Secret of The Emerald: Prologue

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well...this was one of the more mysterious prologues that I've managed to come across here, and well, this definitely seems to be doing the job of a prologue pretty darn well here. At any rate, more details below.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Two majestic doors swung with grace as a tall, middle-aged man walked through. As he entered the room, a globe of light descended from the ceiling. It brightened as small, black particles swept in from the cracks of the dark walls. The particles made a slight hissing sound as they assembled into a massive sphere of darkness. The particles spun as globe with a pulsing rhythm. The man stood there and watched. The massive orb collapsed into a black, glinting table and seat. He sat down and a glowing, green screen formed in front of him. A silhouette of some figure came on to the screen. The man at the table spoke:

“Project E7 has initiated.”

He then got up as the screen flickered and shut down. That was it. Four words that would change the fate of everyone aboard The Emerald. It was either their salvation or their doom.

The levitating table and seat were now a wave of particles, seeping back into the cracks of the walls. As he turned to the door, a voice spoke. The man was unaware of what was to come. He had lived to see this day. The day the project would finish.

A voice behind the man spoke, “You have served your purpose.” Before he could blink, a bright flash erupted from a single point in the room. It was blinding and deadly. The man had never experienced such pain, and no one else had either. He was being crushed by some force. The color drained from his skin, and his eyes turned white. But there was no noise. Not a sound. Nothing. And soon, there was just the body of a man on the ground.

The lights dimmed, and the doors closed.

Hi Guardian! I am new to this site, but not critiquing, so I hope this review is ok. This is my first one here! Let me know if I make any faux pas :S

My first thought is that the first sentence is where you really want to grab the reader and start making promises about what the story is going to be like. The chapter has all this exciting imagery and a mysterious, fantastical atmosphere, but the first sentence doesn't give us any taste of that, just doors and a middle-aged man. Perhaps start out with some of the imagery of the black particles?

I felt a bit confused about the particles at first. Once I got to the end of the paragraph, I understood your meaning, but I had to re-read the first few sentences a few times, which took me out of the story. Perhaps if you condensed the descriptions so the wording is more consice? For instance, "the particles" is repeated a lot.

My biggest question is about point of view. The narrative is pretty distant from the character--I didn't get a good sense of what he's feeling as these things happen around him. It seemed mostly objective, describing what happened, but I wasn't sure how to feel about it from an emotional standpoint. Is the main character expecting this, or nervous but knows it's something he needs to do, or out of his element and afraid? How deep of a POV you want to use is up to you, but as a reader I like to know who and what I'm supposed to identify with. Admittedly, being a prologue, I could see why you'd want a more distant POV. Food for thought!

Thanks for sharing! Cheers.

Hey Guardian! UnknownWriter here for a review!

The previous reviewers covered most of what had to be said but I really wanted to review yours
Okay so right off the bat the readers are thrown straight into the story with no background information- but it's really good. You're doing great at the imagery and really showing the readers rather than telling: "As he entered the room, a globe of light descended from the ceiling."
But I was kind of disappointed by the length of it. Since it was so short the readers are still confused on what this 'Project E7' is or "The Emerald' is but it's short enough that you keep the reader on their toes and wanting to read more. I like that.

Suggestions:
"A voice behind the man spoke, “You have served your purpose.”"
You can describe what kind of voice it is. A person's tone of voice can make a big impact upon the mood. For example, a booming voice is much different than a small mutter or whisper.

"The lights dimmed, and the doors closed."
You don't really have to do this but for a grand exit you can make it dramatic by separating it into two sentences: 'The lights dimmed. The doors closed.' Again, you don't have to do this but just a random thought of mine :p

Overall, you have great imagery but I would have liked to see more of it. This doesn't really seem like a first chapter to me but more of a prologue. You have great potential! I saw that chapter two is up so expect another review from me soon! Keep writing!

Hey, Guardian, Ryu again.
Well, when I read this I really, really liked it. It's very good, detailed, and left me wanting to read more! I do have a few thoughts.
1) Why's it so short? I mean, it is good and all, but it could've been so much longer, given the chance.
2)You honestly need to keep writing, man. I've read a couple of your works, and they all have turned out fantastic in the beginning and the end, and I really do wish to read more.
3)This is really a cliff-hanger! Post more when you are at your earliest convenience!
In conclusion, this is a really good piece of work. Thinking of trying to get it published? I'd back you if you did, it is really fantastic. I can't wait for you to post more, and I will keep my eye out for your future works! Take care, and keep on writing, you have a gift!
Sincerely, Ryu(Southbound) Cevenost.

This was a really good story. I loved it, and I had many emotions gong through me. You had very good details. I enjoyed it, and I can't wait for more. It was unexpected, and exciting. Please, continue writing such greatness.

Hey there! This is my first review so I'll try my best.

I just want to say that I liked it. By the time I realized it I was finished with the chapter wanting more. I think that you built up a good sense of mystery. Questions, that would no doubt be answered if i kept turning the page.

Just a super small nitpick, but in the first paragraph I noticed you used the word 'sphere' a lot. Enough to the point where after the first paragraph I thought "thats a lot of sphere"

But all in all, I liked it and I can't wait to see more chapters! Keep up the good work!

Fanta is here.
I like what you got here. It is very captivating, as well as short, sweet, and to the point. I like that. If something is long, then I do not usually read it. But this, this is good. It flowed well. It was well-written.

As for punctuation and grammar, I did not see anything. I only saw a couple of tiny errors:

"...As the screen flickered, and shut down." Get rid of that comma. It would flow better.

"...Into a black glinting table and a seat." I think you should get rid of the "a" that precedes the word "seat".

Other than that, it is all good.
The ending is worthy of being a cliff-hanger.

Good luck and keep writing!!!
Very truly yours,
fantasydragon01.

Heya Guardian!!

This is Eros here!!!

Wow!!It was great!!I loved reading your sweet story.It was funn.It contained a sweetness in it.I was amazed and by this.It has a real effet and touch.I literally felt the story.It has got great feelings in it.It sounds adventurous.It was a beautiful story , with a beautifiul idea written in a beautiful way.
You are a talented personality.Your very first work is so moving...Then your further works will be even more moving!!!
Continue writing.....Do not stop.
We will continue reading and loving your works.....