it is noon and the cicatrix on
your birch bark heart has yet to disappear, with patience and
without it. your heart is a hunter and it is autumn turning to winter
and everything's in the air; fatality leaves us alone when
the trees start to shed their first layers of skin. like a snake,
i am losing my teeth in place for something better than
what i can't have, and you, you are becoming deciduous.
when the time comes,
the cycle will continue of shedding away what our parents
have taught us, and what their parents have taught them,
and so on, so forth. it is a blessing to have witnessed such a strange
transformation, that maybe we will grow with our toes out of the soil
for the first time, that the understanding of survival as a whole
will be another instinct past the understanding of our own.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hello! Wallflower here with a quick review
This was an absolutely lovely poem. Your writing style is so unique and poetic, and every word you write here holds so much meaning behind it. This is the sort of poem you must read carefully to be sure you understand it all; it is delicate, and tells a story which is hard to put all together at once. It's a matter of personal preference, but I tend to love these sorts of intricate poems, and you did a fantastic job with this one. The recurring theme of the trees, interpreted and related to your story in different ways throughout the poem, was beautifully done. This poem is delicate and unique and absolutely beautiful. You should definitely be proud!
Keep writing!
This part...😶
This is a nice write up
it is noon and the cicatrix on
your birch bark heart has yet to disappear, with patience and
without it. your heart is a hunter and it is autumn turning to winter
and everything's in the air; fatality leaves us alone when
the trees start to shed their first layers of skin. like a snake,
i am losing my teeth in place for something better than
what i can't have, and you, you are becoming deciduous
This part...😶
This is a nice write up
it is noon and the cicatrix on
your birch bark heart has yet to disappear, with patience and
without it. your heart is a hunter and it is autumn turning to winter
and everything's in the air; fatality leaves us alone when
the trees start to shed their first layers of skin. like a snake,
i am losing my teeth in place for something better than
what i can't have, and you, you are becoming deciduous
it is noon and the cicatrix on
your birch bark heart has yet to disappear, with patience and
without it. your heart is a hunter and it is autumn turning to winter
and everything's in the air; fatality leaves us alone when
the trees start to shed their first layers of skin. like a snake,
i am losing my teeth in place for something better than
what i can't have, and you, you are becoming deciduous.
Aside from poor capitalization, I really liked this part. Someone has lost somebody dear to them and know they don't know what to do.
when the time comes,
the cycle will continue of shedding away what our parents
have taught us, and what their parents have taught them,
and so on, so forth. it is a blessing to have witnessed such a strange
transformation, that maybe we will grow with our toes out of the soil
for the first time, that the understanding of survival as a whole
will be another instinct past the understanding of our own.
They feel like a young child who has been abandoned by their parents. A person without guidance.
Hi! Thanks for the review! ^^
Thank you for bringing up this point, but capitalization isn't actually a required thing in poetry like it may seem for prose! Poets have the freedom to do whatever stylistically with their poetry, but it's also okay if you have a preference as a reader! Just to know in the future, most people don't like it when people comment on that though.
Good interpretation! I admit, I wasn't exactly sure what I was going for with this poem? It just kind of happened out of nowhere xD, but I do see what you mean about it holding nostalgia for someone who has passed away and such! I enjoy that perception a lot!
Oh I also like this one! I def think that this was what I was going for, but honestly, my poetry is so random that I can't tell anymore ahaha. The "young child" idea is really interesting, too!
Once again, thank you so much!
Ooh..I liked this poem.It teaches us that we have so much we need to learn about life in general,it tells us that we need a greater understanding of the world and that understanding changes over time.We are so quick on life,that often,we forget to live it.We forget about life.It’s a cool poem.I enjoyed it.I hope you have a lovely day/night!