Hey hannalynn! this is Hiraeth here to review a really heart felt poem.
First; i like that you chose to write about the relationship between a mother and a child- it is the holiest of bonds; and i think most of us take our mums for granted; only the ones who've lost a mother truly know the warmth of her hugs, the melody that her voice holds; and all the sacrifices she's made for her child.
So even though it seem like it was intentionally omitted; i think readers would like exactly Why her mother had died- there could be so many reasons; so many ways; writing something about that would clear some of the lingering questions in our mind.
Also, when she realized that her mom had died; she would have felt something more than an empty hole, right? words like lost, broken, etc works (what i'm trying to say is, there is very little emotion for the reader to grab on to, and if the emotion isn't there, readers won't be able to sympathize with the narrator, and thus, they wouldn't care much if her mother died).
There's a tiny error here (overlookable, really): "all bad days start of" where 'of' should be 'off'.
This line: "A grim reminder of the one I once loved." here you're telling us that you USED to love your mother, but don't love her anymore after after she'd dead. Hmmm...seems a little morally wrong, doesn't it? one will love one's mother, dead or alive.
All in all, though, this was a good read. Keep up the great work.
Points: 4255
Reviews: 98
Donate