self deprecating, if we think about it, which once again goes against Narcissus's theme of self-infatuation.

I liked how the tone shifts in the last stanza and it feels as though the poet is warning us now about how it all starts. For some reason, that made empathize with them even more and feel a little sorry for them in general. Don't know if that makes sense!

Overall, this was genuinely well-written and I enjoyed reading it very much! I could not identify a specific rhyme scheme, but I really loved the rhythm of the poem and the ease with which it flowed. I am not sure if the lack of capitalization was a creative choice, but it honestly didn't bother me much. The imageries were all on point and they helped me better connect with the poem. Finally, I liked the fact that although the framework of the poem (the theme of Narcissus) seemed familiar, the emotions you added to it felt genuine and relatable.

Thank you for sharing this lovely poem!

Keep writing and have a great day!




Haraya says...


I'm really happy that the emotion I was going for got through. Thank you so much for this!



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Fri Sep 23, 2022 12:04 pm
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vampricone6783 wrote a review...



This shows that maybe Narcissius is aware of his curse and is aware that what he’s doing is wrong, but can’t help the vain desire to just stare and stare and stare and stare into the lake. This poem makes me feel pity for him and his predicament of falling in love with himself. He shall die alone, with want and anger and lust, remembered for doing nothing. Never the hero he wanted to be. I wish you a lovely day/night.




Haraya says...


That's a really great take. It adds some dimension I never really considered, but it fits so well with the theme I was going for. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!





Of course!




If I seem to wander, if I seem to stray, remember that true stories seldom take the straightest way.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind